How to stop isolating

[superchick22684]

This should probably be posted in the social phobia area but I'm putting it here anyway. I've seen a pretty significant increase in anxiety and depression over the last few months and as a result I'm finding myself avoiding more and more social situations to compensate for it. I'm constantly dodging invitations from people to hang out or I'll say yes and cancel at the last minute.

I've already talked to my therapist about it and he said that I need to gradually work my way back into doing activities with people. I completely agree with that but I'm not quite sure how to start. Avoiding these situations has made my social world shrink to the point that I feel like a complete outsider and that any social activity is going to be so incredibly awkward that I'll just want to run away.

Advice please.

[gypsylee]

Drink lots of alcohol when you go? Just kidding, but that would've been my solution :)

Maybe do something with a couple of friends who you feel most comfortable with.. Do your friends know you have anxiety?

[needtogetwell]

Hi superchick,

Small baby steps. One tiny thing at a time. You are on the right track with the therapist.

How about something like this....go out for coffee or tea with one friend. No more than 30 minutes, or as little as 15 or 20, whatever you can tolerate. Try this maybe 2 times in a week and build from there. Maybe a little longer or add another friend. When you get home write down how you felt. Acknowledge if you felt anxious, but also write down what was good, the coffee, the conversation, whatever. Try to do this exercise after each time you venture from your home, re-read what you have written before. Soon you will realize that the good stuff far outweighs the not great stuff.

Good luck
Cheers

[superchick22684]

Drink lots of alcohol when you go? Just kidding, but that would've been my solution :)

Maybe do something with a couple of friends who you feel most comfortable with.. Do your friends know you have anxiety?

Drink lots of alcohol would work if I wasn't on meds lol :) I haven't really told many people that I have anxiety, though I'm sure there are a few that have picked up on it by now. I wouldn't even know where to start on actually telling people. I have a few friends that I do table top gaming with that I've backed out on our plans more than once. In the end backing out on social events and feeling guilty about it is almost worse than the anxiety that I'm experiencing.

My therapist pretty much hit the nail on the head when he told me that I'm rewarding the behavior by avoiding situations which has led me down the path to where I am now. If I don't try and reverse this now its only going to be harder to do so in the future.

Needtogetwell- Baby steps is exactly the way I like to approach things, I constantly have to keep telling myself to be patient with my anxiety because part of me wants it to be an easy fix. I also plan to implement writing down how I feel about situations. I've been thinking about taking up journaling again so that I can start processing more of my thoughts and feelings so that will give me a good place to start. :)

[sae]

I am in the process of rejoining the world and it's tough some days. I built myself a tiny existence, walled away from the world and found great comfort there. My world, however, always seemed too big. It started by distancing myself from friends, progressed to going out less, suddenly I found myself hiding in the bathtub when a knock came at the door and keeping my curtain edges tacked to the wall.
No amount of hiding seemed to be enough to ease my fear of the life outside my front door. About a year and a half ago I made the decision to expand my world again. I started by just walking a few blocks alone at night (not exactly the safest thing but with headphones in I found it comfortable in no time.) It graduated to sitting in front of the grocery store and watching the midnight weirdos come and go. Then I started talking to a woman that works at the store and made a friend.
Then I decided to go to a small gaming party. I hadn't nerded out in quite some time. It was scary meeting new people, even scarier reconnecting with old friends, rehashing my mysterious disappearance over the last few years. I left the party feeling a strange mixture of nausea, satisfaction, emotional exhaustion... and a card with a number scrawled on the back.
I avoided answering my phone, went back into hiding for the next 2 months. The party had been so much fun, but so emotionally taxing. After the old friends stopped trying to call only one number persisted. That person has since become the light in my everyday.
We started taking my night time walks together, grocery shopping during daylight hours, wandering the mall and dining. No matter how reclusive I felt, or how hard I resisted going out he always showed up at precisely 9:15 every Sunday morning for church.
We do not go inside the sanctuary, but instead sit at a table in the lobby watching the message from a tv screen. He is also afraid of crowds, and finds loud noises triggering. By the time he went away to work offshore I was committed to going to church on my own.
Since then I have untacked my windows, started my own game night twice a month from my own home, I go to church whether his schedule allows him to join me or not. It's slow, but steady. I am by no means a socialite. I can go several days without going anywhere, but I no longer feel sick or panicked outside my door.
The world is waiting for you. No amount of comfort you derive from staying locked away can ever compare to the joy of exploring the outside world. It might suck at first, be exhausting, but know this: you are awesome enough to share what you are all about with as many people as you want, be it many or just one, or even just with yourself.

[Pumpkin]

Hi superchick,

I can 100% relate with your post. I'm always rejecting plans or cancelling at the last minute. I feel so crappy about myself all the time and it's hard to face my friends/extended family sometimes. I gained a little bit of weight and on top of that I always feel ugly about myself. I feel annoying most of the time and sometimes I feel like nobody likes me so pushing myself to go out is like pulling teeth.

I'm sorry you are struggling with the same thing because I know how awful it can feel. Isolating yourself is never good and once you make a habit out of it, trying to break the habit is very difficult.

My friends like to go to clubs and do things where they want to dress up. Since I always feel fat/ugly I NEVER want to go. I'd much rather do things that require casual clothing in a comfortable setting with less people. I think you should try to organize plans with your friends/family doing things that you enjoy. This way, it will be much more likely you don't cancel at the last minute, especially if they're plans you enjoy.

Best of luck :D