New, scared mom

[heather827]

Hi, my name is Heather. I've lurked for a few days on this forum and a lot of your words give me a lot of comfort. I thought I was doing okay when BAM, this morning it hit me again like a ton of bricks. A twitch of chest pain and my limbs went weak, I panicked. I've always been a worry wart, a high strung person, but for the last 6 months I've been having panic attacks on a regular basis. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this. They come out of nowhere. I'm fine one moment, but the next I'm in full blown panic mode. I think a lot of it is in my head, but I'm worried at every little twinge of pain my body feels. I have heart palpitations.

I'm worried I'm having a heart attack so the panic sets in. Then I worry the PANIC will cause a heart attack.

I'm a stay-at-home-mother of three. I have a great life in so many ways and a supportive family. But I'm also about 50 lbs overweight, and in the evenings I drink wine so that I can fall asleep without intrusive thoughts and panicking over every heart beat I feel. I've convinced myself that I've ruined my body with being overweight and drinking wine in the evenings. I really feel like some changes of habit would help me--I hope!--but it's difficult to make those changes. Any advice on that would be appreciated. It's not impossible and I'm not trying to make excuses, it's just hard when you're feeling anxiety all the time too. This all is starting to feel like more weight than I can carry and I feel like a burden to my husband. I'm terrified of leaving my children without a mother.

Thanks for listening.

[Soulcatcher71]

Hey Heather, I sympathize completely and can only tell you that you are not alone in how you feel. The only thing that seems to differ between us all on this site, is the 'trigger thought' or the actual thing that causes us the initial anxiety. After that starts we all seem to be one and the same in the way we react. It totally sucks.
If its any consolation I've spent the entire day at work with off and on panic attacks, trying to look 'normal' whilst in meetings.
Not fun :-(

[ErinKCSmith]

Hi Heather. I feel like we have a lot in common with our anxiety! I'm only a mom to one (a 1 year old), but my anxiety has been getting worse and worse lately. I have a terrible fear of dying and leaving my daughter that has increased exponentially over the past year since she was born to the point where now I'm also paying attention to every single heart beat, breath, etc... I've had terrible back pain likely due to caring her around, poor posture, etc... but I convinced myself it was lung cancer or a pulmonary embolism. I finally calmed down about that and then caught a bad cold that has me coughing and seeing tiny threads of blood in the gunk I cough up, so now I'm right back to square one even though my rational mind knows it's all part of having a cold/cough! I also feel like I have an excellent life, a beautiful daughter, a supportive husband and family and that I'm squandering my time with them by worrying. But it's so hard to kick the anxiety!! I don't want to take meds because I'm still breastfeeding my daughter and I would feel so guilty about stopping for that reason. I just found a therapist, so I'm really hoping she can help me get out of this funk.

As far as what you say about your own health, don't beat yourself up about your weight! Just try to start going for a short walk once a day or so - the exercise will make you feel better for sure. Exercising always helps me with my anxiety. You haven't ruined you body! I lost 30 pounds a few years back, it's always possible to get where you want to go, even when it seems impossible. As for the wine - drinking a glass of wine a day is considered healthy for you heart! So don't worry about that!

I hope you can find some comfort soon. Being a mom is very, very hard and I think it really drains us of our sense of self sometimes, without us even noticing. Even though we love being able to be home with our kids, it's so hard to lose yourself in motherhood. I think that's been a lot of the problem for me and why my anxiety has risen so much. Also, the responsibility of caring for our children and the staggering amount of love we have for them is so so overwhelming at times. It makes the stakes so high for everything, so the idea of something bad happening to us just becomes unimaginable.

[gypsylee]

Hi Heather and welcome to the forum :)

I drank wine in the evenings for a long time. A lot more wine than one glass a night. I won't go into that story but will say I'm doing a lot better after stopping.

All the best,
Gypsy x

[Kuma]

Hi Heather. You can do some practical things to help yourself. First, get some exercise. You don't have to become an Olympic athlete, but a brisk walk for 30 minutes a day would be great. If you can afford it, you could even try a personal trainer. Or some yoga. Or tennis. Or whatever you enjoy. Exercise can relieve some stress and can help with weight loss too. If you feel like you are not eating a good diet, that is something you can deal with too. I am not a diet expert, but as a general matter less meat, less dairy, more vegetables, fewer white starches, more whole grains. less refined sugars, less processed food. I switched to a better died a few years ago and I lost weight and improved my blood chemistry and I feel better. It is not as hard as it may seem. You can still "cheat" sometimes, but just most of the time eat a good diet. The wine is fine so long as it is not more than a glass or two a night, and you do not feel like you are addicted. I drink a glass or two of wine mostly every night. Some counseling might help you too. A therapist might be able to give you some help to get over the panic attacks. These are some ways you might be able to help yourself feel better and be happier and live longer. There are all sorts of reasons (excuses) not to do these things. But in my opinion there are better reasons to do them. Best wishes.