Failing exams, feel like I need some advice to get my concentration back!help please

[Mims]

Hi everybody. It's the first time I'm here on this forum and I decided to make a post, basically because I have been going through a really dark time in my life for me and I'm kind of losing track, so even though I have friends and talk to them, I'm stuck on a cycle I really want to break. So I decided to share my experience and see if I could get some words of advice, to see if I can improve my condition.

So, I have never suffered from anxiety up until last summer. I've had kind of a tough life: divorced parents, dad left, sisters not getting along, had to start working really young, paying for my college, left home a couple years back cause I couldn't get along with my mother, so you get the point.

But the thing is, I've always been happy through it all, have a lot of friends, hobbies, I'm in college studying what I want BUT last year I realized I was falling in love with my best friend. I tried to hold it back and denying it cause I didn't want to ruin our friendship.

But one day while drunk and on vacation we had sex. He started acting weird towards me and from there things were never the same. After a couple of weeks I talked to him about my feelings and he said that he didn't feel the same way towards me. I accepted that and went home and I decided to move on.

The thing is, he's part of my daily life. Going to grab a cup of coffe, going out, watching movies, vacations, everything. And a few months back he started doing this thing where when he gets drunk, he tries to flirt with me, make out and more..And since I'm a complete idiot I used to go along with it.

But the thing is, he is also with other girls.
When we decided to remain friends, I asked him not to do stuff with other girls in front of me out of respect, but he would still do it on ocasion.

So around January while I was having mid-terms, a lot shitty stuff was happening to me and that's when the attacks began. Crying for no reason, on public transportation, being scared to go out with my friends because he might be with a girl or something and everything just came crashing down. Hiperventilating, knots on my chest, back pain, sleepless nights, paranoia, overthinking. I even got to the point where I almost lost my voice due to acid reflux that I now know was a symptom from all the stress.

So the other day, they convinced me to go out and my friend came to kiss me and stuff while drunk when nobody was watching and afterwards he went on to kiss this girl he is kinda seeing (from what I can tell,not sure). The next day he claimed he didn't remember doing it (and he also claims he never remembers all the accounts where he approached me). But still, he asked for forgiveness, says he's ashamed for what he did, hopes things can get back to normal, just like the best friends we were and stuff. I asked for some space to think but I can never think straight. One day I decide I'm going to forgive him and do the best I can to rebuild our previous relationship and the other day day I never want to talk to him again. I have a lot of mood swings and crying outbursts and it's getting in the way of my life. I just want to move on but don't know how, because we share the same life. I want to be his friend but the feelings aren't leaving and I'm driving myself nuts. So, I am currently having mid terms again and this is shit. I just want to take care of myself and my education.
So, I don't know what to do. I've been taking what you call Lexapro for a month now and it only helps me a bit.

Sorry for the long post, but I really needed to vent and see if I can get some advice so I can concentrate and get to be myself and be happy again. I know this may seem small stuff, but this change, not having my best friend to talk to and go everywhere has made quite some damage on me and I just feel like talking to people I can relate to might do the trick (at least until I pass my exams). So if someone can just say something I would be oh so thankfull.

MIMS

[needtogetwell]

"I just want to take care of myself and my education "

These are your words, you have your answer.

What is it going to take to take care of yourself?
It seems to me that altering your daily life or circle of friends is a requirement.

Friends with benefits never ever works out. I've been down that road myself. The only way out I have ever found is to simply leave that person, friendship and all. You will never get back what you had, at least not without some distance and some serious time.

I wish you all the luck in the world.
It is your life, do what you need to to find yourself again.

[Mims]

Hey there! Thanks for your reply. I think I know deep down that I just have to stay away from him in order for me to get better and move on. May I just ask what helps you concentrate when your mind is going berzerk? Once in a while I get a crying outburst (going through one now) and I have to study. Have the stuff in front of me and just can't seem to get a grip on myself. What helps you focus on times like this?

[needtogetwell]

I try this, often works, at least when I was in university it did. (Btw that was 20+ years ago)

Take a break. Completely walk awY from the books and all. You can't concentrate right now so you are feeding the loop because you can't do what you know you have to.

Go out and walk, notice your surroundings. The grass, the colour, the clouds, the sidewalks. Your brain will want to go back to its comfortable spot and that is the issue with your friend and your studies. Every time that happens bring yourself back to the moment. How your feet feel, a sign you may see. Traffic lights. Anything that is right in front of you right now.

Give yourself permission to take the break.

By the time you get back , maybe 30 minutes or so you should be in a better frame of mind.

[Mims]

Thanks a lot! I'm going to try that!

[dancingsunflowers80]

Thanks for sharing. Yes, it sounds like focusing on yourself and your education is the answer. I understand that it can be hard to break ties with him, but it sounds like the relationship is bringing negativity into your life! If you shift your focus onto yourself and he is not in the picture, you may then be open to meeting someone who values you, respects you, and brings you joy. You are worth it! Focus your time on things you enjoy, maybe serving others less fortunate, joining a church group with people your age who focus on the good. Hang in there!

mommato2lilmonkeys

[Mims]

Thanks you for your kind words and advice! Yesterday I couldn't get much done but I talked to a friend and today I got out of the house and went to a garden to study. It was really good because each time I got to thinking about the bad stuff I would just look at the small lake and pay attention to the fish and turtles, so your advice worked needtogetwell! Thanks a lot! I started having anxiety at the start of this year and didn't "get the hang" of thie situation right away, I panicked a lot and didn't know how to calm myself down on these situations, I usually just leave whenever I'm feeling bad. It was a simple trick but it worked for me, at least today. Thanks again!

[needtogetwell]

Sometimes it's the simple that works best. Glad it worked for you.

[CarlaB]

You have to focus on whats important....which is your well being and your education. If this guy wants to treat you like crap dont let him. You deserve better then that. You are better off without that friendship if its leading you to anxiety attacks.

[dwizzite]

What up Mims.

I have some thoughts for you.

First of all... I'm going to give you a SHOCKING way to start your day, because if you start your day show circuiting your depression, you have something to remind you that you can get out of this.

I did what I'm about to share with you when I was super depressed after a breakup.

I was crying everyday and eventually I was sick of feeling sorry for myself and test this out:

COLD SHOWERs.

Only keep reading if you'RE TRULY going to commit to this.

Here we go...

Every morning, turn only the cold water knob on in your shower, set a timer for 5 minutes, and JUMP IN. You will scream like a little girl for 30 seconds and then you'll get over it.

This will shock your body into being SO UNCOMFORTABLE that all you'll be thinking about is getting clean and getting out, but then you'll have TONS OF ENERGY!

This worked for me because I did it for 30 days.

I still take cold showers simply to train myself to be in control of my emotions ALL THE TIME.

Test it out and let us know what happens :).