Is this the end of me? What do I do?

[dixoadam]

Ok so basically in the last 2 years I lost my mother to alcohol abuse and liver failure and I lost my girlfriend of 6 years who I thought I would be with forever. I have had a hard time dealing with my girlfriend leaving because I depended on her too much due to my GAD. Last week I lost my job but I didn't really like the job anyway. Only problem now is that I feel my life is over. I am turning 26 this week and I feel like I am running out of time. I have no job and no girlfriend and I am so scared about what will happen. I live at home with my dad after my gf left and we got rid of our apartment. I feel like a complete dead beat who now has no job and has to depend on my dad to help. I have car payments and my dad pays for my insurance because I got in an accident and my payments are too high. I love my father and appreciate everything he does for me but I can't stop
Thinking that I should be able to do it all myself at my age. Is my life over? Do I just end it? I really get down on myself and those dark thoughts make me feel like it's the only way to go. I don't want to feel like this no more. I don't know what I want to do with my life and the anxiety is just so severe now. If anyone is in the same boat and have gotten better please let me know. I don't want to give up but those feeling is so bad. I'm scared for my life and don't know what to do. I hope my life gets better.

[dixoadam]

anyone? I really appreciate any help.

[gypsylee]

Hi there and welcome :)

No, your life isn't over! This is just anxiety and depression talking. You're only 26 and even though bad stuff has happened, you can still have a good life. I've had one tragedy after another lately but hey life keeps going. Your's will get better, just hang in there for now.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[dixoadam]

Hi there and welcome :)

No, your life isn't over! This is just anxiety and depression talking. You're only 26 and even though bad stuff has happened, you can still have a good life. I've had one tragedy after another lately but hey life keeps going. Your's will get better, just hang in there for now.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

I hope so I try to stay positive but I feel like I am running out of strength and energy to move on.

[gypsylee]

I hope so I try to stay positive but I feel like I am running out of strength and energy to move on.

I have to get going but I'll try and write more later.

Just hang in there for now :)

[Kuma]

You would be surprised how resilient and strong you can be. You heave dealt with some though stuff. But then again think of people who survived concentration camps or torture or kidnappings. And even then, their life was not over. They found the strength within themselves to persevere. And many of them went on to accomplish great things. You have that strength too. Set some goals, work really hard to achieve them, and make sure to express gratitude to anyone who helps you along the way.

[Im-Suffering]

Nice post ^.

[sae]

Ok so basically in the last 2 years I lost my mother to alcohol abuse and liver failure and I lost my girlfriend of 6 years who I thought I would be with forever. I have had a hard time dealing with my girlfriend leaving because I depended on her too much due to my GAD. Last week I lost my job but I didn't really like the job anyway. Only problem now is that I feel my life is over. I am turning 26 this week and I feel like I am running out of time. I have no job and no girlfriend and I am so scared about what will happen. I live at home with my dad after my gf left and we got rid of our apartment. I feel like a complete dead beat who now has no job and has to depend on my dad to help. I have car payments and my dad pays for my insurance because I got in an accident and my payments are too high. I love my father and appreciate everything he does for me but I can't stop
Thinking that I should be able to do it all myself at my age. Is my life over? Do I just end it? I really get down on myself and those dark thoughts make me feel like it's the only way to go. I don't want to feel like this no more. I don't know what I want to do with my life and the anxiety is just so severe now. If anyone is in the same boat and have gotten better please let me know. I don't want to give up but those feeling is so bad. I'm scared for my life and don't know what to do. I hope my life gets better.


Oh it definitely gets better, better than you could ever imagine, but not all at once. It's much like taking SSRI'S where you don't really think it's better until you do a then and now comparison.
Tragedy will put even the strongest of people in a funk. I am still slowly digging my way out of one too. I started it much like you did. My husband died, his family took everything from the house, furniture, vehicles, appliances, personal belongings, all of it. The guy we were buying the house from decided to not allow me to continue paying for the house. I was alone after 10 years of marriage, with a kid, no home, no real money to speak of, pos car, a bag of clothes and a metal box of paperwork that reminded me of the life I once had.
Believe me, I had many of those "well, this is it, I'm so done " moments. I spent countless hours lying on the carpet of my first tiny apartment, watching the ceiling fan as my only real form of entertainment, or sleeping on a blanket stretched over an air mattress I shared with my kid thinking of everything that was wrong.
I didn't really have the aha epiphany moment where I realize this was all for the best, but a gradual understanding that nothing in life is so permanent as death. How you feel right now, the sadness and fear, will change. So will you. Tragedy strengthens people and also teaches patience. It teaches you how to appreciate things so you don't find yourself once again pining for days gone by.
It's a hard road. It's been 3 1/2 years almost and I still find myself referring to my house in my old life as home. I wake some days wishing I would just wake up back in my old bed again to obnoxious snoring and msnbc blaring in the distance.
You learn to find the silver linings also. I may not have my own home (or be one my way to owning my own home) or have any real 'semblance of financial stability yet but in alot of ways my life now is better. I have my sense of freedom, I am well loved, and best of all I have both the wisdom from experiences and the hope it will continue to get better.
You will see this one day too, and it will sneak up on you. You've already proven to me you're strong, well because you're still here to write this post.

