Hello, I think

[Desu_Zusu]

I apologize in advance if any of this is choppy, repetitive, or just poorly written... (I'm kind of a perfectionist, but I'm so very nervous about actually committing to doing this.)

I'm Desu_Zusu. Or Desu. Or Zusu. Or you could even call my Angel. I see no harm in a first name being stated online. (I mean...Facebook exists, after all, and on there people get to see your last name, too, as well as where you live.) I love to play video games, paint (especially with acrylic, but sometimes I'll use watercolor or mixed media with both paints and oil pastel...), I also read and write, though I haven't done the later in a while. I'm a very creative person, but it took ages of people nagging me to not listen to my parents about going into business management or whatever and to go into art (as I so obviously wanted to) for me to finally start college back up with an art major. Since then I've decided to finish this degree and then go to school for art therapy whilst having a job as a curator, or something else art-related for the time being.

My therapist reading into my paintings that I share with her has inspired me to direct my attention to art therapy for those who suffer from anxiety disorders. What she asks and says about my works helps me so much, and I can only imagine what I'd be able to do.

I'm still far from being better, which is half the reason I decided to be brave (which is huge and nearly impossible for me) and join a forum for those with anxiety. I started therapy not long ago, and it's all because I asked my doctor - whom I go to for migraines - about therapists. The one he recommended is perfect. She and I are so alike it's crazy. I love her. But sometimes it's still very hard to go see her...

I'm on medication to ease anxiety as well as to counteract panic attacks when I feel they may occur. (Two different medications.) On top of my medicine for migraine prevention and to stop any I get. I feel like a medicine cabinet, and I hate it, but my migraines and anxiety are bad...

I have G.A.D. but sometimes I fear that maybe I'm developing symptoms of agoraphobia and whatnot as well. I'm terrified of talking to people. I hardly talk to my own family or friends. (I'm amazed I have friends.) Sometimes I'm amazed I have a job when I think about how bad I get sometimes. ...And then I get scared I'll lose my job. Seems counter-productive of me...

On the other end, though, I'm horrified of being alone! I need my fiance to text me when he gets anywhere...or I panic. Legit full blown panic attack. It's insane. I feel like less of a person because of this disorder. Especially with the aspect of my phobia of cars. I don't even have my, um...temps. (My mind keeps blanking out... My anxiety has been worse lately. My therapist says it's because of my recent surgery and infection. Trauma to the body and all, she says, makes medicine less effective.)

Anyway... I thought that, maybe...if I reached out somewhere like here I'd continue to improve. I want a life. I want to not be scared of everything. Some days I feel like I'm getting better. Some days I feel twice as bad. I just don't understand...

[gypsylee]

Hello and welcome :)

[Mr Jingles]

Legit full blown panic attack. It's insane.

Yes, it is. Your body is completely freaking out and a part if you knows it is completely unnecessary, useless. It IS insane. But the panic is also real. You are feeling panic, racing heart, whatever. You aren't less of a person. You're just less able to function right now when your body keeps thinking it's about to die.


Some days I feel like I'm getting better. Some days I feel twice as bad. I just don't understand...

Yes, me too. Anxiety definitely feels like two steps forward, one back. I find this frustrating and scary.

I often don't understand what is happening to me and want to so badly. I feel completely out of control, everything I'm trying isn't working, I want to understand, have some control, some certainty.

[rissable]

Yes, it is. Your body is completely freaking out and a part if you knows it is completely unnecessary, useless. It IS insane. But the panic is also real. You are feeling panic, racing heart, whatever. You aren't less of a person. You're just less able to function right now when your body keeps thinking it's about to die.

That's exactly what I'm going through right now as well. Rationally, I KNOW my life is wonderful, amazing. It has problems like all people's lives, but I know deep down I'm capable of handling those problems, especially with my husband and best friend supporting me. But somehow my body says, "NO! Things are bad, feel bad! Something is wrong!" And then I can't breathe, my stomach ties up in knots, and I just feel horrible.

[Desu_Zusu]

It's comforting to see other people who can actually relate to what I'm going through. I'm so sick of my parents and my fiance's family telling me to "just do" things, like it's that simple.

[JennJenn]

I'm with you. My anxiety is getting the best of me this time. people tell me to just make myself get up and do things to keep my mind busy. I know that would help but I have no energy to do it because the anxiety has drained me. my stomach stays in knots and life feels like it's never going to ever get back to normal. I know that I can't let this rule my life but it feels so much bigger than anything I can control.

[Mr Jingles]

JennJenn:
...people tell me to just make myself get up and do things to keep my mind busy. I know that would help but I have no energy to do it because the anxiety has drained me.

In project management, we used to talk about "right project AND right time." Often the project is the right thing, a great idea, would work, etc. But the timing is wrong: no resources, people busy with other stuff, tech isn't there yet, you name it.

People try to help, and their advice is often the "right project." But as any anxiety sufferer knows, timing is everything. And often you just don't have the energy, hope, whatever.

Anxiety has taught me how to respect this and be much more dynamic in my expectations of myself. That's a skill that will pay dividends long after the anxiety phase of my life is gone.

[newleaf86]

Hi Everyone. I am currently recovering myself from anxiety, insomnia, and feeling of down/depressed. In any given day there are windows of time when I'm down/depressed and other times when I'm completely normal, just like I used to be. My therapist told me that just the fact that there are times during the day when I am feeling "normal" means that I am capable of feeling like that all the time...and the same applies to everyone on here! A good technique is, whenever you feel anxious/anxiety coming on, write down the thoughts that triggered that feeling (you will find that they are mostly negative thoughts or some fear/worry about something or someone) on the left side, and on the right side write down a counter-argument using your name in front of it. So for example, my fear is "what if I can't sleep properly tonight" so I will write that down, and my counter argument I will write down will be "<myname>, it is perfectly OK if you don't sleep that well tonight. Your body will still be rested and you will be able to function 100% tomorrow no problem."

Do this for a few days and whenever similar thoughts come into your head just use the counter argument, using your name to talk to yourself in the 3rd person. This is a technique many therapists use for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). The main reason for anxiety is negative thinking/worry.

Also, it is PROVEN that regular exercise (minimum 3 times a week, 30 minutes of heart rate being 60-80% of max heart rate) yields the same results as Zoloft, which is an antidepressant drug doctors love to give people with anxiety/depression. Start exercising regularly, even if it is a 5 minute walk around the block and work your way up to 30 mins a day at least 3-4 times a week and eat healthier foods and you WILL notice a difference!