Intro/I need some help/advice.. I intrusive thoughts getting to me tonight :(

[Fanboifresh]

Hey guys. I'm justin. I'm currently unemployed, just moved to Seattle, Washington recently, and I love it up here
I've had anxiety since I was really young. About 12 years old is when it first surfaced itself. Scared me really bad, I never knew what was happening until I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD when I was 13.. Things moved along shortly after that. Then it came back with a vengeance around the time I was 19.. Stuck around for a couple years and disappeared as well. Then about 4 years ago, it came back... Bad.. I suffered with it for quite some time, at points I thought I was going nuts. Then I told my mother about what was going on with me and told her my symptoms. Explain the feelings of have, the way the anxiety comes out of the blue for no reason and then the a deity provokes heavy intrusive thoughts. She told me I may honestly have a slight case of schizophrenia. I was scared to death. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with OCD, bipolar, depression, GAD, and ADHD... :/ yeah, fun stuff. After the diagnoses, I came to terms with it. Accepted it. And been dealing with it almost every single day of my life.. About 70% of my life now. Is anxiety filled for no reason.. :'( I'm here creating the profile tonight because I have been very stressed lately. And last night my gf (of 2.5 years) got into a large fight last night. Then my buddy last night as well got too drunk at the bar, and I had to hold him off from riding his street bike home.. Long story short, he was very violent with everyone and we all love him and just wanted him home safe. Finally got him home with the help of the girlfriend. After that. Things escalated with her, she locked me out of my room, I broke down the door. And she came up and punched me in the face... I let it go, and talked it out. Today has been rough because of tying up loose ends. And we made up tonight and everything is fine. But now after we made up, and we're going to sleep. I started getting intrusive thoughts of me hurting her (i would never, and have never laid a finger on her)
And so I proceeded to ignore them. But they keep coming back, and it started freaking me out really bad, and started questioning if they are intrusive thoughts or urges to act on them... I don't want to hurt her. I love her with all my heart and never would do anything. But I'm afraid that that freak chance that it would become like an "impulsive" action... I think that's the word. Idk, it's when you don't want to do something but you do it without control of doing it? If that makes sense.. I have the same fear about high places.. I can't go near building tops or high ledges because of the panic attacks I get because of the fear of "impulsively" jumping off (it might be compulsive that I'm looking for... Correct me if I am wrong please) anyway. That's my story, and why I Made the account tonight. I can't sleep because of the fear.. I know there are people out there with the same fear as me.. Help me cope with this and help explain to me the difference between intrusive thoughts and actual real urges that I should be worried about... Just would love some reassurance or if I should seek professional help.. Thank you!

Ps I may post a topic about this elsewhere because it was my intro but turned into me speaking about the problem I need advice/help with! Thank you all!

[heather827]

Hey guys. I'm justin. I'm currently unemployed, just moved to Seattle, Washington recently, and I love it up here
I've had anxiety since I was really young. About 12 years old is when it first surfaced itself. Scared me really bad, I never knew what was happening until I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD when I was 13.. Things moved along shortly after that. Then it came back with a vengeance around the time I was 19.. Stuck around for a couple years and disappeared as well. Then about 4 years ago, it came back... Bad.. I suffered with it for quite some time, at points I thought I was going nuts. Then I told my mother about what was going on with me and told her my symptoms. Explain the feelings of have, the way the anxiety comes out of the blue for no reason and then the a deity provokes heavy intrusive thoughts. She told me I may honestly have a slight case of schizophrenia. I was scared to death. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with OCD, bipolar, depression, GAD, and ADHD... :/ yeah, fun stuff. After the diagnoses, I came to terms with it. Accepted it. And been dealing with it almost every single day of my life.. About 70% of my life now. Is anxiety filled for no reason.. :'( I'm here creating the profile tonight because I have been very stressed lately. And last night my gf (of 2.5 years) got into a large fight last night. Then my buddy last night as well got too drunk at the bar, and I had to hold him off from riding his street bike home.. Long story short, he was very violent with everyone and we all love him and just wanted him home safe. Finally got him home with the help of the girlfriend. After that. Things escalated with her, she locked me out of my room, I broke down the door. And she came up and punched me in the face... I let it go, and talked it out. Today has been rough because of tying up loose ends. And we made up tonight and everything is fine. But now after we made up, and we're going to sleep. I started getting intrusive thoughts of me hurting her (i would never, and have never laid a finger on her)
And so I proceeded to ignore them. But they keep coming back, and it started freaking me out really bad, and started questioning if they are intrusive thoughts or urges to act on them... I don't want to hurt her. I love her with all my heart and never would do anything. But I'm afraid that that freak chance that it would become like an "impulsive" action... I think that's the word. Idk, it's when you don't want to do something but you do it without control of doing it? If that makes sense.. I have the same fear about high places.. I can't go near building tops or high ledges because of the panic attacks I get because of the fear of "impulsively" jumping off (it might be compulsive that I'm looking for... Correct me if I am wrong please) anyway. That's my story, and why I Made the account tonight. I can't sleep because of the fear.. I know there are people out there with the same fear as me.. Help me cope with this and help explain to me the difference between intrusive thoughts and actual real urges that I should be worried about... Just would love some reassurance or if I should seek professional help.. Thank you!