[Im-Suffering]

I am well loved, and best of all I have both the wisdom from experiences and the hope it will continue to get better.

Action. The physical is action orientated. Use the body to express yourself through movement toward a desire.

A decision backed by intent paves the way mentally parting the seas for the physical.

Win or lose, its up to you.

[PanicCured]

26 is extremely young and the last thing you should think is if it is over. Your thoughts you are expressing signify you need immediate professional help! Please get some NOW! You have so much to live for and so many years ahead of you, but healing take stime and making a great life for yourself takes time. Enjoy the process.

Please trust me on this: YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW TO HELP YOU GET BETTER! Call this number NOW. Not tomorrow or in a week or in 5 hours, NOW:

1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week

If you are not in the US, Google "Suicide Prevention Hotline and call in your local area. Tell them how you feel as they are trained to help this, and then use them to help get you the professional help you need.There are people with years of experience and education to help you with these feelings of desperation. Find a specialist who deals with suicidal thoughts and depression. Work through it so you can have a great life! I can tell you with 100% certainty, that 26 is so young! Please call that number now!

Making good money, getting a great girlfriend, etc., takes work in life and takes time, you need to enjoy the journey not obsess on the destination. NEVER GIVE UP!

[gypsylee]

Some good advice here. Not sure if I agree you need to call suicide prevention right this second, but not a bad idea to talk to someone :)

[kenreezy]

If you really love your dad as much as you say you do, think about how losing a son would affect him. You have decades ahead of you, how do you know you're not close to turning your life around?

[Mr Jingles]

I hope so I try to stay positive but I feel like I am running out of strength and energy to move on.

I've felt this also. It passed. Anxiety is still difficult for me, but being out of that bottom, most days it feels doable and I plan to graduate from it.

[dixoadam]

I appreciate the help. I had a melt down this morning and my dad lost it on me probably because he has no idea what to do and that he can't stand me this way. I am going to go see someone today, I really hope this gets better. I just feel like I am stuck in this rut. How am I supposed to go get a job and move forward with absolutely no motivation. Once I start thinking about working I get the anxiety again and again. If this turns around I think it would be short of a miracle. I know I need to get going but its really hard in the position I am in. My dad will say stuff like you are 25 you need to take responsibility for your life and that hurts so much because it makes me feel like I haven't. I did live on my own with my girlfriend and my dog and even tho it was so great I still had anxiety and took it out on her and that's why she left. I really wish I got help back when I was with her because maybe I would still be with her. I don't want to be a millionaire and I don't really have much ambitions or goals and I honestly don't even know what I want to do but I now realise that my life with her in our apartment was far from bad because now I am at the bottom and I see her happy on face book (which I am happy she is happy) I just wish she was happy with me. Oh well that is in the past I guess right?

[jessed03]

You know what, I said the exact same thing as you did at one point. I'd be very surprised if others on here hadn't too. The thing about mental illness is that it affects your mind, the most fragile part of you. It convinces you to believe negative things about yourself, or it darkens your view of the world. But those things aren't objective judgements being made by a calm mind, they're symptoms of the illness that you have.

Relationships can hit you hard. They're up there with family problems and money worries when it comes to making you feel bad. Sure, they're great when they're going well, but when they aren't, they can take you down like a hook from Tyson.

Hope isn't going to get you better, I'm afraid. If all you do is hope then you'll watch yourself slowly growing old in a very similar position to now. Action is the remedy to being in a rut and to having low motivation. But what action you take depends entirely on you. Right now, I say take any action. Spend the next month dedicating a few hours a day to learning a skill. You can learn something related to mental illness, like meditation or cognitive therapy. You can learn something that you want to do more as a hobby, like guitar playing or programming, or you can learn something that will benefit your career. Maybe you can take an online course, or improve your writing - anything like that. It really is up to you. Whatever sparks your interest somewhat will be fine.

You just need to dedicate some time to learning, to self improvement. You need to make it clear to your subconscious that you're going to INVEST in yourself and your life. At least for a little while. It's a powerful little motherf*cker, so getting it on your side is important. So write whatever you're going to do down on some paper. Forget the past (at least temporarily) and start looking forwards. Just for now. Just for this month.

Once you've decided what you're going to do, you need to decide how much time you're going to dedicate to it. Three hours per day is a good number. That'll mean in a month you've practised something for around 100 hours, which is enough time to get pretty competent at something. You can do more if you want to, but understand your mind probably isn't in its best shape right now.

So now the important part: ACTION. This is what will turn your life on its head, make you feel better, give you more confidence and renew your appetite for life. Brain scans have shown that when you have depression, thinking about taking action actually stimulates the area of your brain that feels pain. That's why we procrastinate and get in to ruts, because action actually causes us a form of PAIN.

But that's ok, because you're going to retrain your brain. You're going to use the Pomodoro Technique to get the best out of yourself. This technique is simple. You set a timer for 25 minutes, and for the whole 25 minutes, you study, you practice, you read, you write - you do whatever you need to do. Then, regardless of where you are after that 25 minutes, you rest. You do something fun. You eat chocolate, have some juice, play a quick game of madden. You relax for 5-10 minutes.

