Helplessand23
05-10-2015, 11:38 PM
I just posted a thread... i was feeling a bit better since taking new meds... im laying here in bed.. been playing games the past 2 hours. My Derealization/DP it;s intense like... Enhanced Awareness... anyways.. i thought i was good all day... calm.. and my cat just walked into the room.. i got irritated knowing shes gonna try and leave the window. I made the shh sound to get it out she walked away but came back in and i went to grab my fan and while wrestling around with the fan started to get a strange overwhelming feeling of Sadness, anger or anxiety.. i am about done with this condition.... this is just rediclous already.. I tell myself to chill ect... but no.. my bodys like fuck that i think im gonna pump your heart at mach 1 and make you feel like you're worthless Tyler. -_- idk if its cause im tired? or just on edge... ( today i almost kicked this shit out of 3 people at the store.. they picked on my little buddy so i being 6''8 400lbs wanted to show the bullies what a bully is and they backed up. more jumped outta the car and tension rose... yet the old me would rethink even leaving my vechicle.. but today.. i just opened my door and ran right up to them swearing... Being on house arrest... fighting would not have been a good idea. Anyways.. im laying here trying to stay calm.. but i keep thinking.. this is never gonna end.. And how do i know.. what i feel.. the unreality.. is really the same as everyone else's how do i know im not the only person in the world with this feeling... everything is really intense and bright..and just different. i can blink a bit and talk to myself like.. relax it's alright.. then a second later no joke... i start thinking... this is forever... You're not normal...and the worst part. i wanna message my girlfriend,but lately i feel like i have become extremely clingy... i am so confused and feel alone.. When my DR tells me things... i have trouble beliving her. i feel like i can't trust or Believe ANYONE. at all.... i will be seeing a psych dr soon.. and in my mind i am thinking she ain't gonna be able to help at all. Last Dr i talked to when i was 16 told me i felt this way because i play to much video games... LIKE REALLY?!?!!? I feel Bat shit nuts and out of my body ect.. all the symtoms of DP and DR.... ( i am on meds now being 23 ) And that DRs opinioin is.... its the games... like fuck off.. i took weeks off games ect.. and nothing.. im just getting real sick of this and when it comes to DR's here in Canada and everywhere in the world i just can't trust them... i mean 20 years ago.. people didnt even know what the fuck this condition was called... i feel extremely hopeless now.... i hate this intensity. Excuse the spelling errors......... -_-