Need a little help with confrontation

[gadguy]

OK here is the deal...I am pretty low key and try to avoid drama and conflict. That being said, my Family is dealing with the health care and all the emotional issues that are involved with caring for elderly parents( my Grandparents). My parents are "hard" people, they both lack patience and compassion to a point. It has a lot to do with how they were raised, one grew up in an abusive home were to dog was treated better than the children, the other were cigarettes were more important than feeding the kids. Get the picture.

Anyway my Mom is really just not able to let go anything my Grandparents do, they are spoiled children at moment very demanding and you really do not know what to believe when they talk about ailments, it switches from one minute to the next and my Grandfather keeps telling everyone he will be dead in a day or two.

Mom can't let this go, she takes it all serious and just goes over it play by play in her head......well she has now started lashing out at others...very normal actions for her...if she is ever upset or mad she is never happy until she has ruined everyones day.

I have started visiting them more because i do realize they need to vent to someone and I perfectly fine with the venting, its good to let things out.

Well it happened, Mom was venting and in mid stream she switched direction to another topic, asked me a question which I misunderstood, she jump on me for not understanding. Well probably for only the second time in my life I stop her in her tracks, asked her not to jump on me..sorry I just misunderstood question, and that was the end.

About an hour later she calls me at home and asked why I jumped on her for complaining about Grandparents? HUH? Sorry Mom I did not jump on you, you jumped on me and I told you not to that, I'm one of the good guys remember. She twist things around to make her be the one that is right, I don't even think she realizes it.

I think I need to talk with her about dwelling on the things my Grandparents do, and hanging on to it...if you do it will drive you crazy...I know...I do spend time with them but i have to take everything with a grain of salt. Progress for me that I'm not dwelling on it.

I am not sure how or even if i should approach the subject...she has anger issues always has, this is were a lot of my anxiety stems from, it was always scary as child not knowing if she would be in a bad mood when she got home from work...and most of the time she was.

What would you do?

[dancingsunflowers80]

Bless your heart. I've actually been in your shoes, our families sound similar. It was like walking on eggshells all the time, especially when my mom was caring for my grandma. I confronted my mom for the way she was treating my grandma (she would yell at her and belittle her but she had dementia and couldn't control her words/actions), and after the confrontation, my mom and I didn't speak for 9 months. After therapy (long story short), I learned to create boundaries with my mom, which included, not being able to confront her and maintain a very surface level relationship. It has been difficult at times, but it's the way it has to be in order to have a somewhat functioning relationship. If you are comfortable talking to her, I would go for it. If not, learn some coping mechanisms to let it go and move on. It's great that you are visiting them. Hang in there!! If you need a resource for counseling, let me know!

mommato2lilmonkeys