General Anxiety and Unpredictable Episodes

[Apricot]

Hey everyone,

I joined this forum recently because I'm a bit overwhelmed and don't have many places to turn, and because I'm lacking ideas about what to go or where to go next. In other words, I'm a little bit lost and scared. I'm a 21 year old male, turning 22 next month. I've been seeing councilors, therapists and psychologists for 6 or 7 years but it hasn't been largely successful, something has always been preventing me from establishing much with them and I haven't figured out what it is or why.

I think I may have a lot of issues apart from anxiety, but recently anxiety has been the major issue interfering with my ability to function properly. As far as I know I don't have any disorders, most of the psychologists I've seen have told me so, but I'm not sure if I fully trust their judgment even if they're qualified and I'm not. They tell me that it's largely a cognitive and behavioral thing, but I always get the feeling they only ever see one particular side of me, and that there are other sides that I was never able to share with them (for some reason that I'm unaware of) that if they saw, they might think differently.

That's something I want to discuss briefly, but before I do I just want to address the anxiety-related issues first. So, basically, on a daily, weekly and monthly basis I get these reoccurring fears that I don't know how to deal with:


I worry that my future is going to be bleak and grim
I'm afraid to go out into public because I get hyper-sensitive toward people noticing or being aware of my presence
I'm worried that I'm running out of time
I doubt whether I've made the correct long-term decisions about what I should aim for in life
I get paranoid that a particular ex-flatmate is preparing to seek vengeance on me for reasons I don't understand
I get paranoid that I'm somehow being monitored / under surveillance by an unknown entity co-operating with my ex-flatmate and / or people from my work team last year
I frequently doubt whether I'm sane, if I ever was sane, or if I ever will be sane
I get distressed about whether sanity is real or if it's a lie that I shouldn't pay attention to
I get overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts during regular social interaction and end up not being able to complete simple tasks
I routinely doubt whether I did something properly or if I did it at all
I get worried that I'm not meeting the mark I'm supposed to be meeting, but I don't even know what the mark is
I get distressed when I'm unable to confidently establish what I truly believe and what I've deluded myself into thinking I believe
I get disressed that specific and particular scenarios will occur in the future, persecution, blame, harassment, etc, and I won't be able to prevent them because they will be out of my control
I get overwhelmed when thinking about conformity; does conformity serve good or bad purposes? what extent should I conform and in what way? is it real or an illusion? etc
I worry that almost every decision, if not every decision I make is a wrong one


Those are just some examples but I'm almost certain there's a whole load more of similar ones. So I've chalked it down to general anxiety, including social anxiety, some variant of neurosis, and some kind of distress or panic related issue.

[mrslizzyg]

Hey there!

I think you are right by saying this is anxiety. I can relate to some of those symptoms you have been going through. The thought process with anxiety is brutal.

I get why you are not trusting the doctors you have seen- I have always had a hard time with that to. But at the end of the day, if you have tried everything with yourself to resolve this, you are going to have to trust one of them at some point to help you. :)

I find this forum very helpful sometimes just as a place to write down my thoughts and sort out how I have been feeling- maybe what you were kind of doing here? Just to release them out of your mind and see them in front of you.

Sorry I don't have much else for advice.

You are not alone, though. :)

-Lindsey

[Im-Suffering]

Yes your intuition is ofcourse correct.


I always get the feeling they only ever see one particular side of me, and that there are other sides that I was never able to share with them (for some reason that I'm unaware of) that if they saw, they might think differently.



Next therapy session, start to explore these 'other sides' as a priority. Then you will finally get somewhere meaningful and healing.

Once you turn to the right direction your thoughts will 'automatically' change without the need to try and force cognitive therapy on top of shaky ground. By exploring these other sides, and childhood (both the environment and your caretakers/parents) in relation to these other sides you will be building a strong foundation for healing and fulfillment.

It is not up to them to drag your skeletons out of your closet. Its up to you to have the will to open that scary door and let them in with a torch to light the way.

So get on with what you have to do then.

[Christheanxiousone]

Hi there, this is me exactly. I am turning 22 next month myself, always been an anxious person, but I am in a random episode myself. Would like to speak more to you, thank you.