By doing this, your brain becomes more accustomed to working; it starts to realise that progressing at something is ENJOYABLE, rather than painful. This is the opposite state to depression.

You can do a set of 4 pomodoros if you want to, then take a long break. Come back and do some more later. Learning this way really doesn't feel overwhelming.

After the month is over, you'll feel different. The changes will be subtle, but depression will have started to evaporate, and that's what's important. Your serotonin and dopamine levels will have improved, as you'll be doing you'll be doing what nature wants you to do: you'll be evolving.

What I learned when I was in your position was to sell something. I learned all about sales. Why not, right? After my month was over, I was actually pretty good at selling most stuff. I learned the theory, and I'd spent time writing sales scripts, stuff like that. I ended up continuing on with this after the month was up, and got a job in this field. Doing this created some major changes in my life.

The great thing about getting out of a rut this way is that it's easy to do, and you can do it in bite sized amounts. Ruts feel hard to break because there's SO much to do. Just break it down. No huge life changes to make, or anything like that.

Give this a try. Spend one month investing in yourself and focusing only on what you have control over. Learn something that seems pretty cool to you. Something that you'll have some use for. After that, hey, you can do what you want. But try this. Seriously.

[whiterose]

Do not worry about getting a job right now. The focus should be on getting YOU better. If you live in the US and have health insurance You may be able to get mental health care (a therapist, etc) for a reduced cost. If not some health insurances reimburse you a certain percentage back of your out of pocket costs for a therapist. Also, some people don't understand anxiety. Its not a bad thing but annoying for us who suffer from it. I would suggest (and have done) is joint family counseling. Another suggestion is to offer to help your dad around the house with chores, like mowing the lawn or something for the time being. You will get through this, it may look and feel hard but anxiety does that to us. You can survive anxiety and/or depression. I am in treatment for both and even though its for the long haul (each person is different) i have pulled through major depression and panic attacks. Take each day individually, don't dwell on yesterday or tomorrow. Just try to get through today, one day at a time. Life will get better. You are young, i was about the same age as you are when anxiety and depression showed up in my life. Now I'm married, have pets, and live one day at a time. I am so happy to read that you are getting help. Good luck and remember we are here for you. Take care of yourself and live one day at a time

[dixoadam]

You know what, I said the exact same thing as you did at one point. I'd be very surprised if others on here hadn't too. The thing about mental illness is that it affects your mind, the most fragile part of you. It convinces you to believe negative things about yourself, or it darkens your view of the world. But those things aren't objective judgements being made by a calm mind, they're symptoms of the illness that you have.

Relationships can hit you hard. They're up there with family problems and money worries when it comes to making you feel bad. Sure, they're great when they're going well, but when they aren't, they can take you down like a hook from Tyson.

Hope isn't going to get you better, I'm afraid. If all you do is hope then you'll watch yourself slowly growing old in a very similar position to now. Action is the remedy to being in a rut and to having low motivation. But what action you take depends entirely on you. Right now, I say take any action. Spend the next month dedicating a few hours a day to learning a skill. You can learn something related to mental illness, like meditation or cognitive therapy. You can learn something that you want to do more as a hobby, like guitar playing or programming, or you can learn something that will benefit your career. Maybe you can take an online course, or improve your writing - anything like that. It really is up to you. Whatever sparks your interest somewhat will be fine.

You just need to dedicate some time to learning, to self improvement. You need to make it clear to your subconscious that you're going to INVEST in yourself and your life. At least for a little while. It's a powerful little motherf*cker, so getting it on your side is important. So write whatever you're going to do down on some paper. Forget the past (at least temporarily) and start looking forwards. Just for now. Just for this month.

Once you've decided what you're going to do, you need to decide how much time you're going to dedicate to it. Three hours per day is a good number. That'll mean in a month you've practised something for around 100 hours, which is enough time to get pretty competent at something. You can do more if you want to, but understand your mind probably isn't in its best shape right now.

So now the important part: ACTION. This is what will turn your life on its head, make you feel better, give you more confidence and renew your appetite for life. Brain scans have shown that when you have depression, thinking about taking action actually stimulates the area of your brain that feels pain. That's why we procrastinate and get in to ruts, because action actually causes us a form of PAIN.

But that's ok, because you're going to retrain your brain. You're going to use the Pomodoro Technique to get the best out of yourself. This technique is simple. You set a timer for 25 minutes, and for the whole 25 minutes, you study, you practice, you read, you write - you do whatever you need to do. Then, regardless of where you are after that 25 minutes, you rest. You do something fun. You eat chocolate, have some juice, play a quick game of madden. You relax for 5-10 minutes.

By doing this, your brain becomes more accustomed to working; it starts to realise that progressing at something is ENJOYABLE, rather than painful. This is the opposite state to depression.

You can do a set of 4 pomodoros if you want to, then take a long break. Come back and do some more later. Learning this way really doesn't feel overwhelming.

After the month is over, you'll feel different. The changes will be subtle, but depression will have started to evaporate, and that's what's important. Your serotonin and dopamine levels will have improved, as you'll be doing you'll be doing what nature wants you to do: you'll be evolving.