Ps I may post a topic about this elsewhere because it was my intro but turned into me speaking about the problem I need advice/help with! Thank you all!

I get intrusive thoughts all the time. It's important to always remember there is a difference between being afraid you'll do something and the actual urge to do something. I understand completely, and this doesn't mean you're a dangerous person. You would probably never jump off a building, but I understand that fear of the impulsiveness can be very real.

But that doesn't mean you WANT to do it. You probably have a good imagination too, right? I can drive myself crazy allowing my imagination to take over. What helps me is to use some cognitive behavioral therapy. Nip those intrusive thoughts in the bud and remind yourself, You don't WANT to do that just because you can imagine it. Then insist your mind changes the subject. I'll try and do whatever it takes, start looking for shapes in the clouds, praying, call a friend to chat. Distract yourself.

That's how I help myself cope with intrusive thoughts. Mine often involve my children getting hurt--which terrifies me. Or sometimes it's literally just a dark image that scares me. I get these often when trying to fall asleep. They suck. But they have no power over you.

[Fanboifresh]

I get intrusive thoughts all the time. It's important to always remember there is a difference between being afraid you'll do something and the actual urge to do something. I understand completely, and this doesn't mean you're a dangerous person. You would probably never jump off a building, but I understand that fear of the impulsiveness can be very real.

But that doesn't mean you WANT to do it. You probably have a good imagination too, right? I can drive myself crazy allowing my imagination to take over. What helps me is to use some cognitive behavioral therapy. Nip those intrusive thoughts in the bud and remind yourself, You don't WANT to do that just because you can imagine it. Then insist your mind changes the subject. I'll try and do whatever it takes, start looking for shapes in the clouds, praying, call a friend to chat. Distract yourself.

That's how I help myself cope with intrusive thoughts. Mine often involve my children getting hurt--which terrifies me. Or sometimes it's literally just a dark image that scares me. I get these often when trying to fall asleep. They suck. But they have no power over you.


Thank you for the reply. Yeah I've grown to deal with them. I was just goof through a tough spot and it let to more anxiety and more intrusive thoughts.. It was terrible.. But it's better now.

My only issue currently is the HPP (high place pheonnominom) and it's terrifying. My gf and roommates work at mid rise and high rise apartments and we go there a lot. And whenever we go on the deck. I hold onto my girlfriend for dear life, I for some reason have like immediate fear that i want to jump off, so I cling on to her because I don't want to.. It's super confusing.. I just want to be able to go out on the observation deck with all of them and not worry. Just enjoy the views :(

Also, I am desperate for a job and a job at a 5 story building presented itself. Had the interview. (Which we had on the roof) and I did ok while i was up there.. But I also wasn't alone. I'm super scared of being up there alone if I do get the job..


If anyone knows anything about this feeling, I'd love to hear how you moved past it

[mrslizzyg]

Thank you for the reply. Yeah I've grown to deal with them. I was just goof through a tough spot and it let to more anxiety and more intrusive thoughts.. It was terrible.. But it's better now.

My only issue currently is the HPP (high place pheonnominom) and it's terrifying. My gf and roommates work at mid rise and high rise apartments and we go there a lot. And whenever we go on the deck. I hold onto my girlfriend for dear life, I for some reason have like immediate fear that i want to jump off, so I cling on to her because I don't want to.. It's super confusing.. I just want to be able to go out on the observation deck with all of them and not worry. Just enjoy the views :(

Also, I am desperate for a job and a job at a 5 story building presented itself. Had the interview. (Which we had on the roof) and I did ok while i was up there.. But I also wasn't alone. I'm super scared of being up there alone if I do get the job..


