please help, i have completely lost control over my anxiety

[dbd]

Hi there,

It's taken me a while to get to this point. I'm 29 years old (m) and have been suffering from anxiety. As a youngster I obviously had no idea what this "anxiety" is, but today thinking back I clearly realise that anxiety has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I grew up in an abusive home which led to endless crying or getting panicked when a teacher or anyone would talk to me. My first anxiety episode I can remember was when my mom dropped me off at daycare as a child. I spent a good 2 weeks scared and completely unable to really talk to other kids. I have had anxiety (severe anxiety) after watching Independance Day kind of movies and would be terrified each night in bed worried that I may die during the course of the evening. Over the last couple of years my anxiety has moved over to health, and I have been diagnosing myself with some kind of cancer or dreaded disease and in my mind I have 6 months to live. I have however been to the emergency room at least every 6 months where I get tested for my pain of the week, and there is nothing wrong. The only real medical condition is a fatty liver (and my gallbladder was removed a couple of years ago so I get some liver discomfort) but I am "treating" it to the best of my ability.

Meds I am on at the moment:
40mg Prozac
150mg Wellbutrin
100mg Provigil
Multi-vitamins

As I sit here I am anxious, a feeling I am use to now. I will get anxious from just reading someone else might be sick. I had a panic attack, full blown, just from reading that Rob Ford MIGHT have had an abdominal tumor. I am to the point now that I am convinced that my mind is playing tricks on me, constantly giving me a ache or pain in different parts of my body, and that instant it happens my first thought is death. I am also terrified of the idea that I might be downplaying certain medical conditions (which I am certain, and almost each doctor I have seen has assured me that I don't have it) which is adding to my endless list of worries.

I need help and I don't know where to go. I feel that my meds aren't helping at all and I am seeing my doctor again in 2 weeks. I think my number one thing at the moment is understanding the severity of my anxiety, understanding what or how to alliviate it, and if there are other meds more suited for this as my quality of life has now gotten to me rather wanting to stay in bed dreaming as appose to waking up and playing the same story day in day out.

I hope this all makes sense and that you can read between the drukken worried lines.

[gypsylee]

Hi and welcome :)

This all sounds pretty typical for anxiety disorder. Meds can only do so much for it though. Stuff like CBT, breathing ,meditation and exercise are very helpful as well.

All the best to you,
Gypsy x

[Im-Suffering]

Let's address only what's important in that whole mess of fear disguised as a 'post'.




... 1) anxiety has been a part of me for as long as I can remember.

2) I grew up in an abusive home which led to endless crying or getting panicked when a teacher or anyone would talk to me.

3) My first anxiety episode I can remember was when my mom dropped me off at daycare as a child. I spent a good 2 weeks scared and completely unable to really talk to other kids. .



Physical symptoms will subside when you finally, once and for all, decide to address to mental.

1) "as long as i can remember" - its no wonder then, you feel as you do today. The present is the sum total manifestation of thought, throughout the years. And if there are no changes in thought, the future would look just like today.

2) The abuse is still emotionally strong (dominant psychologically) in you, trying to shove it to the recesses of your mind won't work in your favor. The current day physical illusions (that send you back and forth to doctors) and your mind 'tricks' and unwanted thoughts are the result of this repressed energy.

3) because of the abuse, this was felt (as a child) as abandonment. Added to the abuse you have a cocktail for disaster.

When you are ready to truly face this, rather than running back and forth in the wrong direction, you'll start healing with a good therapist or life coach. A little courage goes a long way.

I am telling you, nature itself if it could speak, would say to you "take one step dear one, in courage. Fear not, don't worry, we will multiply that one bold step by ten thousand, and light the way for you."