Opinions on my 12 year old brother

[BrookeLynnnn]

I'm not even sure where to start..

My brother has some serious issues. He's spoiled beyond belief but that's not all. If my parents tell him no, he FLIPS OUT. Screaming, yelling, saying mean awful things. Him & I do not get along because I call him out on his shit. Where for my mom, she says to just ignore him when he's mean. I know it's hard on her because everyday with him is hell. He says things about me, like killing me.. & when our cat chewed up his cord, he freaked out & said he was going to slice her throat. He's never done anything violent, yet. But the things he says really scares me. My moms taken him to the primary doctor but she can't tell them the things my brother says because she's afraid of him getting taken away (mental hospital.) So the doctors don't see anything wrong & think he's just a normal boy. She made him an appt with a psychiatrist but they can't see him for a couple months. She's tried counseling but he only went twice & said he didn't like it.

I seriously don't know what to do. I try to explain the severity of all this to my mom but she just doesn't want to hear it.

He's absolutely bipolar. But no one sees this because they aren't in our home to see.

What does his behavior sound like? I would like info to relay back to my mom. She just made him another appt to see his primary dr about meds but I think he needs more help then just that.

[jessed03]

Not good, that's for sure.

I'm glad you guys are working on his behaviour nice and early. Gives you years to get him on the straight and narrow before he becomes an adult.

Kids can act out for a number of reasons. Talking to someone should help him though. The fact he isn't violent at all is a good sign. Psychopaths and schizophrenics can often be violent from a young age.

Has he ever been bullied or suffered any kind of trauma?

[Goomba]

Sounds like you're on the right path.

The severity of it should be communicated to the psychiatrist, and another counselor.

In my opinion, if you guys can see how intense his behavior can be, he shouldn't be able to decide to not go to counseling simply for not enjoying it.

Or, at least, not until a professional has a gauge on the behavior you are describing here.

That being said, it's not uncommon for kids to say extreme things when they are at a stage where they do not handle anger well.

As Jesse said, it's great that there has been no action behind the words, as that is the largest indicator of a deeper problem.

Not being able to manage anger can become serious though. A lot of anxiety/depression stems from this, so it is important, in my opinion, that he is actively working with someone to ensure his emotional health keeps positive.

I have read (I believe) that your mom has bad anxiety, in addition to you. It is possible that he has been picking up on all of this stuff, and just needs help keeping it in perspective.

[BrookeLynnnn]

Thank you both for replying!

He has been bullied quite a bit actually. The days where it was bad at school, he came home & was really mean to us. But now, it's all the time. Even when he isn't in school.

I forgot to mention also, he's told my mom about 3 times that he thinks he's gay. My mom gets angry & assures him he is not. My sister is gay & my mom is totally fine with it but she says it's different for my brother. Idk. Maybe he's got all this built up emotion because he actually might be gay? & it comes out in anger?

[jessed03]

Hmm, yes, possibly. I remember being a really bad kid myself cos I had all this pent up emotion inside of me. While I'm not gay, I was bullied. I'd beat up my brother pretty bad and push my mum around and stuff. I was about the same age as your bro too.

It's confusing being young. You don't really have control over your life and don't always know how to process things. All of these frustrations can manifest themselves in weird ways. Like Goomba said, being completely open and honest throughout the therapy process is the best thing to do. There's no way they'll take your bro into care just for showing signs of struggling.

Do you live at home? Guess you're not too happy about your own kid being exposed to that, huh?

[BrookeLynnnn]

Hmm, yes, possibly. I remember being a really bad kid myself cos I had all this pent up emotion inside of me. While I'm not gay, I was bullied. I'd beat up my brother pretty bad and push my mum around and stuff. I was about the same age as your bro too.

It's confusing being young. You don't really have control over your life and don't always know how to process things. All of these frustrations can manifest themselves in weird ways. Like Goomba said, being completely open and honest throughout the therapy process is the best thing to do. There's no way they'll take your bro into care just for showing signs of struggling.

Do you live at home? Guess you're not too happy about your own kid being exposed to that, huh?

Okay that's good to know. See, my parents have all girls except my brother. So maybe boys are just different too. Because I never put through this.

I'll make sure my mom tells all when she finds him another counselor. We're gonna go tomorrow & find him one.

But yes this worries me! He'll say things like, I'm gonna teach your son to be just like me. & that is terrifying. I don't plan on living at home forever but this makes me never want him around my son. & that makes me sad. My brother & I have NEVER got along. Ever. I'm just not the type to sit around & let this behavior go on. I would like him to get help so we can actually have a relationship & him have one with my son..