What I learned when I was in your position was to sell something. I learned all about sales. Why not, right? After my month was over, I was actually pretty good at selling most stuff. I learned the theory, and I'd spent time writing sales scripts, stuff like that. I ended up continuing on with this after the month was up, and got a job in this field. Doing this created some major changes in my life.

The great thing about getting out of a rut this way is that it's easy to do, and you can do it in bite sized amounts. Ruts feel hard to break because there's SO much to do. Just break it down. No huge life changes to make, or anything like that.

Give this a try. Spend one month investing in yourself and focusing only on what you have control over. Learn something that seems pretty cool to you. Something that you'll have some use for. After that, hey, you can do what you want. But try this. Seriously.

Honestly I read this and it makes total sense but I have no ide what interests me. I know its me who has to take this step but I have no idea what I want to do. I think of work and getting a job and it just makes it worse. My therapist said to take a break and work on myself. I have read a couple self help books but I honestly can't seem to get positive outlook on something I want to do.

[jessed03]

Honestly I read this and it makes total sense but I have no ide what interests me. I know its me who has to take this step but I have no idea what I want to do. I think of work and getting a job and it just makes it worse. My therapist said to take a break and work on myself. I have read a couple self help books but I honestly can't seem to get positive outlook on something I want to do.

Self help books and "inner work" can be depressing as they require you to think too much. They require you to create this whole direction for yourself, usually at a time when you're the most clueless.

Why not start to learn something, just for a month, that you'll be able to monetize in future? That's always a great place to begin. With the world as it is, having options is essential. Which appeals to you more, art or science? If art, maybe learn the ins and outs of writing. Learn to write sales copy like I did. Learn to write press releases. Learn to write blog posts that people want to read. After a month you'll be able to earn a tonne of extra cash on elance, and places like that. Or perhaps really get into Photoshop or webdesign. Yes, it takes time to master, but after a month or so, you'll have some pretty cool skills and be should be able to earn some cash.

Again, you're only doing this for yourself, not necessarily to reach a greater goal, but if there is a benefit at the end, then great.

If you like science, then programming, code, accounting, psychology, etc. can all be picked up by reading great books and getting your hands a bit dirty.

You're not really trying to change the world here. You're just trying to get your brain back into gear. Everything will happen naturally for you once you're in the right frame of mind. Have some fun with your month. Just do something that you don't hate doing. Once you get pretty good at anything it becomes fun. You'll suddenly get your appetite back, and will have a better idea of what you do and don't want to do.

[dixoadam]

Self help books and "inner work" can be depressing as they require you to think too much. They require you to create this whole direction for yourself, usually at a time when you're the most clueless.

Why not start to learn something, just for a month, that you'll be able to monetize in future? That's always a great place to begin. With the world as it is, having options is essential. Which appeals to you more, art or science? If art, maybe learn the ins and outs of writing. Learn to write sales copy like I did. Learn to write press releases. Learn to write blog posts that people want to read. After a month you'll be able to earn a tonne of extra cash on elance, and places like that. Or perhaps really get into Photoshop or webdesign. Yes, it takes time to master, but after a month or so, you'll have some pretty cool skills and be should be able to earn some cash.

Again, you're only doing this for yourself, not necessarily to reach a greater goal, but if there is a benefit at the end, then great.

If you like science, then programming, code, accounting, psychology, etc. can all be picked up by reading great books and getting your hands a bit dirty.

You're not really trying to change the world here. You're just trying to get your brain back into gear. Everything will happen naturally for you once you're in the right frame of mind. Have some fun with your month. Just do something that you don't hate doing. Once you get pretty good at anything it becomes fun. You'll suddenly get your appetite back, and will have a better idea of what you do and don't want to do.

I read this and I am in full anxiety and it just overwhelms me that I have no interest in that stuff. I like movies and sports but what can I do with that? I think about school or work and it gets me even worse. I haven't started my meds yet so hopefully those help a lot.

[jessed03]

Meds should help, yeah. Don't sweat it. Learning something by choice should be fun. You shouldn't feel under pressure to achieve anything, unlike school or a job!

Keep the idea on ice, and maybe refer back to it when you feel ready to take a bigger step out of your rut. Each of us is on our very own time scale, so do things at your own pace.

Just make sure you're not doing too many dysfunctional things for too long. The devil makes work for idle hands and all that..... Same goes for minds. :)

[PanicCured]

Some good advice here. Not sure if I agree you need to call suicide prevention right this second, but not a bad idea to talk to someone :)


You just had to write that, didn't you? There is a person here asking if he should end his life and I referred him to a great hotline where he can get help and you had to contradict that advice? Maybe it's best if you just ignore me.

OP CALL THE HOTLINE I GAVE YOU AND GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!!! THERE IS SIMPLY NOTHING WRONG WITH CALLING A HOTLINE DESIGNED FOR PEOPLE GOING THROUGH WITH WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH! PLEASE TAKE MY ADVICE!! You came here for advice, so I sent you to the experts! But you need to also see a professional regularly and sort this out. You have too much to live for and you are too young!

[PanicCured]

Honestly I read this and it makes total sense but I have no ide what interests me. I know its me who has to take this step but I have no idea what I want to do. I think of work and getting a job and it just makes it worse. My therapist said to take a break and work on myself. I have read a couple self help books but I honestly can't seem to get positive outlook on something I want to do.

