mb33
06-23-2015, 12:02 PM
Hi all,
Since my last post I have been struggling. I wanted to keep fighting the good old fashioned way up, but the other day I found myself at my darkest. I would say it was something like an anxiety attack. I was home alone and contemplating the worst. I couldn't calm myself down. I couldn't breathe. The walls felt like they were closing in and the emotional pain was like I've never felt before. I just wanted it to end, but I thought of the people in my life who needed me. I never liked talking to my family about it because I am used to getting the whole "other people have it so much worse", "pick yourself up by your boot straps", "things always get better" spiel. This time felt different though. I had to tell someone how I was truly feeling. I needed to tell someone that I needed help. I texted my mom that I was not okay. She soon called me and we spoke about how I was feeling. She offered to set up an appointment for me, and I'm so grateful. It has given me a light at the end of the tunnel that I've been unable to give myself. While I'm not excited to talk to a stranger about the dark places I've been, I'm happy that I may finally get some relief.
And while I'm not sure if another attack will happen or not, I now know that I have full support in my mom and also my boyfriend who I finally opened up to as well. I no longer want to feel shame about this. It's part of me and always has been. It's made me who I am & will continue to shape me. It makes us stronger even when we feel we're at our weakest.
Here's to hoping we all find our inner strength and happiness.
Much love...
Since my last post I have been struggling. I wanted to keep fighting the good old fashioned way up, but the other day I found myself at my darkest. I would say it was something like an anxiety attack. I was home alone and contemplating the worst. I couldn't calm myself down. I couldn't breathe. The walls felt like they were closing in and the emotional pain was like I've never felt before. I just wanted it to end, but I thought of the people in my life who needed me. I never liked talking to my family about it because I am used to getting the whole "other people have it so much worse", "pick yourself up by your boot straps", "things always get better" spiel. This time felt different though. I had to tell someone how I was truly feeling. I needed to tell someone that I needed help. I texted my mom that I was not okay. She soon called me and we spoke about how I was feeling. She offered to set up an appointment for me, and I'm so grateful. It has given me a light at the end of the tunnel that I've been unable to give myself. While I'm not excited to talk to a stranger about the dark places I've been, I'm happy that I may finally get some relief.
And while I'm not sure if another attack will happen or not, I now know that I have full support in my mom and also my boyfriend who I finally opened up to as well. I no longer want to feel shame about this. It's part of me and always has been. It's made me who I am & will continue to shape me. It makes us stronger even when we feel we're at our weakest.
Here's to hoping we all find our inner strength and happiness.
Much love...