If anyone knows anything about this feeling, I'd love to hear how you moved past it

Hey there, I live in WA too :) just outside of Seattle.

I totally can relate to this thing with heights.. I like to tell people I don't have a fear of "heights" I have a fear of falling or jumping from something high.. BUT on the flip side of that when I am up high, I also get that impulsive feeling to jump. I certainty don't WANT to jump, and I'm not suicidal, but that feeling still overwhelms me. It makes me panicky and uncomfortable right away.

I wish I could tell you how to overcome it, but I really don't know. The only thing that has ever worked for me is if the view is pretty- I try focusing on that instead. It is a lot more peaceful.

What are the chances you would end up being alone during this job? I feel like most jobs have people around them a lot of the time.

Seattle is a bad place for heights =/

[Fanboifresh]

Hey there, I live in WA too :) just outside of Seattle.

I totally can relate to this thing with heights.. I like to tell people I don't have a fear of "heights" I have a fear of falling or jumping from something high.. BUT on the flip side of that when I am up high, I also get that impulsive feeling to jump. I certainty don't WANT to jump, and I'm not suicidal, but that feeling still overwhelms me. It makes me panicky and uncomfortable right away.

I wish I could tell you how to overcome it, but I really don't know. The only thing that has ever worked for me is if the view is pretty- I try focusing on that instead. It is a lot more peaceful.

What are the chances you would end up being alone during this job? I feel like most jobs have people around them a lot of the time.

Seattle is a bad place for heights =/


Sorry to hear you have it too :( I'm glad I'm not alone on this, but sorry there's others..

Well I'll be a maintenance tech, so I'll be alone almost all the time. I won't need to go on the roof much I don't think, but if I do go have up there, it probably be alone.

But yeah, this fear is so damn overwhelming. It doesn't make sense to me either because I think of it like this, I don't want to jump out of a moving car, I'm not tempted to drink bleach (I'm scared to usually even touch the bottle in fear it may get in my mouth) not afraid of holding knives (I used to be because of the intrusive thoughts of harming others, but got over that) for some reason, just whenever I see a great heighth, I get so damn scared I'll jump off, without my own control, I mean I don't want to die and frankly am scared of accidentally dying lol. Doesn't make sense..

Sucks because I LOVE looking at the views but being near any sort of ledge/railing with a rather large drop, I can't focus on anything Except being far from it and holding onto something or someone. So I know I can't impulsively jump off.. I mean this fear is debilitating.. Like i CANT go near them. I just wish I knew someone who had this and could verify me that I won't and could tell me how to conquer it.. I used to love heights and they never bothered me..

:/ thanks for your input :) yeah I live up near Lynnwood but all roommates and gf work downtown Seattle. And if I get the job, luckily it's only 5 story's rather than their buildings, 24 floors 0.O... Le sighhhh.

Any words of wisdom on being near the edges? Is yours pretty close to as severe as mine?

[mrslizzyg]

I don't think mine is quite as severe, because I don't avoid going up high. I try to stay away from the ledge, though.

My best advice is to keep reminding yourself that you ARE in control. They are just thoughts. You have the ability to decide NOT to jump. You haven't done it so far, why would you do it now? Tell your anxiety that you are in control. Don't let it trick you. :)

[Fanboifresh]

Haha okie, thanks mrs Lizzy g. That's what I've been doing. It's worked so far, but my OCD just insists on being an A Hole instead hahaha grrrrr

"Oh look a pretty view" (OCD wakes up, shoot, I'm late) "oh my god i what if I was to jump uncontrollably"
"Damnit OCD"

[mrslizzyg]

Haha okie, thanks mrs Lizzy g. That's what I've been doing. It's worked so far, but my OCD just insists on being an A Hole instead hahaha grrrrr

"Oh look a pretty view" (OCD wakes up, shoot, I'm late) "oh my god i what if I was to jump uncontrollably"
"Damnit OCD"

You are welcome, sorry I don't have much more to offer!

[Fanboifresh]

You are welcome, sorry I don't have much more to offer!

Haha no worries!!! Thanks! If you're down it would be nice to message ya and keep in touch. I need a fellow anxiety buddy!

[Fanboifresh]

Hey haha, it's staying I need to post one more time to be able to send messages... So here I am.. Posting... Blah blah lol maybe I can message you now haha