edgy75
05-27-2015, 08:53 AM
I'm a 40 y/o male. I've had GAD all of my life, but between going through a divorce, some serious financial issues, issues at work, I hit a brick wall. I was pulled off my safety-sensitive job to be seen by a doctor where I opened up about my panic issues which had gotten continually worse. I'm lucky to have plenty of leave time, but I tend to worry if I'll ever get better. It wasn't too long ago that I'd be wide awake for days on end worried that I was going crazy. Because there was an incident that prompted the visit to the doctor, I was in complete fear that I was going to be fired. Because it involved a drug test, I was convinced that I was on drugs and recklessly cause the incident.
I go back in for a follow-up on Friday, hoping to be cleared to go back to work. There's only so much healing that can be done sitting idle at home. I try to stay active, but worrying about my anxiety has been my default state. I was even offered a second job and I'm beating myself up for not being able to take it - I need to get right again for my first job. Even though a lot of my anxiety was from fear of going completely broke from not having a second job. I'm still trying to forgive myself for letting my anxiety get this far out of control.
I've been lonely too. Part of what set me off was moving back into my house after a 2 year divorce process. The house was left looking like a foreclosure. The stuff she was supposed to leave for me was taken, which comprised of the lion's share of my worldly possessions. I was completely devastated. Everyone had a life and even friends and family need their space after a while.
I'm also trying to realize that I didn't get fired and my last major meltdown ended up with me not even getting in trouble. I'm trying to let the second job slide because I need to focus on my healing and take one step at a time. I can always re-apply, and it shouldn't be the only second job offer I ever get. I do have a new roommate moving in this weekend. She is my age and is in a similar life-stage, even suffers from anxiety too. We've really been hitting it off. I look forward to not being in this big empty house all by myself any more.
I just need some reassurance, I guess.
I go back in for a follow-up on Friday, hoping to be cleared to go back to work. There's only so much healing that can be done sitting idle at home. I try to stay active, but worrying about my anxiety has been my default state. I was even offered a second job and I'm beating myself up for not being able to take it - I need to get right again for my first job. Even though a lot of my anxiety was from fear of going completely broke from not having a second job. I'm still trying to forgive myself for letting my anxiety get this far out of control.
I've been lonely too. Part of what set me off was moving back into my house after a 2 year divorce process. The house was left looking like a foreclosure. The stuff she was supposed to leave for me was taken, which comprised of the lion's share of my worldly possessions. I was completely devastated. Everyone had a life and even friends and family need their space after a while.
I'm also trying to realize that I didn't get fired and my last major meltdown ended up with me not even getting in trouble. I'm trying to let the second job slide because I need to focus on my healing and take one step at a time. I can always re-apply, and it shouldn't be the only second job offer I ever get. I do have a new roommate moving in this weekend. She is my age and is in a similar life-stage, even suffers from anxiety too. We've really been hitting it off. I look forward to not being in this big empty house all by myself any more.
I just need some reassurance, I guess.