Hey guys. Newbie here (to the forum) also have a problem id like help with please!

[Fanboifresh]

Hey guys. I'm justin. I'm currently unemployed, just moved to Seattle, Washington recently, and I love it up here
I've had anxiety since I was really young. About 12 years old is when it first surfaced itself. Scared me really bad, I never knew what was happening until I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD when I was 13.. Things moved along shortly after that. Then it came back with a vengeance around the time I was 19.. Stuck around for a couple years and disappeared as well. Then about 4 years ago, it came back... Bad.. I suffered with it for quite some time, at points I thought I was going nuts. Then I told my mother about what was going on with me and told her my symptoms. Explain the feelings of have, the way the anxiety comes out of the blue for no reason and then the a deity provokes heavy intrusive thoughts. She told me I may honestly have a slight case of schizophrenia. I was scared to death. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with OCD, bipolar, depression, GAD, and ADHD... :/ yeah, fun stuff. After the diagnoses, I came to terms with it. Accepted it. And been dealing with it almost every single day of my life.. About 70% of my life now. Is anxiety filled for no reason.. :'( I'm here creating the profile tonight because I have been very stressed lately. And last night my gf (of 2.5 years) got into a large fight last night. Then my buddy last night as well got too drunk at the bar, and I had to hold him off from riding his street bike home.. Long story short, he was very violent with everyone and we all love him and just wanted him home safe. Finally got him home with the help of the girlfriend. After that. Things escalated with her, she locked me out of my room, I broke down the door. And she came up and punched me in the face... I let it go, and talked it out. Today has been rough because of tying up loose ends. And we made up tonight and everything is fine. But now after we made up, and we're going to sleep. I started getting intrusive thoughts of me hurting her (i would never, and have never laid a finger on her)
And so I proceeded to ignore them. But they keep coming back, and it started freaking me out really bad, and started questioning if they are intrusive thoughts or urges to act on them... I don't want to hurt her. I love her with all my heart and never would do anything. But I'm afraid that that freak chance that it would become like an "impulsive" action... I think that's the word. Idk, it's when you don't want to do something but you do it without control of doing it? If that makes sense.. I have the same fear about high places.. I can't go near building tops or high ledges because of the panic attacks I get because of the fear of "impulsively" jumping off (it might be compulsive that I'm looking for... Correct me if I am wrong please) anyway. That's my story, and why I Made the account tonight. I can't sleep because of the fear.. I know there are people out there with the same fear as me.. Help me cope with this and help explain to me the difference between intrusive thoughts and actual real urges that I should be worried about... Just would love some reassurance or if I should seek professional help.. Thank you!

Ps I may post a topic about this elsewhere because it was my intro but turned into me speaking about the problem I need advice/help with! Thank you all!

[gypsylee]

Hi Justin and welcome :)

I generally don't say much in the Welcome section so I'll keep this short.

It's tricky to know what to tell you because you've been diagnosed with a few things there, including bipolar, which is actually a psychotic illness. But see "intrusive thoughts" with anxiety don't result in you acting on them because no matter how anxious you are you remain rational. Psychotic illnesses are when the lines blur between reality and non-reality and you lose rational thinking. So it's hard for me to give you advice without knowing more about those diagnoses.

Anyway, do post this in the General Discussion section because you'll probably get more help.

All the best,
Gypsy x

[Soulcatcher71]

I know exactly what you mean by the impulsive thoughts thing, and especially the urge to jump. When I was younger I couldn't go anywhere near a high place purely because of the overwhelming urge to jump. I haven't got a fear of heights, and I've never had a suicidal thought in my life, yet I would have a desire to 'go back home' as I thought of it, every time I was near a precipice.

Unfortunately I haven't got the answer for it - it went away as I got older I guess. But even now I get impulsive thoughts about 'what if I was just to ... ' - I think the difference between the impulsive thought and the stress, is that the stress is caused by an internal struggle within about whether or not you would actually carry out the action. Personally, in these situations when I've relaxed, I realise that I never would of actually carried out the act - 90% of the problem was the worrying thoughts triggered afterwards.

Unless you are going to tell me different, I don't think you'll ever be in danger of actually following through one of those thoughts.
Most people probably get these thoughts flick into their mind from time to time, the difference being that they don't dwell on them, they just let them float by.
Somehow we have to learn to do the same?