[Kixxi]

I'm not even sure where to start..

My brother has some serious issues. He's spoiled beyond belief but that's not all. If my parents tell him no, he FLIPS OUT. Screaming, yelling, saying mean awful things. Him & I do not get along because I call him out on his shit. Where for my mom, she says to just ignore him when he's mean. I know it's hard on her because everyday with him is hell. He says things about me, like killing me.. & when our cat chewed up his cord, he freaked out & said he was going to slice her throat. He's never done anything violent, yet. But the things he says really scares me. My moms taken him to the primary doctor but she can't tell them the things my brother says because she's afraid of him getting taken away (mental hospital.) So the doctors don't see anything wrong & think he's just a normal boy. She made him an appt with a psychiatrist but they can't see him for a couple months. She's tried counseling but he only went twice & said he didn't like it.

I seriously don't know what to do. I try to explain the severity of all this to my mom but she just doesn't want to hear it.

He's absolutely bipolar. But no one sees this because they aren't in our home to see.

What does his behavior sound like? I would like info to relay back to my mom. She just made him another appt to see his primary dr about meds but I think he needs more help then just that.

It's hard to say whether this is a medical condition or just behaviour that is instilled into him, for example, he knows when he shows this behaviour he gets his way.
Either way, it is better to medically check out violent behaviour... I'd wait and see until the psychiatrist and if he or she can't find anything wrong, he is probably acting that way because it gets him results? (whatever those results may be)

[BrookeLynnnn]

It's hard to say whether this is a medical condition or just behaviour that is instilled into him, for example, he knows when he shows this behaviour he gets his way.
Either way, it is better to medically check out violent behaviour... I'd wait and see until the psychiatrist and if he or she can't find anything wrong, he is probably acting that way because it gets him results? (whatever those results may be)

It could be because he gets his way but he also acts out even when he doesn't want anything. Like the comments about me, he makes those just when he's upset. He'll come home being mean & I'll tell him not to be rude. He then tells me to shut my mouth & says other mean things..

It's so hard finding a psychiatrist for a 12 year old :( mine that I go to doesn't see children. So we had to find him one out of town & his appt isn't until August.

[Goomba]

It seems like he is using it as a coping tool for everything.

Bullying

Identity confusion

Growing up

Anxiety in the household

To a degree, he has probably learned to act this way to protect himself.

I do think a psychologist/therapist is the best route. Remember - psychiatry is usually med oriented.

I 100% can relate to why you would not get along with him, but realistically, maybe that's exactly what he needs?

I wouldn't want to be a kid in today's world.

[Kixxi]

It could be because he gets his way but he also acts out even when he doesn't want anything. Like the comments about me, he makes those just when he's upset. He'll come home being mean & I'll tell him not to be rude. He then tells me to shut my mouth & says other mean things..

It's so hard finding a psychiatrist for a 12 year old :( mine that I go to doesn't see children. So we had to find him one out of town & his appt isn't until August.

True. It's not always easy. Sometimes adults have problems getting one to ;) I've been waiting for four months lol!
Anyway, maybe he just has issues expressing himself and has some pent up anger somewhere? Is he only this way towards you or towards anyone?

[needtogetwell]

Brooke,

You have some great replies here. Just going to add a little bit.

As the mom of a 15yr old, I have been living through the horror of male puberty for the last 3 or 4 years. It is absolutely the worst. And I'm only half way through.

If you can remember how awful puberty was for you, and it was horrible for most of us, we can remember how confusing a time it was. Not a child and not an adult, kind of nowhere. Hormones you don't understand raging, and you should be able to relate being that you are going through pregnancy hormone hell.

A therapist for him and your parents is likely the way to go. And then I think you are going to have to ride it out. Your parents have given him a good solid base of right, wrong and respect, he will simply grow into that knowledge with time, patience and love.

Cheers sweetie!
Pam

[JohnC]

I am sorta having a similar issue with my 9 year old son. Gets really pissed and starts slamming things and he has even punched my wife in the stomach right in front of the doctor. We had him there to be evaluated for ADD. It's like he cant control his anger and when he hit the wife i whooped his ass right there in the doctors office and not a word was said.
I am not really up for drugging my son but i don't want him to get to far out of control. The odd thing is, his teachers say he is just fine at school.

[BrookeLynnnn]

Brooke,

You have some great replies here. Just going to add a little bit.

As the mom of a 15yr old, I have been living through the horror of male puberty for the last 3 or 4 years. It is absolutely the worst. And I'm only half way through.

If you can remember how awful puberty was for you, and it was horrible for most of us, we can remember how confusing a time it was. Not a child and not an adult, kind of nowhere. Hormones you don't understand raging, and you should be able to relate being that you are going through pregnancy hormone hell.

