justbill
05-06-2015, 02:44 PM
Ive had anxiety since I was a teenager. For the last 10 years or so I've had it pretty well under control. The occasional panic attack(like maybe once a year) never really freaked me out to bad for more than an hour or so. But my anxiety was far from debilitating. In fact its been hardly noticable until the last year.
Last August I had a really severe heart palpitation while I was alone with my son. It was the first one I've ever noticed or felt like this. It freaked me out so bad I had to call my wife home from the store so I could go to the doctor. Doctor ran a ekg, said I had A heart palpitation but was otherwise fine. Saw a cardiologist and he ran the same thing. Said the type and number of palpitations I was having wasn't anything to worry about. No heart failure or anything like that.
For a while I was having several a day. The giant thud, getting hit in the chest with a truck type palpitation. After a few months I discovered Hawthorn, which has worked pretty well for me.
Curiously, having dealt with this for almost a year now, and several visits to the ER due to waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks that wouldnt go away for over an hour(and of course they always say I'm fine...FUCK!!!doesn't that make you want to cry?????Everytime I hear I'm perfectly fine I'm fighting back tears), and having the problem getting worse and not better, I'm kinda at my wits end I guess. Everytime I get to the ER I feel better as soon as I walk in the door....probably thinking "THIS TIME, there going to find the problem, and I'm going to get fixed". They never find anything. X rays, ultrasounds, ekgs...everything normal except for the occasional palpitation, which noone seems to be worried about but me.
Tragically this is really starting to affect my relationship with my wife. I know its stressing her out, and she has enough stress as it is. She tries the best she can but this uncertainty with whats going on with me hurts her. Me being a big strong tough man that is stubborn as hell isn't helping anything.
Oh, and I'm pretty convinced I've developed an allergy or sensitivity to caffeine and MSG. Apparently, the MSG allergy/sensitivity runs in my family...my grandmother had or said the same thing(she passed away 10 years ago unfortunately, well before any of my current problems started). The MSG seems to trigger palpitations/tachycardia...
Things I've tried so far-
Drinkings MUCH less(going from 8-10 beers a night to 3 or less...sometimes I go a few days without drinking, which after drinking for 8 years every night for a row was surprisingly easy)
Gave up caffeine(no soda, 1 cup of decaf coffee in the morning)
Eating much healthier(more organic salads, with all natural ingredients(stuff you can pronounce)), cutting out alot of excess sugar and preservatives
Exercising a bit
Just relaxing and spending a bit more time with my wife and son
Started a garden(which I LOVE)
Whoever said anxiety can't lead to productive changes in your life? In the last year I've become 10x happier(even if I havn't lost any weight lol). But I've noticed when I talk on the phone to people I don't talk to very often, I get palpitations. Ive always had this irrational fear of talking on the phone since I was a kid, though I've always been able to push through it. Even now, I have no problem pushing through it(even if I know its there), but it does seem to trigger some palpitations. Likewise, I always seem to have ONE palpitation at the same time every nearly morning(around 7-8 Oclock). Sometimes I won't have one for a week in a row(longest I went was about a month with none) and then every day for weeks at a time...argh.
I think I'm developing a sort of health anxiety...everytime I feel a little tingle in my shoulder or foot or hand I think I'm having a heart attack, I think this is the time. Sometimes I can talk myself out of it but nine times out of ten my irrational mind pushes through and I can't control it. I'm scared...I'm scared of not being there for my son, probably because my father was never there for me(he commited suicide when I was 5...and all this happened just around the time my son turned 5). It doesn't help my son is autistic and has a hard time with lots of stuff. I really feel like I have to be there for him and I'm scared to death something will happen to me and I wont be able to be there for him. Just writing that sentence brought tears to my eyes....
