GF has anxiety and I just made a textbook mistake

[Elheffe]

Hello all,

May i first take the time to thank you for having me on here. You have no idea how much it means being able to discuss with people who have anxiety, ya'll are great people !

So I found out today that my new gf has anxiety. The signs were fairly evident in the early days, and (wrightly or wrongly) she handles it so well that I forgot about it. That is until our phone call today.

Basically we were talking about how daily life can be stressful for us both, and i stupidly said " don't stress, i'm here to help you with it"

This is of course (to many) a slap to the face statement, kinda like telling someone who's just been shot to suck up the pain.
Because we're living long distance (across multiple states) at the moment, she ended up crying and I now feel like a f*cking idiot. The reason i'm posting here is to hopefully gain answer to my 2 questions.

1. What is a better way (if any) of reassuring her that I am willing to help her with her anxiety in a supportive manner, and reassure her that she's doing great.

2. How does one go about apologising? (in my mind) I was acting with good intentions, but if it's upset/annoyed her enough to make her cry then it's clearly not come across the right way. Am I best to move on and only address it if she brings it up, or should I address it directly? Or perhaps indirectly with flowers or something?



I really do appreciate your input and support folks, stay awesome!

F

[mrslizzyg]

Hmmm..
coming from my perspective, the way that is worded would have been OK to me but, every persons anxiety is different and the triggers are different.

I would just avoid saying things like "don't stress" "let it go" "get over it" "it'll be ok" etc.. To someone with anxiety, you are right, they are like a huge slap in the face. She most likely knows she SHOULDN'T be as stressed out as she is, and that if she could get over it or let it go, she WOULD.

Just be there to listen to her when she needs you, try to do so without wanting to "fix" her issues. Find things fun to do with her to keep her happy and out of her thoughts that could stress her out. Just be present.

Also, take care of yourself, of course. Dating someone with anxiety can be a challenge, so don't let her walk all over you and use you as an outlet for her anxiety blow ups. I'm not saying she is doing this now... but keep open communication between you two. :)

Also.. ASK HER WHAT HELPS. Sometimes people with anxiety have certain things they do to keep their mind off the stress, or certain activities that can help.

As far as apologizing? Just say it to her. Just mean it.

[Elheffe]

Thanks for the reply!

Great to hear your thoughts on things.

I agree 100% with your comments, and we are both open enough to ensure that isn't going to be the case.

I really do mean this apology, but I need a bit more than "i'm sorry" bt I know if i say "i'm sorry for saying don't stress" that isn't going to work. I guess i'm looking for a sample phrase that might help me develop something to write :P

[NixonRulz]

Hmmm..
coming from my perspective, the way that is worded would have been OK to me but, every persons anxiety is different and the triggers are different.

I would just avoid saying things like "don't stress" "let it go" "get over it" "it'll be ok" etc.. To someone with anxiety, you are right, they are like a huge slap in the face. She most likely knows she SHOULDN'T be as stressed out as she is, and that if she could get over it or let it go, she WOULD.

Just be there to listen to her when she needs you, try to do so without wanting to "fix" her issues. Find things fun to do with her to keep her happy and out of her thoughts that could stress her out. Just be present.

Also, take care of yourself, of course. Dating someone with anxiety can be a challenge, so don't let her walk all over you and use you as an outlet for her anxiety blow ups. I'm not saying she is doing this now... but keep open communication between you two. :)

Also.. ASK HER WHAT HELPS. Sometimes people with anxiety have certain things they do to keep their mind off the stress, or certain activities that can help.

As far as apologizing? Just say it to her. Just mean it.

^^^^ This. Exactly This ^^^^

[mrslizzyg]

Thanks for the reply!

Great to hear your thoughts on things.

I agree 100% with your comments, and we are both open enough to ensure that isn't going to be the case.

I really do mean this apology, but I need a bit more than "i'm sorry" bt I know if i say "i'm sorry for saying don't stress" that isn't going to work. I guess i'm looking for a sample phrase that might help me develop something to write :P

Why wouldn't that work? Us women usually love to hear guys say sorry + what they did wrong.. haha

[CarlaB]

I guess I dont see what you did wrong? I mean when it comes to anxiety its just fear that all in your head. I suppose you could word it better like maybe if there was a problem you could say lets work in this together. Maybe working together would ease the pressure...thats what I do with my friend who suffers from pretty bad anxiety. I help him calm his mind first then we focus on what we need to do and work together the entire time.