It seems your problems stems from your mental state not from your life. That is why you need professional help and contact people immediately who work with suicidal and depressed people. I gave you a great hotline to call. You are unable to see you are only 26, some people have no career until they are 40 or even later, but you are tripping out barely 26. It is your mental state not your life. I was still in school at 26. If you were given a million dollars maybe you would still be depressed right? See, it is your mind. I net people in 3rd world countries plowing fields with ox and living in mud huts that were happy and smiling. Then you have rich famous people with everything that are depressed. It is your mental state to work on.
But in this life, to have a good life in the physical reality it takes work. You want the hot chick, you want the nice car, you want the nice house, you want the good job, this takes some buckling down and working for it, and then later you reap it. If you are 50 lbs. overweight and you aren't getting numbers from chicks, time to buckle down and get in shape. Diet and exercise may suck for 6 months but when you are in great shape and you are banging hot babes, it will be worth it. If you are not getting hired time to improve that resume or maybe even work at the bottom and work your way up. At 26, if you work your ass off and buy 35 you are successful, then it pays off. This is how this life is, you have to do the work to reap the goods. But you can learn to enjoy the journey because on the deepest spiritual level, you are in he same eternal NOW right now at 26 that you will be at 36.

My guess is Millenials are going to have some very difficult time adjusting to the real world since they were taught they are entitled to everything or life should be easy. People that are older were taught life is hard and you got to work for it.

[dixoadam]

It seems your problems stems from your mental state not from your life. That is why you need professional help and contact people immediately who work with suicidal and depressed people. I gave you a great hotline to call. You are unable to see you are only 26, some people have no career until they are 40 or even later, but you are tripping out barely 26. It is your mental state not your life. I was still in school at 26. If you were given a million dollars maybe you would still be depressed right? See, it is your mind. I net people in 3rd world countries plowing fields with ox and living in mud huts that were happy and smiling. Then you have rich famous people with everything that are depressed. It is your mental state to work on.
But in this life, to have a good life in the physical reality it takes work. You want the hot chick, you want the nice car, you want the nice house, you want the good job, this takes some buckling down and working for it, and then later you reap it. If you are 50 lbs. overweight and you aren't getting numbers from chicks, time to buckle down and get in shape. Diet and exercise may suck for 6 months but when you are in great shape and you are banging hot babes, it will be worth it. If you are not getting hired time to improve that resume or maybe even work at the bottom and work your way up. At 26, if you work your ass off and buy 35 you are successful, then it pays off. This is how this life is, you have to do the work to reap the goods. But you can learn to enjoy the journey because on the deepest spiritual level, you are in he same eternal NOW right now at 26 that you will be at 36.

My guess is Millenials are going to have some very difficult time adjusting to the real world since they were taught they are entitled to everything or life should be easy. People that are older were taught life is hard and you got to work for it.

The thoughts are weird and they don't help me. I feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen and then that makes.me.depressed and then I think of what I want to do and that makes me depressed. I have an option to get my truck lisense and work for a moving company but that makes me depressed because I don't think I want to do that. I have lack of self esteem and motivation and just feel like a loser because I see everyone else working. People always say get off your ass and do something for yourself because you have to do it and it really stresses me out. It's probably good that this bothers me because it shows that I do want to do something just can't figure it out. It's just hard not go feel like a huge dead beat even tho I have had jobs my whole life. My whole job life has been in moving so maybe that's what I do and it's just my head saying no? Do things happen for a reason? Am I supposed to be here right now to figure stuff out ? I don't want people to think I'm some loser who is just waiting for an opportunity. I honestly don't want to go to school again after I went to college for 2 years for a program I never will use. So I just sit here and think about what the he'll I'm doing. I hope in a couple months I look back and think about how much of a waste of energy it was to worry about it. I appreciate everyone helping me. Just hate feeling like a.loser. I am going to take my dog to the dog park today to try relax but I want to stop feeling like a loser.

Will everything be okay?
Do people think of me differently?
Do I sound like a loser?
Do things happen for a reason?

Thanks again.

[Im-Suffering]

There is all-ways a way out.


The thoughts are weird and they don't help me. I feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen and then that makes.me.depressed and then I think of what I want to do and that makes me depressed. I have an option to get my truck lisense and work for a moving company but that makes me depressed because I don't think I want to do that. I have lack of self esteem and motivation and just feel like a loser because I see everyone else working. People always say get off your ass and do something for yourself because you have to do it and it really stresses me out. It's probably good that this bothers me because it shows that I do want to do something just can't figure it out. It's just hard not go feel like a huge dead beat even tho I have had jobs my whole life. My whole job life has been in moving so maybe that's what I do and it's just my head saying no? Do things happen for a reason? Am I supposed to be here right now to figure stuff out ? I don't want people to think I'm some loser who is just waiting for an opportunity. I honestly don't want to go to school again after I went to college for 2 years for a program I never will use. So I just sit here and think about what the he'll I'm doing. I hope in a couple months I look back and think about how much of a waste of energy it was to worry about it. I appreciate everyone helping me. Just hate feeling like a.loser. I am going to take my dog to the dog park today to try relax but I want to stop feeling like a loser.

