ALWAYS apologizing

[mrslizzyg]

I say sorry ALL THE DAMN TIME.

For stupid things...IE, I'm getting water at work, and someone else comes in waiting for me to finish so they can get water, automatic, "sorry" for holding the line up. Who freakin cares? I'm not doing anything wrong!!

IE..I didn't cook dinner for my husband, he comes home and I automatically say "sorry I didn't cook tonight." I HAVE NO REASON TO BE SORRY! I don't cook dinner sometimes. He does it.. and he also is never angry that I didn't cook dinner. It's not a big deal!

Ugh. I just am getting tired of hearing myself apologize all the time...

Anyone else have this problem?

[needtogetwell]

Are you sure you aren't Canadian???? Lol. That seems to be something that we are accused of more often than not.

Anyway, I just read it as being polite and considerate of others. Catch yourself when you can, but don't stress about it. You really do have a grip on it, just re-read your post!

[Kixxi]

I say sorry ALL THE DAMN TIME.

For stupid things...IE, I'm getting water at work, and someone else comes in waiting for me to finish so they can get water, automatic, "sorry" for holding the line up. Who freakin cares? I'm not doing anything wrong!!

IE..I didn't cook dinner for my husband, he comes home and I automatically say "sorry I didn't cook tonight." I HAVE NO REASON TO BE SORRY! I don't cook dinner sometimes. He does it.. and he also is never angry that I didn't cook dinner. It's not a big deal!

Ugh. I just am getting tired of hearing myself apologize all the time...

Anyone else have this problem?

Hell yes... I say sorry for the most stupid things.
For example. I'm cooking dinner in the kitchen and someone wants to pass - sorry...
I feel sick and not that great on a certain day - sorry I'm no fun today...
I stop working half an hour early cuz I don't feel great - saying sorry to my fiancé.... (I'm self-employed)

I think it stems from the feeling that we are not equal to others, maybe because we feel other people have more value. Even though this is not true, a lack of self-esteem can cause this...

[JohnC]

I think that it shows compasion

[mrslizzyg]

LOL, no I am not Canadian...

I think it an extent it is being polite/showing compassion.. I am a really empathetic person so that would make sense too..

But even I get on my nerves with it haha.. I agree with the maybe not feeling equal to people thing. I don't have a lot of self confidence(I'm good at faking it sometimes..) so maybe that's why. I guess I need to work on some self esteem! :)

[NixonRulz]

My wife does the same thing. Even her voicemail used to say she was sorry she couldn't answer the phone

You give away some type of power when you constantly apologize

I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner

[Ponder]

I can see how constantly apologizing may be seen as handing someone power. More so the perception of those who like to take advantage of those likewise vulnerable. I apologize a lot of the time to my family who seemingly expect so much of me. Someone could say I am a doormat but that does not make it so. Only if I give into such a perception.

Indeed, it may reflect and in many cases it does ... low self esteem.

If your hooked on it ... don't try and stop saying srry immediately. Just check your tone trying not to sound so pathetic about it ... if indeed you are handing yourself off as a door mat each time you apologize. I don't think that is the case (if so, look at it differently). More often than not ... its just being tired of dealing with life. If it works, then ride with that. If others take your apathy as some kind of sign to suck you dry ... use sarcasm to promote a passive aggressive effect. (I think I will take my own advice up - regarding my own thread. It's all a matter of perspective- use whatever to empower yourself then when you can afford ... move on from that.)

Once you get enough space and give more recognition to the core of your problem, then you can work on more positive strategies. What others may consider as negative, need not be for you.

Just alter your tone ... and work your way forward from there.

Hope some of that makes sense. My attempt to make you feel comfortable being who you are with a little suggestion on how to move on. Usually works for me - nature does the rest. ;)

[needtogetwell]

Nicely said Ponder.

[Ponder]

Warm thoughts are sent your way Pam. ---....... I forgot to say ... and not that it needs to be said, but ... screw the ego here ... but I could not agree more with what John Said! (that is usually my tone when I do say srry ... again .. it another's issue if they can't handle it or feel the need to belittle it)

[Im-Suffering]

Communication is 7% verbal. In that context one must ask, "what am i really trying to say in this instance".

Rephrase your thoughts to be more inline with your true feelings, communicate better. Is what you are thinking, feeling, expressing how you really feel?

To some, communication is an effort best suppressed, usually in fear of some sort of confrontation. So the immediate apology is seen as a way out. (learned or conditioned knee jerk response). Or maybe if you speak your truth you will be invalidated or unheard. (childhood conditioning).

Learn to speak your truth, courageously. Some of you are afraid of hurting others with your words, not realizing the truth always sets all of you (involved) free. Always best is speaking up in your highest regard for self. Any other form including apologies as an escape is deception and the lowest form of the use of words.

In some cases apologies are made to reduce (make up for) some sort of innate deficit in character, as Ponder suggests in his post, simply low esteem or worth and this is from childhood, apologizing for who you are, now as an adult in many cases you are still not good enough and this is expressed by apologetic words/actions.

Please focus on resolving or healing any inner issues and immediately you will know what to do or say once the false ideas about who you are - are gone.

Next time you want to apologize when you feel differently try and rephrase your mental projection of speech and words to accurately reflect your truth.

[Zena]

I'm like this, too. I apologize all the time, even when I haven't really done anything wrong. It is primarily done to avoid conflict and confrontation. I'm timid and I don't want people to be angry with me. I'll say sorry before you even have a chance to think about being mad. I also believe I'm considerate to a fault.

[Frank64]

Hello!! thanks

[dwizzite]

Remove the word "sorry" from your vocabulary until you truly mean it. I used to tell my hypnotherapy clients the same thing. When you are about to say "I'm sorry", catch yourself and shut up. Stop making excuses for saying sorry and commit NOW, to stopping it.

[StaceyGirl88]

Haha! I don't mean to laugh and I'm not laughing at you, but this just hit home for me waaaay to much! I constantly say "sorry" and I hate it too! The other day this person was blocking the steps leading to my apartment. She knew I was going upstairs, but didn't move. I said, "sorry I need to scoot by you really quick" She said, "that's OK!" LOL

When I reached the door to my apartment I laughed to myself at how backwards that conversation was...I also say "thank you" constantly too. However, I usually do this to put an end to a conversation so that I don't have to continue talking. At one of my old jobs the manager and co-workers would all play a game without me knowing it where they would start a conversation with me and then say "thank you" and walk away really fast before I could say anything...haha