Pluto
06-13-2015, 02:20 PM
Hi!
I really don't know how to begin: I am suffering! Right now, and in every minute.
My problem is: I have anxiety, paranoia and in general fear.
1 (and the most important point) Anxiety) I am afraid, that I might be wrong. When I have a problem, or when I think about something, I am afraid, that my thoughts/etc. could be wrong. When I find a solution, I am extremely satisfied. But then I think "But it could be wrong as well, because of this and this" and it starts from the beginning. The problems I have are thinking problems. When I hear about Communism for example, I think why could this be wrong. And then, after I've found a solution, then another thought pops up in my head saying "But what's when..." and it lasts for about 5 hours (the longest period was two days!). I do not even know why I am thinking about Communism (just one of a few examples) and why I continue to think. Maybe because of perfectionism. Maybe I want to be "perfect" and to "know everything and to be right in every matter". Yes, I use logic thoughts. I mean: When I think about Communism e.g., I try to think extremely logically. I try to avoid fallacies. Indeed, when I talk about it with my friends, my friends do not know how to argue with me, because they don't know any opposite argument. They say, that I had to be a politician or something like this. But this is the deep reality of such a person: Your thoughts are not leaving your head. You wake up, and you start to thing about such situations. You sleep, so you dream about it. Everyday I have an enormous headache because of this. And my problem is: I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to think normally, literally. When I talk about it to my parents (about my thoughts), they're just like: "Why you are thinking about those pointless situations" (My thoughts are going deeper, and deeper, and deeper, and at one point, they're deep enough to not be understood by 99% of the people). One example is: "What if you imagine that the 'dictatorship of the proletariat' is originally meant as a metaphor and it only means that you have to make taxes higher up to 50 per cent?". I know, it's a kinda strange example, but these thoughts are like this. And when I found a very strong contra-argument, I start to worry extremely, I become angry, afraid of the whole situation, it's just like a whole world is going down. Not a good feeling. And it only ends when I have found a solution. Because I think, I can never be happy. I can never enjoy a movie because I've not thought a thing to the end. This thing ruins my life. I cannot enjoy anything just because I cannot rest from my thoughts, they're hunting me and when they find me, I have to thing about this topic. And even when I've found a solution, I think about it over and over again, just "to feel that I'm right". Really, I want to be normal again. It is one of the worst "diseases" you can have, I wish it to no one! I've also made a personality test (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) online. The result: INTJ. T (for thinking): 100% It sounds cool but it really isn't.
2 Paranoia) I also use to be paranoid. For example: The windows are open and I eat pastries filled with chocolate. Then, the chocolate fells on my t-shirt. And I do really have the paranoia, that someone could make a photo of me and then calling me the "choco-guy". Or when I want to sit in public, I always look up (around 4 times) if my seat is clean or not, just because I do not want my pants to be filthy. I generally do not trust someone. I can hardly trust my own parents! Or this: When I make something, I always fear that something bad could happen, even though it's extremely unlikely. One example: I speak with a friend about baseball, and a person hears this. And it is a trigger for him/her and (s)he makes suicide. I do really have such thoughts!
3 Fear) I fear a lot of things: dogs (so I cannot even go in the streets without having fear), approaching girls, being extroverted (see the personality test, "I" stands for Introverted, I had 60%). I cannot approach girls for one reason: In the first class, I told a girl that I'd loved her. And she kicked me in my balls. Since this moment, I fear this. I know, I won't be kicked in my balls, but it's just impossible for me. Some months ago, there was a girl that I liked. She knew that I was in love with her. She also gave hints to approach her (my late interpretation). But I was so afraid, I just couldn't. And now: She's gone, she's not in my school anymore. Or being extroverted: I am known as the person who's quiet and says something intelligent when there's trouble, like an old wise man. But I do not want to live a life where I am in the background. I also don't go outside. Not only because of my dog phobia, but also because I fear that someone can beat me up just because I've looked in his eyes. But I want to go out, to ride a bike, not to fear anything. I also fear, that when I eat or drink something outside, there will come a bee or a wasp and I'll swallow it. So, I hardly can drink or eat anything when I'm outside.
Man, I'm 17, male, and I want to live my life! I want to experience these things a normal teenager use to experience. I was never on a party, I was never kissed, I do not even use to go out! It really sucks :(
But the thing that sucks the most is my anxiety to though-problems. It is such a b****, you cannot imagine. You are literally a slave of your thoughts.
Please help me! I want to live normally! I want to be a normal guy! I nearly have to cry as I'm writing this. What could help? And: What is it?
(Sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker)
I really don't know how to begin: I am suffering! Right now, and in every minute.
My problem is: I have anxiety, paranoia and in general fear.
1 (and the most important point) Anxiety) I am afraid, that I might be wrong. When I have a problem, or when I think about something, I am afraid, that my thoughts/etc. could be wrong. When I find a solution, I am extremely satisfied. But then I think "But it could be wrong as well, because of this and this" and it starts from the beginning. The problems I have are thinking problems. When I hear about Communism for example, I think why could this be wrong. And then, after I've found a solution, then another thought pops up in my head saying "But what's when..." and it lasts for about 5 hours (the longest period was two days!). I do not even know why I am thinking about Communism (just one of a few examples) and why I continue to think. Maybe because of perfectionism. Maybe I want to be "perfect" and to "know everything and to be right in every matter". Yes, I use logic thoughts. I mean: When I think about Communism e.g., I try to think extremely logically. I try to avoid fallacies. Indeed, when I talk about it with my friends, my friends do not know how to argue with me, because they don't know any opposite argument. They say, that I had to be a politician or something like this. But this is the deep reality of such a person: Your thoughts are not leaving your head. You wake up, and you start to thing about such situations. You sleep, so you dream about it. Everyday I have an enormous headache because of this. And my problem is: I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to think normally, literally. When I talk about it to my parents (about my thoughts), they're just like: "Why you are thinking about those pointless situations" (My thoughts are going deeper, and deeper, and deeper, and at one point, they're deep enough to not be understood by 99% of the people). One example is: "What if you imagine that the 'dictatorship of the proletariat' is originally meant as a metaphor and it only means that you have to make taxes higher up to 50 per cent?". I know, it's a kinda strange example, but these thoughts are like this. And when I found a very strong contra-argument, I start to worry extremely, I become angry, afraid of the whole situation, it's just like a whole world is going down. Not a good feeling. And it only ends when I have found a solution. Because I think, I can never be happy. I can never enjoy a movie because I've not thought a thing to the end. This thing ruins my life. I cannot enjoy anything just because I cannot rest from my thoughts, they're hunting me and when they find me, I have to thing about this topic. And even when I've found a solution, I think about it over and over again, just "to feel that I'm right". Really, I want to be normal again. It is one of the worst "diseases" you can have, I wish it to no one! I've also made a personality test (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) online. The result: INTJ. T (for thinking): 100% It sounds cool but it really isn't.
2 Paranoia) I also use to be paranoid. For example: The windows are open and I eat pastries filled with chocolate. Then, the chocolate fells on my t-shirt. And I do really have the paranoia, that someone could make a photo of me and then calling me the "choco-guy". Or when I want to sit in public, I always look up (around 4 times) if my seat is clean or not, just because I do not want my pants to be filthy. I generally do not trust someone. I can hardly trust my own parents! Or this: When I make something, I always fear that something bad could happen, even though it's extremely unlikely. One example: I speak with a friend about baseball, and a person hears this. And it is a trigger for him/her and (s)he makes suicide. I do really have such thoughts!
3 Fear) I fear a lot of things: dogs (so I cannot even go in the streets without having fear), approaching girls, being extroverted (see the personality test, "I" stands for Introverted, I had 60%). I cannot approach girls for one reason: In the first class, I told a girl that I'd loved her. And she kicked me in my balls. Since this moment, I fear this. I know, I won't be kicked in my balls, but it's just impossible for me. Some months ago, there was a girl that I liked. She knew that I was in love with her. She also gave hints to approach her (my late interpretation). But I was so afraid, I just couldn't. And now: She's gone, she's not in my school anymore. Or being extroverted: I am known as the person who's quiet and says something intelligent when there's trouble, like an old wise man. But I do not want to live a life where I am in the background. I also don't go outside. Not only because of my dog phobia, but also because I fear that someone can beat me up just because I've looked in his eyes. But I want to go out, to ride a bike, not to fear anything. I also fear, that when I eat or drink something outside, there will come a bee or a wasp and I'll swallow it. So, I hardly can drink or eat anything when I'm outside.
Man, I'm 17, male, and I want to live my life! I want to experience these things a normal teenager use to experience. I was never on a party, I was never kissed, I do not even use to go out! It really sucks :(
But the thing that sucks the most is my anxiety to though-problems. It is such a b****, you cannot imagine. You are literally a slave of your thoughts.
Please help me! I want to live normally! I want to be a normal guy! I nearly have to cry as I'm writing this. What could help? And: What is it?
(Sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker)