franklyput
05-31-2015, 06:15 PM
I am new here. Reading a lot of these posts, I have a similar story. My husband died in an accident and I spent the next 2 years in shock, a daze, and panic attacks. Before my husband died I was having some digestive issues, but then after he died they got progressively worse - they finally took my gallbladder out and said, "You will be better." And I was better, for about 3 months. Then I started having back pain on my left side and all sorts of NEW digestive issues. This made me fearful, and my anxiety makes it worse. I guess I am now a hypochondriac? I am worried I am sick, and no one is telling me I am not, so it isn't helping (I did have a CT scan before my GB removal and everything looked fine but that was 6 months ago - I can't believe my anxiety is causing these problems, but maybe it is?).
I also have a devastating fear of foodborne illness. My kids hate my cooking because I overcook everything and I run around with a meat thermometer constantly. It is so bad that I have given up cooking chicken now (I once snatched the chicken I cooked from my kids' plates and threw it down the garbage disposal - scared them, but then I made spaghetti). I only buy organic and I spend a ton of money on vinegar to wash my produce madly and I throw away anything that has been in the fridge a week. I am not a health nut, but I worry that the pesticides will make my kids sick or give me cancer and orphan them. I make them take probiotics, spirulina, lemon water ... they think it is normal until they go to friend's houses and then they ask why (but they have never, EVER, been sick from school and they are 13 and 9). I freak out they will get Listeria, E. Coli, Samonella ... I wash my hands 100 times a day. And I STILL have terrible digestive issues even though we eat all this REALLY GOOD food. I have taken up drinking green smoothies as it is supposed to help, but, honestly, I feel worse.
My GP wants me to take Lexapro (she thinks my GI symptoms are anxiety related, but she is sending me to the GI doc anyway), but I am afraid taking meds will damage my liver and make me sick. Or worse anxiety. I have Klonopin ... I only take it when I am having a severe panic attack. My son is old enough to know something is wrong with me (he is 13) and I see him becoming distrustful of medications because of my anxiety. I only take .25 even if it is really bad because I worry I will get addicted.
I want to go to therapy, but both my kids are in therapy after their dad died and I can't afford it for myself.
Anyway, I feel stupid but I have no where else to go and I am scared all the time.
I also have a devastating fear of foodborne illness. My kids hate my cooking because I overcook everything and I run around with a meat thermometer constantly. It is so bad that I have given up cooking chicken now (I once snatched the chicken I cooked from my kids' plates and threw it down the garbage disposal - scared them, but then I made spaghetti). I only buy organic and I spend a ton of money on vinegar to wash my produce madly and I throw away anything that has been in the fridge a week. I am not a health nut, but I worry that the pesticides will make my kids sick or give me cancer and orphan them. I make them take probiotics, spirulina, lemon water ... they think it is normal until they go to friend's houses and then they ask why (but they have never, EVER, been sick from school and they are 13 and 9). I freak out they will get Listeria, E. Coli, Samonella ... I wash my hands 100 times a day. And I STILL have terrible digestive issues even though we eat all this REALLY GOOD food. I have taken up drinking green smoothies as it is supposed to help, but, honestly, I feel worse.
My GP wants me to take Lexapro (she thinks my GI symptoms are anxiety related, but she is sending me to the GI doc anyway), but I am afraid taking meds will damage my liver and make me sick. Or worse anxiety. I have Klonopin ... I only take it when I am having a severe panic attack. My son is old enough to know something is wrong with me (he is 13) and I see him becoming distrustful of medications because of my anxiety. I only take .25 even if it is really bad because I worry I will get addicted.
I want to go to therapy, but both my kids are in therapy after their dad died and I can't afford it for myself.
Anyway, I feel stupid but I have no where else to go and I am scared all the time.