[Fanboifresh]

Yeah i don't understand why I have this fear of jumping. It may be because of s bad break up, I almost jumped off a 9 story parking garage... Probably it. But the intrusive thoughts of harming others makes so sense to me. My gf and I made up and were cuddling when intrusive thoughts popped in my head of (I'll be honest) what if/I could smother her with a pillow. Scared me really bad to where I got out of bed and went downstairs and took my Ativan.. Then I got super scared because I was so anxious and I was second guessing myself, "maybe this isn't anxiety, maybe I just think like this" and I forced myself to say out loud I would never hurt her or anyone and I love her to death... Then it calmed down after the Ativsn kicked in.. And realized I was just being stupid.. But the thoughts se so frequent and at such random times. When everything is ok and I have no harsh feelings towards anyone.. Idk. It's just hard. I wish I had medical insurance so I could go see a counselor or therapist.. But that's out of the equation.. So I'm looking here for people who can help me out.. Thanks for you responses people

[mrslizzyg]

Hey guys. I'm justin. I'm currently unemployed, just moved to Seattle, Washington recently, and I love it up here
I've had anxiety since I was really young. About 12 years old is when it first surfaced itself. Scared me really bad, I never knew what was happening until I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD when I was 13.. Things moved along shortly after that. Then it came back with a vengeance around the time I was 19.. Stuck around for a couple years and disappeared as well. Then about 4 years ago, it came back... Bad.. I suffered with it for quite some time, at points I thought I was going nuts. Then I told my mother about what was going on with me and told her my symptoms. Explain the feelings of have, the way the anxiety comes out of the blue for no reason and then the a deity provokes heavy intrusive thoughts. She told me I may honestly have a slight case of schizophrenia. I was scared to death. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with OCD, bipolar, depression, GAD, and ADHD... :/ yeah, fun stuff. After the diagnoses, I came to terms with it. Accepted it. And been dealing with it almost every single day of my life.. About 70% of my life now. Is anxiety filled for no reason.. :'( I'm here creating the profile tonight because I have been very stressed lately. And last night my gf (of 2.5 years) got into a large fight last night. Then my buddy last night as well got too drunk at the bar, and I had to hold him off from riding his street bike home.. Long story short, he was very violent with everyone and we all love him and just wanted him home safe. Finally got him home with the help of the girlfriend. After that. Things escalated with her, she locked me out of my room, I broke down the door. And she came up and punched me in the face... I let it go, and talked it out. Today has been rough because of tying up loose ends. And we made up tonight and everything is fine. But now after we made up, and we're going to sleep. I started getting intrusive thoughts of me hurting her (i would never, and have never laid a finger on her)
And so I proceeded to ignore them. But they keep coming back, and it started freaking me out really bad, and started questioning if they are intrusive thoughts or urges to act on them... I don't want to hurt her. I love her with all my heart and never would do anything. But I'm afraid that that freak chance that it would become like an "impulsive" action... I think that's the word. Idk, it's when you don't want to do something but you do it without control of doing it? If that makes sense.. I have the same fear about high places.. I can't go near building tops or high ledges because of the panic attacks I get because of the fear of "impulsively" jumping off (it might be compulsive that I'm looking for... Correct me if I am wrong please) anyway. That's my story, and why I Made the account tonight. I can't sleep because of the fear.. I know there are people out there with the same fear as me.. Help me cope with this and help explain to me the difference between intrusive thoughts and actual real urges that I should be worried about... Just would love some reassurance or if I should seek professional help.. Thank you!

Ps I may post a topic about this elsewhere because it was my intro but turned into me speaking about the problem I need advice/help with! Thank you all!

Well first and foremost- hello fellow PNWesterner! I live in Washington as well. I LOVE it here. Born and raised.

Anyways... It sounds to me like your thoughts of hurting your girlfriend are just anxiety.. a fear...
I have had my fair share of impulsive thoughts, but I never actually act on them. Sometimes I left there like, " why the hell was I even thinking about that?!"

I think the only time you need to worry is if you start to lose that mindset of not wanting to hurt her and you just don't care anymore. That's when it's scary territory.

We aren't therapists or doctors.. but everyone here can offer some different perspectives and advice that can help you out. I've only been posting for a month or so and I see everyone here as my little online family. :)

Good luck!