I feel like my soul is trapped inside my body

[mb33]

Ever since I was little I always felt a disconnect from the world around me. People wanted to know me, but I didn't want to know them. The only person I've ever truly felt grounded to is my mother. She always seemed to understand me and to this day is the person I call when I feel myself floating away. She has had a hard life and has dealt with depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress. I feel as though the apple didn't fall far from the tree with me. I've always felt surrounded by darkness. When things are good, they're good. But when they're bad, they're horrible. Pain debilitates me. Every time I fall, it gets harder and harder to get back up. Lately, I've felt more and more like a zombie. Like I'm just going through the motions, but none of it feels real or worth it. I look around at the world around me and it is dim. My soul cries every day to be released into the stars. It sounds crazy, I know. I just don't know who to talk to. I'm not sure if anyone in my life would understand, and even if they did, I don't want to burden anyone.
People have started to notice by melancholy. They ask me what's wrong and all I can say is that I don't feel like myself. Truth is, I don't even know who myself is, so how am I supposed to find her?
I know I just need to try therapy and perhaps anti-depressants, but I went to a psychologist one time and found myself crying uncontrollably. I was so embarrassed but I couldn't stop. I felt judged and ashamed so I never went back...

Any advice or anyone out there who can relate?

[gypsylee]

Hey and welcome :)

Oh yeah I can relate. I don't have any advice for you right now, just wanted to welcome you.

Hang in there..
Gypsy x

[mb33]

Thanks Gypsy :)
It's good to know I'm not alone.

[mrslizzyg]

Hey there!
Im sorry you are going through such a tough time. When I was first diagnosed with depression I remember feelings a lot like you just expressed. It was really agonizing...

Let me just say, it can and WILL get better, but you do have to work at it. Whether that's on your own or with a therapist again(if you ever decide to go back), that is up to you. But you are not stuck. YOU are still there, underneath all of this stuff clouding your brain.

Sorry there isn't much else to say.. Just keep your head up. Do things that make YOU happy and keep your mind occupied. Try not to spend a lot of time alone with your thoughts..

:)

[Im-Suffering]

My soul cries every day to be released into the stars.



This is beautiful. You are already there.

Your soul does not cry to be released from the body, but to experience nirvana while in it.

Your feelings are your wake up call.

This is your lesson. And one mom never learned, but silently (subconsciously) she knows the truth and hopes you find it. She could never pull herself out. But that doesnt mean you cant.

Should you find your stars, your place, it will help mom too.

[CodyF]

I have goosebumps reading your post. I have felt the exact same way now for over a year. It started with the passing of my grandmother, who I was living with. All of the sudden I questioned everything about life. What is my purpose? Is life even real? Will I ever feel normal? I also have/had feelings of Depersonalization and feeling like I am just observing myself, and going through motions. Every day I am just confused on what to do to help myself get better. My mind keeps playing tricks on me, and I can realize that but for some reason I can't snap out of it. I have times where I swear I feel like I'm having the biggest breakthrough ever, and that I am ascending and on to something so big that I cannot even wrap my mind around it. So many feelings, and it's such a mess trying to sort them out. I get confused about being confused about what is going on. You are definitely not alone my friend. We will get through this together!! Just remember we control our minds, not the other way around. (I am not the best at realizing this at times).

[mb33]

I can relate to that feeling of breakthrough. I've been there and sometimes it's euphoric, like a light turns on inside and flows through your limbs! If only it lasted. But you're right, we are in control of our own happiness. Today I am in control. I will take this day as a victory and will continue to fight for the true happiness I have always desired. We will get there someday. The fog always lifts.


I am so glad I joined this site and am able to talk to people like you all who have been there or are there.

I always knew I wasn't the only one, but talking to people who can discuss and relate to the exact feelings is quite cathartic.

Thank you Cody and everyone else.