Suicide?

[jamleejoy]

I was wondering if anyone out there has felt like suicide is the only option?
I am not trying to say that is the only option for me or anything but there are times when I feel that way. I know it's not the way and I know there are places you can go for help but sometimes I just feel so helpless. I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful family but I still feel so alone when my anxiety hits or my depression and social phobia hits. I never want to go anywhere and when I have to go somewhere my anxiety is horrible.

[gypsylee]

Yes, many times.

[Mr Jingles]

Certainly been there, where suicide starts sounding good.

Sometimes it would be surprising thoughts like jumping off a bridge I was crossing. They just jumped in my head. Scared me.

Other times it was being so tired and beat down by the constant adrenaline and depression. Wanting to end the suffering and feeling out of control of my thoughts and no hope for future since felt out of control. I never wanted to die, just not to have to experience the pain anymore.

This got better for me, so there is certainly hope.

[sae]

I used to feel like this from time to time, then I was given a view of what the aftermath looked like and the wake it leaves behind. It creates a void in the lives of loved ones wondering what could have been done to prevent it.
There is still the random occasion I will sit outside next to the AC condenser, usually when my depression hits, and wonder what made him choose that path. I wonder if doing the very same thing would just make the insanity, the crushing sadness, the crippling fear stop once and for all. Then I think about what his death did to us, how my death would affect those I love most, and how many good things are rights under my nose unseen. That's usually when I dust myself off, grit my teeth, and smile because I was given this day to be alive.
Thoughts of suicide don't make a person weak, or less than. It's because of pain and fear these thoughts surface. Just know when you feel out of place, heavy, you hurt you are loved even as you are.

[Anxiety91]

Hello Jamleejoy,

I have one thing to say to you. I hear many of anxiety sufferers have those black suicidal thought, I suffer from anxiety for a Year now, and I have to say that I never have had those kind of thought, mostly because to me that is not an opinion, and that is not what I consider as solution in any way, I consider that as a loss to myself, I guess that is why I never had them... I am sorry I don't want to disturb you or offend you in any way, but I love to think about it in this way, with every negative thing that Anxiety strikes me with, I try to think the way to strike back, or become immune to it (which can be hard), and not to give up. One thing is for sure, many physiological and mental symptoms that I had, once I figured them out in my mind, they completely disappeared... You don't know, what tomorrow haves to offer... Just don't give, in the end it will be something that was worth fighting for

[kdg.supermom]

Yes there was a time in my life when I felt like suicide was the only option. It was a struggle fighting those feelings and it was quite draining so I understand and commend you for reaching out. You are not alone and I am sorry you going through this. There was one thing for sure, I knew I couldn’t handle the thoughts alone, I found strength in learning more about God and talking to a wonderful counselor. Do you have a close friend or counselor you can express your feelings too? When you feel like you are in danger of self-harm, I urge you to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TAlK. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Looking forward to hearing back from you!

kdgsupermom

[drac16]

In the past, I have felt that it was the right thing to do. I don't believe that anymore, however. I don't believe it's in anyone's best interest. I am convinced, and have been for a long time, that suicide is the only way to stop the ever increasing despair in my life, but I try to fight through it.

[gypsylee]

What nobody mentions in suicide discussions is that it's actually very difficult to kill yourself (as in physically). Just saying.

[Two One]

Yes, all the time. Although I would say it's not depression that brings forth my suicidal thoughts, it's the times of severe anxiety that cause them. Last year during my lowest point I contemplated suicide nearly every day. I would just be so run down by all the physical symptoms and overwhelmed by the feelings of anxiety that I just wanted it to end. I wanted to stop the suffering, the mental anguish, the physical and emotional pain. I assumed nobody would miss me, I felt like a burden to everyone around me. I was done. But as Gypsy said, it's difficult to kill yourself. This caused the "preparation" for me. I constantly ran through the most effective methods of suicide. I wanted a painless way out because I felt I at least deserved that. Eventually that went away because my thoughts became distorted enough to the point where I figured temporary physical pain is a small price to pay for an end to my mental and emotional pain. They went away once I started going to therapy.

Recently I've suffered a pretty bad lapse in treatment, and if I'm being honest I'm strongly considering suicide once again. I feel as if I've had my chance to get better and I blew it. I don't know that I have that kind of fight in me again.

Hang in there.

[superchick22684]

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for many years. Before anyone gets super worried I don't have a plan or means to do so at my disposal. I actually just switched to a new therapist a month ago and he was surprised that I've dealt with those thoughts for so long and not acted on them.

I am medicated (Cymbalta (daily) and buspirone (3x a day) and Vistaril as needed) but the meds can only do so much. I find my depression and anxiety to be very isolating and my family and friends don't really understand what I'm going through but they try. I've even searched to see if there's a support group in my area but the only one I can find is for those with bipolar. That's pretty much how I ended up on this board because I don't have anywhere else I can go where people will understand what's going on.

The thoughts usually hit when I'm in the depths of depression or if I can't stop being anxious. I know that taking my life is not the answer to what I'm going through. I saw a quote recently that struck me, it said "Suicide doesn't end the pain, it simply passes it on to those you love." As cheesy as it may sound that's a pretty accurate statement.
Hang in there.