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GaalRa
06-22-2015, 11:49 AM
Hi,
I am 24 years old and I realized that I need to fix myself. I am afraid that my issues can cause serious health problems. I am currently doing internship and my performance is very low.

I feel constant pain in joints (all joints) and I need to take breaks every 10 minutes in order to reduce the pain. I am always grinding my teeth, trembling my leg and biting skin from my arm. I think a source of my pain is psychological because I wasn’t diagnosed with any joint problems. These symptoms are more severe in the morning. I feel pain 24/7 and its more sever when I face stress. Pain causes stress and vice versa and I don’t know how to stop it. This usually happens when I do intellectual activities. So I can’t work for a long periods, if I sit for a long I feel like my hip joints hurt and I that my legs are shaking and I start feeling overwhelmed and can’t concentrate anymore. What really helps me to reduce pain is Gym.
I went to psychiatrist in order to fix this and I was prescribed to consume Lyrica but it didn’t help.

I thought that I have OCD but my psychiatrist was not so sure about it. For example when I send message to somebody I check like 20 times like whether a person read it or not. If I see that he/she read it but didn’t responded I will think about it until I receive a response. I can’t control it or switch to something different as it is sitting in my head.

I am not sure that I had any panic attacks but I always feel dizzy and that I have some sort of “fog” inside my head. Feeling overwhelmed with a lot of thoughts in my mind.

I had problems with thyroid hormone some time ago (hyperactivity) and in order to fix it I consumed prescribed medicine. Although I don’t remember the name of medicine. When I was suffering from it I lost a lot of weight. This happened when I was 18.

When I was at school I remember when I received low mark I started punching myself in the head with a fist and crying in front of everybody. My headaches started when I was 13 and continued until I became 18 and I got sick with thyroid hormone hyperactivity. I did my first bachelors and failed it. I was able to finish it only because my parents had connections with teachers. I was devastated and didn’t know where to go. My group mates thought of me as of a stupid and useless person. I was feeling headaches and could not sleep because of thyroid thing and therefore, could not perform well. My parents got me internship and I remember how I almost threw up in the office because of stress. I wasn’t a good worker as well and I was still sick during that time.

After my first bachelors I did my second one in UK. I didn’t know what I wanted to do so i started studying and this was actually good experience. I started feeling better and finished my degree with 2.1. Got a lot of friends and acquaintances and they were thinking of me as of a smart person. But I fear that if they knew how miserable I feel and about my pain they will stop treating me with Respect. Some of them found jobs and I failed interviews.
I realise that I did my 2 degrees because my parents influenced my decision. And now I don’t know what to do. I can’t come back to Ukraine and don’t know where to go. My parents want me to do master’s degree but I am not sure whether I will able to succeed and find a job. I don’t want to waste their money and spend one more year studying.

I like to please people and I realised that all decisions in my life were driven by opinion of others and anxiety doesn’t allow me to move anywhere.
This situation terrifies me as I see how other people deal with their problems and move on and I am just hitting the wall and not going any further. Even if I find a job i am concerned that I will not perform well.

Thanks.