Will everything be okay?
Do people think of me differently?
Do I sound like a loser?
Do things happen for a reason?

Thanks again.

The OP must learn to separate his beliefs (conditioning) from what is (ultimately) real (clinically speaking 'CBT'). "I am a loser" is not the truth about who he is. It s simply a temporary external condition reinforced by inner feelings and beliefs. Innately, he is the opposite. Since he is meant to feel good about who he is, these temporary feelings are meant to stimulate the creative processes toward resolving the problem that is causing all of this brooding and self deprecation.


Let me quote Dorothy Nolte, let her words live on here apropos for anxiety help boards since some of the following creates the emotional environment fertile for some dysfunction: (and likewise can edify some readers as to their own family environment and dynamics that may have contributed to their current personality).

"If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live."

*And for our good friend PanicCured a special note:

"If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect."

This (the opposite) is the reason in itself for much of his behavior and internal anxiety.

[dixoadam]

There is all-ways a way out.



The OP must learn to separate his beliefs (conditioning) from what is (ultimately) real (clinically speaking 'CBT'). "I am a loser" is not the truth about who he is. It s simply a temporary external condition reinforced by inner feelings and beliefs. Innately, he is the opposite. Since he is meant to feel good about who he is, these temporary feelings are meant to stimulate the creative processes toward resolving the problem that is causing all of this brooding and self deprecation.


Let me quote Dorothy Nolte, let her words live on here apropos for anxiety help boards since some of the following creates the emotional environment fertile for some dysfunction: (and likewise can edify some readers as to their own family environment and dynamics that may have contributed to their current personality).

"If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live."

*And for our good friend PanicCured a special note:

"If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect."

This (the opposite) is the reason in itself for much of his behavior and internal anxiety.

So maybe this anxiety is actually good as it might push me to do things?? I am extremely hard on myself and punish myself everyday. I started CBT therapy so I hope it helps. I am also going to talk to someone about a job tomorrow but I don't know if it is for me. Maybe I should just take what I can and find something else in the meantime??

[PanicCured]

The thoughts are weird and they don't help me. I feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen and then that makes.me.depressed and then I think of what I want to do and that makes me depressed. I have an option to get my truck lisense and work for a moving company but that makes me depressed because I don't think I want to do that. I have lack of self esteem and motivation and just feel like a loser because I see everyone else working. People always say get off your ass and do something for yourself because you have to do it and it really stresses me out. It's probably good that this bothers me because it shows that I do want to do something just can't figure it out. It's just hard not go feel like a huge dead beat even tho I have had jobs my whole life. My whole job life has been in moving so maybe that's what I do and it's just my head saying no? Do things happen for a reason? Am I supposed to be here right now to figure stuff out ? I don't want people to think I'm some loser who is just waiting for an opportunity. I honestly don't want to go to school again after I went to college for 2 years for a program I never will use. So I just sit here and think about what the he'll I'm doing. I hope in a couple months I look back and think about how much of a waste of energy it was to worry about it. I appreciate everyone helping me. Just hate feeling like a.loser. I am going to take my dog to the dog park today to try relax but I want to stop feeling like a loser.

Will everything be okay?
Do people think of me differently?
Do I sound like a loser?
Do things happen for a reason?

Thanks again.

Remember, you don't always have to follow every thought, nor do you have to believe all your thoughts and whatever goes on in your brain. Just because your mind tells you you are a loser or your life sucks doesn't make it true or real! Life is a constant journey not a goal you get to and then you just stay there. To make this journey happen, requires ups and downs. Again, to me it sounds like your mental state, and I hope you follow my advice to help that by seeing and talking to professionals.

[Im-Suffering]

Here we go, your post broken into sentences in question form and some answers after the dash :




So maybe this anxiety is actually good as it might push me to do things?? - It will push you to learn to 'think' differently, which in turn will cause you to act differently. Thought before deed.

I am extremely hard on myself and punish myself everyday. - Yes, you will learn the opposite. How to be kind with self. You cannot treat another as you would self (as the command goes), if you are so mean and impatient with self. You understand.

I started CBT therapy so I hope it helps. - If you want it to. Find the reason for the lack of compassion with self. Who treated you badly? Where did you copy this behavior from? It is not inherent, although it may as well have been if your role models as a child treated you badly. Or your world view was pessimistic. This was learned. Knowing that can help you to reflect and understand, putting it in perspective and ready for therapy.

I am also going to talk to someone about a job tomorrow but I don't know if it is for me. - The definition of an insane person is thinking/acting/doing the same things daily and expecting different results. So don't expect change on the outside until the inner is sorted a bit. Tomorrow is a creation from your yesterday-thoughts, so this job event is based on faulty thinking, old news, you see. Change your thoughts, change your life and your tomorrows. You would not even be in this position with the job then, which is no more than a test of your thinking and problem solving.

Maybe I should just take what I can and find something else in the meantime?? - Get the mental sorted, first. The physical will reflect the new state of mind. Your experiences now reflect the depressive mood, you understand?



