sae
05-20-2015, 09:55 AM
I live in a Duplex so from time to time I hear the neighbors' business. They have spent the morning arguing and throwing things. It does not happen often at all, but the banging and shouting gives me real pause. I feel like I am having made for tv movie war flashbacks, recalling memories i would rather not revisit. Not my favorite way to wake up.
I feel like lead today. By this time in the morning I have usually finished at least the more time consuming elements of my housework regimen. Today I haven't swept, mopped, dusted, moved pillows... none of it. I emptied the dishwasher and felt like I ran a marathon. I have days like this. Whether it is heart related or an element of an oncoming depressive episode is beyond me at this time.
Because I haven't done my daily routine mopping and dusting I am almost terrified someone will come to visit, see my home like this, and me unwashed, unbrushed.
The neighbor apparently hired a lawn guy to mow their grass. I hope it isn't the same guy that keeps knocking on my door trying desperately to get me as a new customer. At least once he has just mowed my grass and stood outside demanding payment. Today I just don't have it. I am an easy target for the lawnmower scam artists around here because they know in the past i have given them money just to make them go away. Hopefully after the last one showed up on one mf my brave days and I gave him a real piece if my mind it will happen far less frequently. If it happens again today, with the day I'm having so far, I may fork over cash I can't really afford to lose over a job I can easily do myself with my own mower once the grass dries.
I desperately want to turn off the radio in the back bedroom, tack the curtains closed, and hide in my bathtub until that stupid lawn guy goes away, but I can't allow my unreasonable fears to win either.
Bravery is tough to come by some days. Fighting irrational fear is tiring. I know lately I have been doing pretty damned good so this feeling will likely go away by tomorrow. Until then I am going to find something quiet to do, leave my curtains untacked, my floors unmopped, the radio on and wait for the lawn guy to go away.
I feel like lead today. By this time in the morning I have usually finished at least the more time consuming elements of my housework regimen. Today I haven't swept, mopped, dusted, moved pillows... none of it. I emptied the dishwasher and felt like I ran a marathon. I have days like this. Whether it is heart related or an element of an oncoming depressive episode is beyond me at this time.
Because I haven't done my daily routine mopping and dusting I am almost terrified someone will come to visit, see my home like this, and me unwashed, unbrushed.
The neighbor apparently hired a lawn guy to mow their grass. I hope it isn't the same guy that keeps knocking on my door trying desperately to get me as a new customer. At least once he has just mowed my grass and stood outside demanding payment. Today I just don't have it. I am an easy target for the lawnmower scam artists around here because they know in the past i have given them money just to make them go away. Hopefully after the last one showed up on one mf my brave days and I gave him a real piece if my mind it will happen far less frequently. If it happens again today, with the day I'm having so far, I may fork over cash I can't really afford to lose over a job I can easily do myself with my own mower once the grass dries.
I desperately want to turn off the radio in the back bedroom, tack the curtains closed, and hide in my bathtub until that stupid lawn guy goes away, but I can't allow my unreasonable fears to win either.
Bravery is tough to come by some days. Fighting irrational fear is tiring. I know lately I have been doing pretty damned good so this feeling will likely go away by tomorrow. Until then I am going to find something quiet to do, leave my curtains untacked, my floors unmopped, the radio on and wait for the lawn guy to go away.