Social Phobia & Mind Block

[Rebekah Arrigo]

I’ve dealt with severe social anxiety all my life! I feel like when put into a social situation with others where I’m anxious, my body decides to not work properly. My mind either goes blank, or I know what I want to say I just feel physically stuck by fear to where I can’t seem to get the words out and if I do, it comes out in a mere whisper too quiet for even me to hear sometimes. I feel like I can relate to others who stutter so much, because in a way my social anxiety is like a stutter in the brain, where I get stuck on the sentence, unable to get it out because of fear. It’s bad enough to where it’s even affecting me at my simple job, at McDonald’s. I’ve developed a bad coping skill, where I am usually extremely quiet, almost mute, in social situations. This happens to me everywhere, school, work, the only place it doesn’t happen to me at is when I’m at home. This bad coping skill only makes it even worse, and even more challenging to try and break the nasty cycle of fear and me not talking, because it has become a habit. A very bad, hard to break habit. It doesn't help that this learned helplessness coping mechanism, lead me to not have as much experience in social situations growing up, leading me to where I am probably deficit in some of my social skills, or have poor social skills. I was just wondering if I was the only one out there in the world who feels like this, or if anyone else can relate?!

[Im-Suffering]

Yes, I was criticized to the point of abuse, mental, as a child. Your symptoms coincide with the fear of criticism. I will post the symptoms of this silent 'killer' in hope that something will 'click' in you or any reader, so you can learn, edify and grow. By reflecting and recounting your own past, not to brood over it, but to clear, heal, and release any trauma.

The effects are widespread, including your 'simple job' and timidity - epilepsy physically speaking is a symptom of this fear. In lesser form speech is inhibited psychologically.


SYMPTOMS OF THE FEAR OF CRITICISM

This fear is almost as universal as the fear of poverty, and its effects are just as fatal to personal achievement, mainly because this fear destroys initiative, and discourages the use of imagination.

The major symptoms of the fear are:

SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS. Generally expressed through nervousness, timidity in conversation and in meeting strangers, awkward movement of the hands and limbs, shifting of the eyes.

LACK OF POISE. Expressed through lack of voice control, nervousness in the presence of others, poor posture of body, poor memory.

PERSONALITY. Lacking in firmness of decision, personal charm, and ability to express opinions definitely. The habit of side-stepping issues instead of meeting them squarely. Agreeing with others without careful examination of their opinions.

INFERIORITY COMPLEX. The habit of expressing self-approval by word of mouth and by actions, as a means of covering up a feeling of inferiority. Using "big words" to impress others, (often without knowing the real meaning of the words). Imitating others in dress, speech and manners. Boasting of imaginary achievements. This sometimes gives a surface appearance of a feeling of superiority.

EXTRAVAGANCE. The habit of trying to "keep up with the Joneses," spending beyond one's income.

LACK OF INITIATIVE. Failure to embrace opportunities for self-advancement, fear to express opinions, lack of confidence in one's own ideas, giving evasive answers to questions asked by superiors, hesitancy of manner and speech, deceit in both words and deeds.

LACK OF AMBITION. Mental and physical laziness, lack of self-assertion, slowness in reaching decisions, easily influenced by others, the habit of criticising others behind their backs and flattering them to their faces, the habit of accepting defeat without protest, quitting an undertaking when opposed by others, suspicious of other people without cause, lacking in tactfulness of manner and speech, unwillingness to accept the blame for mistakes

[petbunari]

Hi Im-Suffering,

I identify with all the SYMPTOMS OF THE FEAR OF CRITICISM, except one (EXTRAVAGANCE). I think I've known I have always had these core negative beliefs, but I never confronted them head-on in a realistic way before, despite all the therapy and meds I've consumed over the years.

Now I feel that I'm in crisis, and I'm trying desperately to solve all my immediate issues at once. Thinking about all these fears, I feel weighed down by the past and I feel an impending trauma or traumas of realization coming on.

As you say, something did 'click' in me when I read the SYMPTOMS OF THE FEAR OF CRITICISM. I hope I can 'learn, edify and grow,' as you said. I hope not to brood over my past but reflect upon it, as you said. It just occurred to me, though, that one of my biggest fears is the fear of releasing pent-up trauma that I know for sure exists within me. I fear the potential of an overwhelming amount of trauma coming out, and I don't know if I can handle that inevitable release.

Thank you for your posted comment here and for the few other recent ones I've read by you on other threads.

[Ponder]

Hi petbunari,
"I'm suffering" gives an awesome reply there. I got much out of that for myself. I can't really offer much other than say what little came to my mind.

