Trouble making eye contact

[Rob625]

I've noticed for a while now and maybe even as long as I've been sober that I can't usually make eye contact with most people. Even close family and friends. When having a conversation with someone, usually when im talking, I look away and am uncomfortable. Im aware of it while im doing it and will then try making eye contact. But its very brief then I have to look away again. Is this part of my social anxiety issues?? When im talking I know they are looking at me and im uncomfortable. I have to force myself to look at them. Not usually with my wife but everyone else.

[mrslizzyg]

I do the same thing you do. I always have. I have this weird fear for some reason that if I look people in the eyes, they can read too much about me... I don't like that. There are only a few people I look in the eye when I talk to- and its rare then too. My husband still points out sometimes that I don't like to hold eye contact...

I'm not totally sure if it is a social anxiety thing or not though... Like I said, I feel like my eyes tell too much about myself, and I don't want to hold that gaze... Sounds kind of lame when I type it out but, hey.. it's the truth.

Sorry I don't have much more advice.. just letting you know you aren't alone. :)

[sae]

I've noticed for a while now and maybe even as long as I've been sober that I can't usually make eye contact with most people. Even close family and friends. When having a conversation with someone, usually when im talking, I look away and am uncomfortable. Im aware of it while im doing it and will then try making eye contact. But its very brief then I have to look away again. Is this part of my social anxiety issues?? When im talking I know they are looking at me and im uncomfortable. I have to force myself to look at them. Not usually with my wife but everyone else.

This... all of it.

I have done this since day one. I grew up looking at my shoes. When I was harassed about always looking down I started looking up at the ceiling. I discovered ceiling tiles, patterns, things that translate in my crazy brain into mathematic algorithms I can work in my head and see as a distraction to my discomfort. You'd be surprised the things the average person misses hanging out in a ceiling, but I digress.

In the world of sae, making eye contact is much like opening the door of the chicken coop for the fox. I don't dig vulnerability.
I have found when I am engaged in conversation and eye contact is needed I can look at a person's nose, fake eye contact.

[destructogirl]

yes! i notice myself doing this alot. i try to force myself to make eye contact and i never know how long to hold it and usually look away. the only person i don't think about it with is my husband. i've always had a bit (sometimes a lot) of social anxiety. i now refer to it as social awkwardness. haha.

[Rob625]

yes! i notice myself doing this alot. i try to force myself to make eye contact and i never know how long to hold it and usually look away. the only person i don't think about it with is my husband. i've always had a bit (sometimes a lot) of social anxiety. i now refer to it as social awkwardness. haha.

Social awkwardness. ..thats exactly what it is. Funny thing is I don't believe myself awkward but I feel awkward. Or people make me feel awkward. Not sure if that makes sense?

[Rob625]

I do the same thing you do. I always have. I have this weird fear for some reason that if I look people in the eyes, they can read too much about me... I don't like that. There are only a few people I look in the eye when I talk to- and its rare then too. My husband still points out sometimes that I don't like to hold eye contact...

I'm not totally sure if it is a social anxiety thing or not though... Like I said, I feel like my eyes tell too much about myself, and I don't want to hold that gaze... Sounds kind of lame when I type it out but, hey.. it's the truth.

Sorry I don't have much more advice.. just letting you know you aren't alone. :)

Completely relate to what you said as well. I thought maybe I couldn't look people in the eye because im a recovered alcoholic and felt guilty. But it happens with people who dont know about the alcoholism or weren't effected by it. But yes if I hold the gaze of someone else its like they can see into my feelings and thoughts.

[destructogirl]

Social awkwardness. ..thats exactly what it is. Funny thing is I don't believe myself awkward but I feel awkward. Or people make me feel awkward. Not sure if that makes sense?

i think i know what you mean. when i'm alone i don't feel like i'm awkward, but being around people makes me awkward. i think because i think about every little thing too much, like the eye contact thing, how i'm standing, what i'm doing with my hands, etc.

[jessed03]

I'd have trouble making eye contact with people too if I was a Cubs fan. :)

Joking aside, have you ever suffered from social anxiety? It's one of those things that can rear it's ugly head when you're anxious or feeling low.

[Rob625]

Yes I've got issues with social anxiety. They've gotten worse since I quit drinking. I had more general anxiety and panic when I was a practicing alcoholic. The social anxiety is worse without the booze.
Cubs are getting better ! I'll forgive that comment as long as you're not a Sox fan. Thank God for the blackhawks!

[Im-Suffering]

Only 7% of communication is verbal. So recapitulate your last few exchanges and think about what you were really saying.

Write them down in a journal. Get to know yourself and the answers will come from within.

I have already said in a different thread, that what you feel inside is a repeat of how you were made to feel in childhood (onwards). You then started believing falsehoods about who you are based on the big people's ideas, conditioning and treatment.

Thus you feel awkward, even as you say consciously 'I am not' to self. These internal conflicts have led to the drinking and vice. However you don't drown out the voices, you eliminate them for good by an epiphany that you aren't who you believed yourself to be. (Low esteem or worth).