I'm having a bad night :(

[Joiningyou]

I'm having a bad night .. it's past midnight and I can't sleep. I'm having some bad thoughts .. I'm struggling to see purpose in my life. I work a job in a special needs school but have been treated differently by the staff causing panic attacks which have caused me to be signed off work for a month as they're that bad .. I want to retrain as something new but my social anxiety causes me to drop courses just as I start .. I'm 21, I'm not a good looking guy at all and that's not being hard on myself I'm really not .. I guess some people can just get on with things .. I always just wanted to do good in this world but something holds me back I can never get past and nobody understands .. what's the point of it all if I can't do anything good

[jessed03]

Hey bud,

Thanks for reminding me of the time. :) I've still got stacks of work to do. Looking like a late one.

I haven't read any of your past posts, but have tried any medication yet? Usually when panic attacks are so severe they require you to miss work it's time to try an antidepressant. If you are trying one, how's it working for you?

[NixonRulz]

Are you seriously giving up at 21 ? You should be running around like a rabid dog looking to bang random women. (Sorry, Ladies)

Not good looking? How the hell would you know if you don't oil up and flex in the mirror?

You panic at the school because that is what you think they are thinking. True fact - 93% of the things we think people are thinking about us is false

Dude, you are 21 and doing a Nobel thing teaching the retarded people. So you have a really big heart!

There are way more bad looking women, then men. (Sorry, Ladies but it's true)

You aren't bad looking. You have low self esteem!

Walk with your chest out and head high and watch the world treat you different

Be the stud you are!

[needtogetwell]

As the mother of an autistic 15 year old I have the utmost respect and admiration for what you do.

Please don't give another thought to how you think others perceive you. The kids need people like you and people like you are few and far between.

Nixon, we're going to have a chat about your choice of words on that reply.

[NixonRulz]

Uh, what did I say?

[Naor]

Did you try any kind of CBT ? besides the medication.
because the main problam as I see that is not complitely the anxiety , to be honest its just a factor .
I recommend you to check the option of CBT ,the CBT and the medications both will reduce you the suffering .
Good luck:)

[needtogetwell]

Momma bear here gets her back up when the word "retarded" is used in reference to special needs kids. Makes me think of a time somewhere around 1940 or 50 when no one knew better.

I think you do know better. In fact I know you know better. Some of those kids do have severe challenges, but many are brilliant, probably smarter that both of us put together.

But none the less, if I didn't like and care about you I wouldn't have called you on it.

Friends???

[NixonRulz]

Of course friends and I appreciate you standing up

That is what people here have always called them. Here being where I came up. Not meant to be an insult.

I will PC myself but again, meant no harm.

[needtogetwell]

Glad still friends! I'm just over sensitive because special needs kids is part of my daily existence.

Understand the cultural differences even though I don't think we live that far apart as the crow flies.

[NixonRulz]

Indeed! No worries

I am never too old to be educated about something

[needtogetwell]

That comment just reminded me of a bunch of (not PC coming) hicks I met in Reading PA.

[NixonRulz]

It's okay. Country folks and Christians are always allowed to be made fun of
No PC applies to them

[jessed03]

It's okay. Country folks and Christians are always allowed to be made fun of
No PC applies to them

http://7770647a14b0867efc75-b939f832d8cd9c860ce8909163419528.r92.cf2.rackcdn.c om/33294.jpg

[needtogetwell]

OMG you are so bad!!!! But not wrong, either of you.

[needtogetwell]

Ok boys, we need to turn this thread back to the OP. No disrespect intended.

[sae]

I'm having a bad night .. it's past midnight and I can't sleep. I'm having some bad thoughts .. I'm struggling to see purpose in my life. I work a job in a special needs school but have been treated differently by the staff causing panic attacks which have caused me to be signed off work for a month as they're that bad .. I want to retrain as something new but my social anxiety causes me to drop courses just as I start .. I'm 21, I'm not a good looking guy at all and that's not being hard on myself I'm really not .. I guess some people can just get on with things .. I always just wanted to do good in this world but something holds me back I can never get past and nobody understands .. what's the point of it all if I can't do anything good

Sometimes I will read a post and find some personal relation to it. This... this has been my story for a long time.
I shied away from socialization because I felt like one of those misunderstood monsters from the movies. I'm certainly no beauty pageant winner either, freakshow short, fat, with a crooked face, a serious malocclusion and a skin tone that only knows two colors: lobster and ghost. In the end all I wanted was to do something good with myself yet I found it so difficult to be around people I hid instead.
I started working with the school district to do that something good, started taking education courses yet by some twist of fate seemed to find myself dropping out before finals. Two years ago I stopped trying, instead remaining inside my house for months at a time. I just didn't see the point anymore. Outside was scary, I felt eyes on me all the time, I never seemed to quite measure up to my own expectations.
Today I met with 3 different people, strangers, at my home, in an effort to sell my van. I went to the local community college to finish registering for my summer Drafting course. I ordered a pizza over the phone and gratefully accepted the order at the door with an easy smile. They don't seem like much but to me they're huge.
If I hadn't made the decision to get back out there I would still be where I was a year ago, huddled in my home, fearing every car door sound I hear outside. Today I sat on my couch, my best friend at my side, eating pizza I ordered while discussing how elated I was to start my next class, and I felt true contentment.
There is a world out there just for you. Even with your perceived shortcomings you are awesome, and beautiful, because you are you. That's pretty damned neat, i think. Have hope that tomorrow will be a better day, forgive yourself for all of your bad days... we all have them. I still have them in varying frequency. You've got this. :)

[needtogetwell]

Sometimes I will read a post and find some personal relation to it. This... this has been my story for a long time. I shied away from socialization because I felt like one of those misunderstood monsters from the movies. I'm certainly no beauty pageant winner either, freakshow short, fat, with a crooked face, a serious malocclusion and a skin tone that only knows two colors: lobster and ghost. In the end all I wanted was to do something good with myself yet I found it so difficult to be around people I hid instead. I started working with the school district to do that something good, started taking education courses yet by some twist of fate seemed to find myself dropping out before finals. Two years ago I stopped trying, instead remaining inside my house for months at a time. I just didn't see the point anymore. Outside was scary, I felt eyes on me all the time, I never seemed to quite measure up to my own expectations. Today I met with 3 different people, strangers, at my home, in an effort to sell my van. I went to the local community college to finish registering for my summer Drafting course. I ordered a pizza over the phone and gratefully accepted the order at the door with an easy smile. They don't seem like much but to me they're huge. If I hadn't made the decision to get back out there I would still be where I was a year ago, huddled in my home, fearing every car door sound I hear outside. Today I sat on my couch, my best friend at my side, eating pizza I ordered while discussing how elated I was to start my next class, and I felt true contentment. There is a world out there just for you. Even with your perceived shortcomings you are awesome, and beautiful, because you are you. That's pretty damned neat, i think. Have hope that tomorrow will be a better day, forgive yourself for all of your bad days... we all have them. I still have them in varying frequency. You've got this. :) v

Very nice reply Sae, the best one yet.

[jessed03]

How short are we talking, Sae?

[sae]

4'10 and shrinking.. dead serious. I am the living example of a ginger oompa loompa.. and it is AWESOME!!!