"Just be yourself!"

[Steven Miller]

Anyone else ever get this advice?

I never had this problem when I was a kid. I was carefree, I did what I wanted. Laughed and played without inhibitions. Spoke my mind. But unlike Peter Pan, I had to grow up. And I believe that was the cause of my anxiety.

Now people say, "Just be yourself" and "Don't worry so much." They use to say, "Stop doing that." and "Act your age."

I don't conform well at all. I hate being told to do things I don't want to do. But that's life, isn't it? Life isn't always fair.

So I don't do what I want to do anymore. I do what I think people want me to do.

Of course, most people don't want me to do anything these days. Most people don't care. But years of teachers and parents and bosses scolding me for being myself can't be so easily undone.

And when I look into the face of the Other, the stranger, the co-worker, the boss... I subconsciously project the ghosts of my past.

And when the ghosts advise me to "just be yourself" - I want to laugh at the irony of it all, but no one would understand.

Or, do you?

[jessed03]

It certainly is bad advice. Right up there with "just try to relax". It's bad advice because hardly anybody even knows themselves anyway. And personality is such a fluid concept; it changes year after year, and alters depending on your life experiences. It's best to just go with life.

I just smile whenever I hear people bring out the tired old cliches.

You seem like a cool guy. It's ok to dance to the sound of your own drum, even if the music it plays is different to that of everybody else's. That's what's pretty cool about being an adult.