If you could change just one small part of your anxiety experience, what would it be?

[Mr Jingles]

Do you have one piece of your anxiety experience that is currently, pound for pound, generating the most pain for you? Said another way, if you could change just one small part of your anxiety experience, what would you change?

As an example, I've been recently focused on stopping one thing. When I panic, which happens most days, I often feel like I suddenly have to come up with the RIGHT answer to a bunch of problems RIGHT now like:
*should I stay here or should I go
*how did I tell myself I'd handle this panic? What's the right method...I can't remember... Arrrggg ...
*my future is going to kill me, it is so bad. I need to fix it right NOW. But how?

The sensations of panic are difficult, but far worse is this feeling that I suddenly have to solve all these problems and just do everything right, right now, or I'll die. It feels like I am drowning in thoughts. It's as painful as drowning in water.

If I could stop the thoughts, or more likely, learn to ride them without responding, just like the feelings, I'd have a much easier time with panic. Also, I would panic a lot less, because it's this feeling of drowning in thought and totally out of control that I fear the most. That fear creates more panic.

So I've decided to just focus on that, learning every day how to ride out the thoughts until I've mastered it. Before I was trying to fix too many things at once. Once I feel confident I can surf the thoughts, not struggle, even during worst panic, I'll move on to the next anxiety challenge.

So again, what would you change? What is it for you?

I want to know what we anxiety sufferers find the hardest and if it's similar or different depending on the person.

Thanks.

[gypsylee]

I'm trying to separate it into parts like you have but I can't really. I think something I hate is how anxiety hangs around in the back of my mind, even when I'm supposedly relaxed. It's the constant vigilance -- feeling like you have to be ready for something ALL the time.

[Mr Jingles]

Gypsy,

I can relate to your constant vigilance. I have that to. It often drives my thoughts. I'm very mental, analytical. It also keeps me working 24/7. I love the parts of my life when the vigilance takes a nap and things just flow. The thoughts are there, but light, or useful, not so fear driven. And then that period ends... And the vigilance wakes up again.

[gypsylee]

Gypsy,

I can relate to your constant vigilance. I have that to. It often drives my thoughts. I'm very mental, analytical. It also keeps me working 24/7. I love the parts of my life when the vigilance takes a nap and things just flow. The thoughts are there, but light, or useful, not so fear driven. And then that period ends... And the vigilance wakes up again.

It annoys me. Like I can be sitting there playing a computer game and I have this nagging feeling that I have to go to bed. I catch myself and think "why do I have to go to bed? Ok so it's 3am lol, but I don't have to get up in the morning". I wish I could just f'in relax completely.

[drac16]

I suppose it would be the episodes of psychosis that I experience. I suffer from hallucinations; there are times where I'll see things flying around my room or hear voices that tell me to mutilate myself.

[gypsylee]

I suppose it would be the episodes of psychosis that I experience. I suffer from hallucinations; there are times where I'll see things flying around my room or hear voices that tell me to mutilate myself.

Really? Well you know that's not just anxiety; that's something like schizophrenia. Are you being treated for those things?

[drac16]

Really? Well you know that's not just anxiety; that's something like schizophrenia. Are you being treated for those things?

Yeah, I'm taking medication for the anxiety and psychotic epsiodes (seroquel). I think that if there was a strong possibility that I have schizophrenia, it would've been mentioned before [by the doctors I've seen]. I had an appointment with a doctor from CAMH, a hospital in Toronnto, and I've been to the emergancy ward several times at my local hospital; none of which resulted in a doctor telling me that I have schizophrenia (or even that I might have it).

Rather, I have anxiety that occasionally triggers hallucinations. If you don't believe me, I won't take offense, but please understand that I would have nothing to gain by lying about it.

[gypsylee]

Okay sure.. Just never heard of anxiety that triggers hallucinations before. I'm not the doctors who've seen you though :)

[Helplessand23]

Feeling not fuckin real!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would take everyone in the worlds panic attacks from them in return to be stripped of my unreality derealization bullshit!! It's dumb already! Everything is so fuckin enhanced and strange looking but not strange looking... A table looks like a table to me... But its fucked! As if somethings off with the way im seeing it... I dont get it. I hate feeling fake and i hate the random feelings of worhtlessness every few seconds... I hate laying in bed crying everynight wondering what is wrong with me. If it wasn't for my family needing me in their lives i would over with this by now.

[leojoyce1998]

constantly on Google typing in problems i have and coming out thinking i have 10 more!

[Mr Jingles]

I've never experienced the not real symptom, but from reading the experience of others, it sounds very uncomfortable.

I've done the Dr Google thing too much, too. :)

[mrslizzyg]

I would change the constant fear of things being worse than they really are..

[Robert Tressell]

nagging relentless self doubt, poor concentration, memory problems.

[sae]

Nothing. Without everything I have experienced so far, I would have never learned so much about myself and the world around me.


There's always one asshole in the group and unfortunately that asshole this time is me.

I would like to think even with my occasional bump in the road I am steadily trucking my way out of daily anxiety. Some of it I have come to accept as simply a part of me. These are the little things that do not plague me constantly, things that have been a part of my personality since early childhood memory, the being startled easily, occasionally being overwhelmed by loud noises or bright lights, the crazy overdrive brain.
The other parts, the high stress, panic, overwhelming dread, these are all things of my own invention. Without experiencing these I would have never learned from them.

[Mr Jingles]

@mrslizzyg: when you say worse than it really is, is it a sense of vigilance or danger or more of thoughts and feelings about how life situation or other things are worse?


@sae: I relate to what you're saying. There are times when it really does feel like anxiety has opened me and changed my life in ways that never would have happened without it. Of course, I never would have chosen it, I fought it, etc. Sometimes perhaps we get what we need, not what we want!

[raggamuffin]

Regarding "Dr Google". Put "Anxiety" before a symptom and you'll trace it all back to anxiety and not be panicking about diseases and death etc.

Ed