I feel like I have so much love in my heart, thats changed in the past year. I used to be real bitter and hateful, but I've slowly noticed my views changing from disgust and anger and contempt for the sheeple that used to annoy me so badly to compassion and love(at times....sometimes I lose it I just cant believe people can be such shitbags and stupid and idiots). I think possibly a problem I have is that my concious mind is happy with WHO I am, but I don't think my unconcious mind is...and i don't know why.
Ia all this stress? Being away from my family? I've been traveling for the past 2 months for work and its been worse than ever.
When I first wake up in the morning I feel great. Then the rest of the day I'm terrified todays going to be the day and I'm going to die. Conciously I know I'm going to die one day...but that doesn't really help.
I have chest pains, heavy breathing, shortness of breath, tremors....but I'm fine I guess. My rational mind doesn't understand...chemical imbalance in my brain. Sporadic electrical signals to the wrong part of the body....bugs in the code. Errors in the programming. How do I fix this? CAN I fix this?
I feel like my life is good right now. It's kind of tough, but good. I'm lucky to have a good job and a wife that doesn't screw around on me when I'm gone for a few months at a time. She's finally not spending all the savings either :) She takes good care of my son and my son is doing well in school.
I dont want to take synthetic drugs or chemicals that only treat the symptoms...I want to fix the problem and be a good example for my son.
Im sorry, I started writing this post coherently but it feels good to just free write and let my mind talk and get all this shit in my head out on "paper".
I have problems falling asleep(always have since I was a teenager) thats why I started drinking, now I can't drink because I fear thats only making things worse, so...I can't sleep again, which brings on stress, which brings on pains and anxiety.
Sorry for the rant/stream of conciousness type post, it felt good to get everything out. Today I had a panic attack so bad I had to go home from work. I cant seem to figure out the trigger, but I think constant stress is causing tightness in my chest and neck which triggers the panic attacks. These last for hours sometimes. As soon as I got back to the hotel room and sat down I felt much better.
I sure hope someone here can give me some help because everytime I go see a doctor they tell me I'm fine and send me on my way. Of course the bills they send me don't help anything, it gets to the point I don't know what I'm more scared of, going to the doctor/ER or the bill their going to send me. And this is after my insurance.
Im scared I'm not going to be able to continue working until I figure this out.
Last August I had a really severe heart palpitation while I was alone with my son. It was the first one I've ever noticed or felt like this. It freaked me out so bad I had to call my wife home from the store so I could go to the doctor. Doctor ran a ekg, said I had A heart palpitation but was otherwise fine. Saw a cardiologist and he ran the same thing. Said the type and number of palpitations I was having wasn't anything to worry about. No heart failure or anything like that.
For a while I was having several a day. The giant thud, getting hit in the chest with a truck type palpitation. After a few months I discovered Hawthorn, which has worked pretty well for me.
Curiously, having dealt with this for almost a year now, and several visits to the ER due to waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks that wouldnt go away for over an hour(and of course they always say I'm fine...FUCK!!!doesn't that make you want to cry?????Everytime I hear I'm perfectly fine I'm fighting back tears), and having the problem getting worse and not better, I'm kinda at my wits end I guess. Everytime I get to the ER I feel better as soon as I walk in the door....probably thinking "THIS TIME, there going to find the problem, and I'm going to get fixed". They never find anything. X rays, ultrasounds, ekgs...everything normal except for the occasional palpitation, which noone seems to be worried about but me.
Tragically this is really starting to affect my relationship with my wife. I know its stressing her out, and she has enough stress as it is. She tries the best she can but this uncertainty with whats going on with me hurts her. Me being a big strong tough man that is stubborn as hell isn't helping anything.
Oh, and I'm pretty convinced I've developed an allergy or sensitivity to caffeine and MSG. Apparently, the MSG allergy/sensitivity runs in my family...my grandmother had or said the same thing(she passed away 10 years ago unfortunately, well before any of my current problems started). The MSG seems to trigger palpitations/tachycardia...
