What Motivates your Actions?

[Goomba]

I think an area that can perpetuate the patterns of anxiety (and really a lot of negative behaviors) is the motivator behind what we do to combat it. Behind all of our actions, is a reasoning as to why we did performed them.

Simply put, are your actions based in fear, or strength?

In example: One reads that exercise has been proven time and time again to aid in anxiety recovery. So, in an attempt to regain a sense of stability, said individual begins an exercise regimen.

In a basic sense, two (realistically, there may be more) options exist at this point.

The fearful motivator - The individual wants to find peace and is afraid that they are losing it (motivator). Anxiety has begun to ruin their life. Fearing they will never be "normal" (motivator) again, they begin exercising, hoping to do away with the symptoms of anxiety.

The strength motivator - The individual recognizes that their anxiety has become unhealthy, and starts to make decisions that influence a healthy lifestyle. They begin exercising in an attempt to bring more balance (motivator) into their life, and invest in a healthy future (motivator).

Example Two: Stress has begun to interfere with a intimate relationship, making what was once magical, very difficult. The anxiety sufferer decides they may want to "take a break".

The fearful motivator - The individual is afraid that their anxiety will ruin the relationship (motivator). Unsure of what to do, the individual asks for space, hoping that time will mask (motivator) the wounds.

The strength motivator - The individual is able to see that neither party in the relationship is thinking clearly, due to recent tension. The individual knows that their anxiety has been a factor and decides to discuss recent events with their partner (motivator). Collectively, they decide that a short break may help them both regain some perspective.


Essentially, there are many decisions we make/actions we take in our journey with anxiety. Just because a certain action was taken, does not mean it was taken for the right reasons. As mentioned above, exercising can be amazing in alleviating anxiety. But, if one is exercising solely because they are terrified of what their anxiety experience has been, they are actually taking an action based in anxiety, therefore, feeding it.

Do we take breaks from work to regain our sense of composure? Or, because we are afraid we will not be able to function?

Do we stay in bed to get some well deserved rest? Or, because we fear our heart may start racing as soon as we stand up?

Do we have a drink to relax? Or, because we don't know how else to make the pain go away?

Fear can be very insightful, as it tells us what we need to work on to move forward in the anxiety battle. However, if our actions (most importantly the ones that we take to fight anxiety) have fear at their core, we are only growing the anxiety, despite how healthy they may seem on the surface.

In other words, exercising out of fear will not be beneficial to defeating anxiety in the long run.

The major issue here is how intense anxiety is. Making the decision out of fear is the easy thing to do. Much like taking a med for a panic attack, or tylenol for a headache, the symptoms only go away temporarily before resurfacing. Moreover, the more we make decisions out of fear, the healthier they seem, which puts a deeper mask on the origins of our anxiety.

So, next time a action is about to be taken, will it be done in an attempt to grow some strength, or to cultivate the fire?

What motivates everything you do?

There are two fighting wolves, equally strong. One is named anxiety, the other strength. Which one will win?

The one you feed more.

[sae]

An excellent, amazing post. I am learning surprisingly late in the game the existence of motivators and how to utilize instead of abuse them.
My motivation is at times a mixed grab bag of both fear and strength. I would like to say, at least in my case, both fear are strength are ultimately motivated by honesty. I can claim something does not frighten me, plough through the stressor and celebrate the victory, but then the introspective work needed at the end is based on half truth. I have to honestly face up to something say "Holy hell, this is scary" do it anyway and have a good chuckle at my own expense once it is over.
A personal example: I rode a ski lift across a Waterpark once. My kid begged and begged. I told myself and her both that I wasn't terrified of the height. I made it a good 100 yards down the line and began shaking. At the highest point it stopped. The wind blew and my kid started dancing around in the gondola thing. I literally pissed myself out of fear of swinging around at this height. I vowed I would never do it again.
The next summer I took a group to the same waterpark, my kid tagging along, and we looked at the ski lift again. I told her I was very afraid of it, but I would do it anyway because I knew she enjoyed it last time. It was a very different ride. I was scared, but my kid held my hand, laughed a little at the weird faces I made, and we made it to the other side unscathed. I was able to put some honesty into the situation, realize I made it across without incident. We had a good laugh and later did it again, and I actually had a little fun with it.
A little fear of something is healthy, I think. Once it crosses into the realm of inhibiting everyday life is when that fear becomes a true detriment. I think it all comes down to self-actualization, realizing ones true potential to overcome the biggest of our fears, separating the healthy fear from irrational and owning them both.

[Goomba]

Piggy backing off of that - I always say that a little anxiety is healthy as well. It is built into us for a reason, most of which is survival, but it can serve as that extra fire we need to start taking actions as well. I don't think the goal should EVER be to get rid of anxiety fully, as all one is doing in that situation is learning how to suppress themselves more efficiently. Instead, it should be a balance, to be aware of what that part of our identity is saying, but to not let it be so much of our identity that it is crippling, much like the fear you spoke of.

I think the irrational fear is important, as it is just as insightful, and is often the backbone of paralyzing anxious thought processes. Irrational fear often stems from our core.

In example: Someone holds a gun towards two individuals. Both have a fearful response. One is able to process the fear (anxiety) in a healthy way, and is able to make a run for it. The other invites in irrational fear on top of the additional fear by thinking, "There's no way I can make it. I'm not strong enough to fight back. What if I trip when I start running? This is the end. I didn't do anything with my life, etc, etc. (Keep in mind this is hypothetical). These thoughts cripple the individual, rendering them too scared to move, too scared to take action, and they stem from the core beliefs the individual has about their self. The first individual used fear as a positive motivator, and the second allowed it to take over.

I believe that many people who have unhealthy anxiety take a path similar to that of the second individual. BUT, those irrational fears, in the safety of our households, show us what is out of whack. They are literally manifestations of our inner most issues. What makes one have to touch the door handle 10 times before leaving? Why does the 100 pound model perceive herself as overweight? Why is there a fear of having a stroke due to drinking a cup of coffee? What makes us feel as if going outside will cause a panic attack?

In my opinion, for those that are struggling with anxiety, owning the irrational fears as a legitimate experience they are creating, starts the path of backtracking to the core of what has made an individuals anxiety unstable. Then, anxiety can be seen as the insight from inner self it is that aids one in taking action in a situation, or confronting a part of the identity.

On a lighter note, I enjoyed reading your example :).


Owning them, as you stated, is essential. Through owning the fear, you acknowledge the part of yourself that is hurting, and healing can begin.

[Silhouette]

I think it's important to recognise how much of your actions is motivated by fear and how much is motivated by striving for something that you want (rather than avoiding something you don't want). Being able to recognise that can help identify behaviours that might not be helpful. Not that being motivated by some level of fear is always bad, so long as it's not preventing you from doing things that you want to do.

[Goomba]

I think it's important to recognise how much of your actions is motivated by fear and how much is motivated by striving for something that you want (rather than avoiding something you don't want). Being able to recognise that can help identify behaviours that might not be helpful. Not that being motivated by some level of fear is always bad, so long as it's not preventing you from doing things that you want to do.

Exaaaaaactly. Well said.