A therapist for him and your parents is likely the way to go. And then I think you are going to have to ride it out. Your parents have given him a good solid base of right, wrong and respect, he will simply grow into that knowledge with time, patience and love.

Cheers sweetie!
Pam

He's been like this for as long as I can remember so I don't know if it's completely all puberty. Like when he was 6, he punched my in the face & gave me a black eye. The verbal threats have been going on for about 2 years. It's awful. I can only imagine puberty here soon!!

Thankfully, my puberty was me out partying at the age of 14. & not anything violent.

Thank you for replying Pam! :)

I really hope he allows the counseling to work.

[BrookeLynnnn]

I am sorta having a similar issue with my 9 year old son. Gets really pissed and starts slamming things and he has even punched my wife in the stomach right in front of the doctor. We had him there to be evaluated for ADD. It's like he cant control his anger and when he hit the wife i whooped his ass right there in the doctors office and not a word was said.
I am not really up for drugging my son but i don't want him to get to far out of control. The odd thing is, his teachers say he is just fine at school.

We thought he had add also! His teacher said he won't concentrate in class & he has a hard time doing any work. But the Drs don't wanna test him for it. They say he's just being a normal kid.

& same for my brother, he simply cannot control his anger. I have holes all up & down my door & his door from him getting mad.

My mom was against meds also but it's getting worse. & we are afraid of how far this will go. If he can take something to even out his mood swings, I think everything would be okay. With the help of counseling also.

It's just hard because I've never seen any child act like this. & my poor mom is burnt out. She doesn't even argue back. He calls her names & I'm the one who tells him to stop. My dad is always working so he doesn't see as much as we do. The one thing he does though, is discipline him when he is home to witness it. But it's like, even that doesn't have any affect on him.

[needtogetwell]

I am sorta having a similar issue with my 9 year old son. Gets really pissed and starts slamming things and he has even punched my wife in the stomach right in front of the doctor. We had him there to be evaluated for ADD. It's like he cant control his anger and when he hit the wife i whooped his ass right there in the doctors office and not a word was said.
I am not really up for drugging my son but i don't want him to get to far out of control. The odd thing is, his teachers say he is just fine at school.

John, we were having huge trouble with anger with my son. eventhough I didnt want to put him on drugs, we tried respiridone and it has worked like magic. Something to consider if you are at your wits end. PM me if you ever want to know more about this.

[Kixxi]

We thought he had add also! His teacher said he won't concentrate in class & he has a hard time doing any work. But the Drs don't wanna test him for it. They say he's just being a normal kid.

& same for my brother, he simply cannot control his anger. I have holes all up & down my door & his door from him getting mad.

My mom was against meds also but it's getting worse. & we are afraid of how far this will go. If he can take something to even out his mood swings, I think everything would be okay. With the help of counseling also.

It's just hard because I've never seen any child act like this. & my poor mom is burnt out. She doesn't even argue back. He calls her names & I'm the one who tells him to stop. My dad is always working so he doesn't see as much as we do. The one thing he does though, is discipline him when he is home to witness it. But it's like, even that doesn't have any affect on him.

When someone tells me a lack of concentration I often think of ADD and ADHD, although it is quite the common term these days and nobody takes it seriously. However, my cousin has it and he was really hard to handle before he got diagnosed. I don't know if this is the case here, but could just be hitting puberty since he's 12...

[needtogetwell]

not that I advocate meds for kids, but Risperidone has worked wonders for Justins anger issues. He is 6 feet and 230 lbs, thats a lot of uncontrolable anger coming at you. I too have holes in the walls where he got mad. He has been on this since December and he still gets angry but is much easier to reason with and now has much more self control. and best of all, no more holes!

[needtogetwell]

We thought he had add also! His teacher said he won't concentrate in class & he has a hard time doing any work. But the Drs don't wanna test him for it. They say he's just being a normal kid.

& same for my brother, he simply cannot control his anger. I have holes all up & down my door & his door from him getting mad.

My mom was against meds also but it's getting worse. & we are afraid of how far this will go. If he can take something to even out his mood swings, I think everything would be okay. With the help of counseling also.

It's just hard because I've never seen any child act like this. & my poor mom is burnt out. She doesn't even argue back. He calls her names & I'm the one who tells him to stop. My dad is always working so he doesn't see as much as we do. The one thing he does though, is discipline him when he is home to witness it. But it's like, even that doesn't have any affect on him.

Your doctor is being lazy, your parents need to insist that they test him for adhd. That could very well be part of his issue.