You cannot have a great dream job or fulfilling life (or relationship) while you believe you are a loser, do you understand? All events will be experienced from a 'loser, deadbeat' perspective. To experience the opposite you must think the opposite, which CBT will help with. Thought always creates the physical, not the other way around. Since they are so enmeshed, you might believe you are tossed around by exterior circumstances beyond your control, which can not be further from the truth.

You must also work on visualization, picturing a dream future, dream job, dream relationship, with as much intent as you now do the opposite. If you are honest with self, you will find some day that nothing was fulfilling you at the moment, including the girl - As you change, so do the people around you - by attraction. So in a state of transformation you are clearing the air so to speak making room for the springtime - cleaning house (spring cleaning). I hope you can see that one day as you look back.

[jessed03]

So many posts getting deleted in this thread. I'm struggling to keep up.

[dixoadam]

Here we go, your post broken into sentences in question form and some answers after the dash :



You cannot have a great dream job or fulfilling life (or relationship) while you believe you are a loser, do you understand? All events will be experienced from a 'loser, deadbeat' perspective. To experience the opposite you must think the opposite, which CBT will help with. Thought always creates the physical, not the other way around. Since they are so enmeshed, you might believe you are tossed around by exterior circumstances beyond your control, which can not be further from the truth.

You must also work on visualization, picturing a dream future, dream job, dream relationship, with as much intent as you now do the opposite. If you are honest with self, you will find some day that nothing was fulfilling you at the moment, including the girl - As you change, so do the people around you - by attraction. So in a state of transformation you are clearing the air so to speak making room for the springtime - cleaning house (spring cleaning). I hope you can see that one day as you look back.

Maybe I'll just take the job and see how it goes. I don't know of it's what I want to do or even of I will like it....maybe that's just my anxiety telling me that?? I can't keep feeling like this so maybe this is what has to be done. I don't get why bring happy has to be so hard. I don't know exactly what I want to do but I know what I want. Would like to get my own place again and eventually start a family at one point (I hope). It just seems that no matter what I try think or try do it always seems to get me down like my head just doesn't want me to be happy.

[Im-Suffering]

Maybe I'll just take the job and see how it goes. I don't know of it's what I want to do or even of I will like it....maybe that's just my anxiety telling me that?? I can't keep feeling like this so maybe this is what has to be done. I don't get why bring happy has to be so hard. I don't know exactly what I want to do but I know what I want. Would like to get my own place again and eventually start a family at one point (I hope). It just seems that no matter what I try think or try do it always seems to get me down like my head just doesn't want me to be happy.

Its your head. If the thoughts are unhappy in it, then look to why. Ask yourself questions. "why cant I be happy?' And go on deeper and deeper. You will be surprised at what you come up with. Address all of it. You will find most of it is untrue. You are not a loser, for example, but digging into your mind will reveal the reason you think you are.

Its your work, you understand. Keep visualizing before bed especially your future life with your own place and your own family. But, without the self hatred. Visualize yourself happy. Very important. This in itself will raise the issues that stand in your way in the form of bad feelings. Say you picture yourself with a wife, and she leaves you, you just cant hold happy thoughts. Then let the picture play out asking questions, "why cant I have a great relationship?' and the answers will come.

Tell me you understand this. Just say it. and then get on to work. Stop the mental masturbation back and forth with yourself. Get to the truth at all costs.

[dixoadam]

Its your head. If the thoughts are unhappy in it, then look to why. Ask yourself questions. "why cant I be happy?' And go on deeper and deeper. You will be surprised at what you come up with. Address all of it. You will find most of it is untrue. You are not a loser, for example, but digging into your mind will reveal the reason you think you are.

Its your work, you understand. Keep visualizing before bed especially your future life with your own place and your own family. But, without the self hatred. Visualize yourself happy. Very important. This in itself will raise the issues that stand in your way in the form of bad feelings. Say you picture yourself with a wife, and she leaves you, you just cant hold happy thoughts. Then let the picture play out asking questions, "why cant I have a great relationship?' and the answers will come.

Tell me you understand this. Just say it. and then get on to work. Stop the mental masturbation back and forth with yourself. Get to the truth at all costs.

If I can just get a positive state of mind then everything will get better right? I am so thankful for a place like this as it helps to hear from others who have knowledge of how I feel. I thank you all for taking your time to read and respond to my post. I will make it I know... it's just hard when you have to fight yourself everyday. I'm sitting waiting to talk about this job and I am going to take it and see where it takes me :D

[gypsylee]

If I can just get a positive state of mind then everything will get better right? I am so thankful for a place like this as it helps to hear from others who have knowledge of how I feel. I thank you all for taking your time to read and respond to my post. I will make it I know... it's just hard when you have to fight yourself everyday. I'm sitting waiting to talk about this job and I am going to take it and see where it takes me :D

You'll do fine :) good work.

[dixoadam]

You'll do fine :) good work.

One thing I am confident in is that I am a good person and I care for people. I used To volunteer with the big brother program which helps less fortunate children but had to leave due to my anxiety after my 6 year breakup. It's just everything else I can't get a hang of.

[gypsylee]

One thing I am confident in is that I am a good person and I care for people. I used To volunteer with the big brother program which helps less fortunate children but had to leave due to my anxiety after my 6 year breakup. It's just everything else I can't get a hang of.