Whilst something in me want's to say what a great grip you have on things, I am more encouraged at how gentle it seems to be. Keep going with that, be kind to yourself. Let come what may. Sometimes in order to regain control, we need to release our grip in order to find it. Strength is not always as it seems.

Keep searching, reaching, posting. I know life can hurt, believe me when I say, there is something in your words that makes me feel your going to come through this ... that whatever is on the other end; your going to be OK. I have struggled and still do with much of what you say. I sense genuine compassion in you. It is not so easy to come by.

Yes, I can relate. We are beautiful people and have much to offer.

Remember, a loose grip is better than a tight one. : - )

[petbunari]

Thank you Ponder!

It's been an emotional past week, but I feel like I've received a great and bountiful gift during these recent days because of some wonderful people who came into my life not too long ago, and because of three old friend who are more dear to me than I had previously thought.

In my heart, gut and mind I just sensed a deep trust for these individuals, reached out to them and shared my pain with them. They listened and expressed empathy for me. Some told me they had experienced similar dark periods filled with wrenching anxiety in their own lives. It helped me to hear their kind words and soothing voices.

Despite all the therapy sessions I have had in my life, I believe this was the first time in all my years that I revealed what I had previously convinced myself were dark unspeakable secrets about myself. It felt like a good friend had just come along by surprise to help me carry a heavy burden. I think that I'm still carrying most of that large load all by myself, but I also think I'm starting to realize that's it's too heavy a weight to bear on my own.

It took me a very, very long time to find these few fine people. It also helps me to know there are such people on this very forum (like Ponder and many others) who listen to and empathize with people in pain. I wish everyone well on their quest to find those good and trusted few of their very own.

[JitteryJohnnie]

To this day there are times when I don't feel like the words come as fluidly as they should. One thing I've found that helps is to make the conscious effort to pause before I speak. I still stumble over my words from time to time, but I find when I'm diligent in thinking before I speak, I sound more coherent. I also know that part of what I suffer with is fear of criticism by people in authority. Haven't solved that one yet, but it's a hair easier than it used to be. Good luck!

[Ponder]

Try working on the FEAR factor ... Unsubscribe from the RULES ... Follow only the ones that matter like Road Rules so you don't end up dead. See people enlisted in uniform as no more than Public Servants. That one really helps. Feel srry for them. They are just as much a puppet as anyone else. Disassociate from main stream thinking ... it propagates fear.

Find time for yourself - try to survive on less. Become more independent content with what you have and forget what you cannot afford. Do the best you can to help yourself.

I lose word and have mind blocks more and more. I accept it and keep challenging myself. If you really want to polish your message, write more than talk. Find methods that help you get comfortable with doing what it is that you would like to do.

I'd rather make friends with an honest guy that stutters than a smug one that speaks fluently.


The trouble with those who speak from a position of service, is they often just talk down. I get the difficulty or how speaking gets muddled and or gets worse with how we feel. Anyone who runs out of breath will suffer some form of incoherence - Those who have more control can afford to be more cocky ... some people are just plain cruel and pick on the weak.

Learn to talk with your body - that usually says a lot more. If I want to communicate effectively when I know I am struggling (Tired, frustrated and or confused) I try to think about my tone. I might even force a smile and remind myself what and why - planning ahead helps.

That's some of my tips - I struggle everyday with it ... I have good days and bad days ... there is no shame in it either way. It does not even have to mean that you are scared. many times I am far from scared ... I am just plain tired of participating. Might be a case of lack of O2 - bad sleeping, blocked nose and on and on. Information Overload is another valid one ... Look at how much info we take in these days. Take a break.

[Ponder]

Hey petbunari - I missed you post there and was reading jittery. Love the name jittery! :)

I'm feeling tired (sometimes get a bit negative when tired) but wanted to say after reading your post there, I was feeling encouraged. I'm genuinely pleased for you and think you have a good outlook expressed in your posts. You have good tone. It's not always easy to keep in the one state, which makes it all the more refreshing to read you experiences there. Thanks for sharing that like so. Much appreciated.

I think sharing is good. It really can be a problem when feeling at a loss when it comes to finding friends or simply just socializing to express lightly ... let alone find those who don't mind sharing the more complicated stuff.

Your welcome to pop into my thread that I pretty much keep open here in the social phobia section. There are a few of us regulars in that one. We don't all walk the same path, but we do enjoy sharing regardless and are always finding similarity to keep us in sync. Not a prerequisite though - we don't mind making space for anyone that just wants to chime on in.

At any rate - your post there was real encouraging. Thank You very much.

You can call me Dave or whatever you like. :)