Anxiety & Marriage

[mrslizzyg]

I feel like I put my husband is this horrible position... You can't "win" with anxiety. It isn't logical. It doesn't let a person be calm and process things "normally."
When my husband and I fight, it always goes through stages. It starts out with something, either big or small, usually the latter. I start to panic, he wants to retreat to avoid my outburst, which causes me to panic more. He gets angry. I get angry. Then I have this realization that I am not being logical. I REALIZE that my brain is messing with me, and it's just this huge feeling of guilt that comes over me. I instantly feel bad for blowing up on him(if he didn't do anything wrong especially..) & I end up hating myself and my anxiety.

My husband has actually been a really understanding man about this. He DOES get that I cannot control it, and in some instance, he keeps a cool head and talks me down. But you can only push a person so far until they start to push back, you know? I can't blame him for getting frustrated, just like he doesn't blame me for my anxiety.

I am always trying to "do better", and on my good days I do everything I can to be a good wife. I am terrified of failing my marriage because I cannot stop freaking out over things that shouldn't be such a big deal. (We are talking like... didn't stop at the store for dog food, spent too much time on his phone while watching a movie, etc.. nothing major..)

How are you guys handling anxiety and your marriage?

[Kuma]

A conscious effort to not allow my anxiety to become my wife's problem. And couples therapy.

[Robert Tressell]

I feel like I put my husband is this horrible position... You can't "win" with anxiety. It isn't logical. It doesn't let a person be calm and process things "normally."
When my husband and I fight, it always goes through stages. It starts out with something, either big or small, usually the latter. I start to panic, he wants to retreat to avoid my outburst, which causes me to panic more. He gets angry. I get angry. Then I have this realization that I am not being logical. I REALIZE that my brain is messing with me, and it's just this huge feeling of guilt that comes over me. I instantly feel bad for blowing up on him(if he didn't do anything wrong especially..) & I end up hating myself and my anxiety.

My husband has actually been a really understanding man about this. He DOES get that I cannot control it, and in some instance, he keeps a cool head and talks me down. But you can only push a person so far until they start to push back, you know? I can't blame him for getting frustrated, just like he doesn't blame me for my anxiety.

I am always trying to "do better", and on my good days I do everything I can to be a good wife. I am terrified of failing my marriage because I cannot stop freaking out over things that shouldn't be such a big deal. (We are talking like... didn't stop at the store for dog food, spent too much time on his phone while watching a movie, etc.. nothing major..)

How are you guys handling anxiety and your marriage?
I'm very lucky to have my wife. When I confessed my years of anxiety and low self esteem to her, after 18 years of marriage, she was surprised, I hide it well;Couldn't hide the 30k of debt though. Anxiety gives me obsessions. Cameras, watches, clothes. We sold our house to start again. Anxiety rife now as job stress and uncertainty high, and we live in a rented house and even with a decent deposit and salary can only afford a modest house in the area we live due to crazy price increases. Feel trapped, weak. She helps me though and I love her, I feel guilty now as I feel she carries me and my burden every day.

[sae]

I am no longer married. That being said I think the very biggest step with handling anxiety, addiction, any of it, is forgiveness. This isn't just forgiving one another but most of all forgiving yourself.
You aren't going to be the perfect wife. I tried to be perfect for years and always fell short. Your husband didn't marry you perfect, he married you flawed just as you married him flawed. It's not always going to be sunshine and roses. There are going to be fights, and nasty ones, from time to time. No matter the cause as long as you two are able to see eye to eye and reconcile your differences you'll be alright. The make up sex thing works well too ;)
The first step is working on you for your sake and peace of mind. You have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else.
It's easy to get wrangled up in daily stressors. Sometimes you have to take a step back and try to find something positive about a given situation.

[dancingsunflowers80]

Hi...I agree with some of the other comments that marriage isn't going to be perfect. It's really two imperfect people trying to make their way in life together, so naturally there are going to be disagreements and anxiety. With that being said, counseling can be beneficial to talk through some of these issues to learn better ways of handling these situations. You're not alone though, I know a lot of my friends who struggle in this area of their marriages. Recognizing it is big, then doing something about it is even better. Hang in there!! Praying for you guys.

mommato2lilmonkeys

[Eska101]

I also feel stressed when me and my wife argue I often will withdraw to avoid arguements because I get anxious,but I'm wondering is there a alternative to blowing up can u try soeskubf ibe person at a time in a calm voice? When I did couples counselling they said to hold a tissue or spoon for the person whose speaking could help but I'm not a therapist or anything just advice. :)

[gypsylee]

How are you guys handling anxiety and your marriage?

By not having one ;)