Well that's more than a lot of people can honestly say :)

I still can't get a hang of "everything else" and I'm 41 lol.

[dixoadam]

Take the current job if you wish and go back to volunteering, do both if you can. Make time for what feels good.

Also by accident, you have hit the nail on the head and consciously recognized (epiphany) why you feel (a good portion of) anxiety (still to this day). Where is the guilt, shame coming from? Regret. You are a good person, but what do you blame yourself for?

This 6 year breakup, did you ever grieve that loss? (loss does not have to be death). I want you to make the connection between that breakup and anxiety. And understand it (the emotional trauma) can still be with you (it is) especially fueled by guilt and remorse, couple with the timing of mom passing when you needed this girl the most. Every breakup therefor (throughout life) will seem like the end of the world (and trigger anxiety back), do you understand? If you don't heal inside.

I still feel the breakup and would find it hard to find another relationship. My anxiety makes me dependant on people so it won't work out in a relationship. Anyway I took the job and feel kind of good hopefully it gets better. I goto therapy every week. I have started my medication which is nice (can't remember the name right now). I hope this is the start to sonething great.

[struggling1234]

wow i can totally relate, the girl i loved for 6 years is getting married to someone else. im devastated... im shocked and im so sad and i cant stop thinking about it.... along with my anxiety issues i can feel what you feel. keep on striving man there is light at the end of the tunnel and things will get better!! each day is a day closer to the day your healed!!

[dixoadam]

wow i can totally relate, the girl i loved for 6 years is getting married to someone else. im devastated... im shocked and im so sad and i cant stop thinking about it.... along with my anxiety issues i can feel what you feel. keep on striving man there is light at the end of the tunnel and things will get better!! each day is a day closer to the day your healed!!

No kidding man. I have been pretty bad lately I started this new job and is not helping. I feel like such a loser and a dead beat because I'm going to have to ask my dad for money to pay my car payment. I don't know what I did you hey here. Therapy seems to help but not that much what do I do? Just feel empty and worthless. I don't know what to do or whaat I want to do and I feel like I'm starting to give up.

[Kixxi]

Ok so basically in the last 2 years I lost my mother to alcohol abuse and liver failure and I lost my girlfriend of 6 years who I thought I would be with forever. I have had a hard time dealing with my girlfriend leaving because I depended on her too much due to my GAD. Last week I lost my job but I didn't really like the job anyway. Only problem now is that I feel my life is over. I am turning 26 this week and I feel like I am running out of time. I have no job and no girlfriend and I am so scared about what will happen. I live at home with my dad after my gf left and we got rid of our apartment. I feel like a complete dead beat who now has no job and has to depend on my dad to help. I have car payments and my dad pays for my insurance because I got in an accident and my payments are too high. I love my father and appreciate everything he does for me but I can't stop
Thinking that I should be able to do it all myself at my age. Is my life over? Do I just end it? I really get down on myself and those dark thoughts make me feel like it's the only way to go. I don't want to feel like this no more. I don't know what I want to do with my life and the anxiety is just so severe now. If anyone is in the same boat and have gotten better please let me know. I don't want to give up but those feeling is so bad. I'm scared for my life and don't know what to do. I hope my life gets better.

Hi Dixo,

Let me assure you that this is a common feeling amongst us. I am 27 now and I often feel a bit hopeless and like my life isn't going anywhere.
Then I ask myself if I want to feel this way or if my anxiety/mind is playing tricks on me again. Answer: I don't want to feel this way and life is what I make of it.
In short, you don't have to follow the "norm" to be happy, everyone finds their happiness in a different time frame and it is nothing to worry about.
You will find your way and make your own happiness when you are ready to do so.

[Kuma]

No kidding man. I have been pretty bad lately I started this new job and is not helping. I feel like such a loser and a dead beat because I'm going to have to ask my dad for money to pay my car payment. I don't know what I did you hey here. Therapy seems to help but not that much what do I do? Just feel empty and worthless. I don't know what to do or whaat I want to do and I feel like I'm starting to give up.

You are definitely not a loser or a deadbeat. I can tell this because you did important community service work for a sustained period of time and also because you are working and also because you have some regret about having to ask your dad for money for your car payment -- which many people do without any regret at all, as if they were somehow entitled to it. All this shows that you have character. Some day, you will be able to pay your dad back, either with money or by helping him out in other ways when he needs it. Seems to me you are a pretty decent person but a little bit hard on yourself. (I am sometimes that way too...)

[dixoadam]

You are definitely not a loser or a deadbeat. I can tell this because you did important community service work for a sustained period of time and also because you are working and also because you have some regret about having to ask your dad for money for your car payment -- which many people do without any regret at all, as if they were somehow entitled to it. All this shows that you have character. Some day, you will be able to pay your dad back, either with money or by helping him out in other ways when he needs it. Seems to me you are a pretty decent person but a little bit hard on yourself. (I am sometimes that way too...)

Is like I live with a bully 24/7 tells me everything from your a loser, the girl you talk to doesn't like you, this new job Js not for you, you won't make any money here., you will be hopeless the rest of your life. I listen to this all day and it just drains me. I wish I didn't have this. I worked with a guy who is way worse off than me today and he just had a kid. I don't understand why I can't be happy with who I am.