Things I've tried so far-
Drinkings MUCH less(going from 8-10 beers a night to 3 or less...sometimes I go a few days without drinking, which after drinking for 8 years every night for a row was surprisingly easy)
Gave up caffeine(no soda, 1 cup of decaf coffee in the morning)
Eating much healthier(more organic salads, with all natural ingredients(stuff you can pronounce)), cutting out alot of excess sugar and preservatives
Exercising a bit
Just relaxing and spending a bit more time with my wife and son
Started a garden(which I LOVE)
Whoever said anxiety can't lead to productive changes in your life? In the last year I've become 10x happier(even if I havn't lost any weight lol). But I've noticed when I talk on the phone to people I don't talk to very often, I get palpitations. Ive always had this irrational fear of talking on the phone since I was a kid, though I've always been able to push through it. Even now, I have no problem pushing through it(even if I know its there), but it does seem to trigger some palpitations. Likewise, I always seem to have ONE palpitation at the same time every nearly morning(around 7-8 Oclock). Sometimes I won't have one for a week in a row(longest I went was about a month with none) and then every day for weeks at a time...argh.
I think I'm developing a sort of health anxiety...everytime I feel a little tingle in my shoulder or foot or hand I think I'm having a heart attack, I think this is the time. Sometimes I can talk myself out of it but nine times out of ten my irrational mind pushes through and I can't control it. I'm scared...I'm scared of not being there for my son, probably because my father was never there for me(he commited suicide when I was 5...and all this happened just around the time my son turned 5). It doesn't help my son is autistic and has a hard time with lots of stuff. I really feel like I have to be there for him and I'm scared to death something will happen to me and I wont be able to be there for him. Just writing that sentence brought tears to my eyes....
I feel like I have so much love in my heart, thats changed in the past year. I used to be real bitter and hateful, but I've slowly noticed my views changing from disgust and anger and contempt for the sheeple that used to annoy me so badly to compassion and love(at times....sometimes I lose it I just cant believe people can be such shitbags and stupid and idiots). I think possibly a problem I have is that my concious mind is happy with WHO I am, but I don't think my unconcious mind is...and i don't know why.
Ia all this stress? Being away from my family? I've been traveling for the past 2 months for work and its been worse than ever.
When I first wake up in the morning I feel great. Then the rest of the day I'm terrified todays going to be the day and I'm going to die. Conciously I know I'm going to die one day...but that doesn't really help.
I have chest pains, heavy breathing, shortness of breath, tremors....but I'm fine I guess. My rational mind doesn't understand...chemical imbalance in my brain. Sporadic electrical signals to the wrong part of the body....bugs in the code. Errors in the programming. How do I fix this? CAN I fix this?
I feel like my life is good right now. It's kind of tough, but good. I'm lucky to have a good job and a wife that doesn't screw around on me when I'm gone for a few months at a time. She's finally not spending all the savings either :) She takes good care of my son and my son is doing well in school.
I dont want to take synthetic drugs or chemicals that only treat the symptoms...I want to fix the problem and be a good example for my son.
Im sorry, I started writing this post coherently but it feels good to just free write and let my mind talk and get all this shit in my head out on "paper".
I have problems falling asleep(always have since I was a teenager) thats why I started drinking, now I can't drink because I fear thats only making things worse, so...I can't sleep again, which brings on stress, which brings on pains and anxiety.
Sorry for the rant/stream of conciousness type post, it felt good to get everything out. Today I had a panic attack so bad I had to go home from work. I cant seem to figure out the trigger, but I think constant stress is causing tightness in my chest and neck which triggers the panic attacks. These last for hours sometimes. As soon as I got back to the hotel room and sat down I felt much better.
I sure hope someone here can give me some help because everytime I go see a doctor they tell me I'm fine and send me on my way. Of course the bills they send me don't help anything, it gets to the point I don't know what I'm more scared of, going to the doctor/ER or the bill their going to send me. And this is after my insurance.
Im scared I'm not going to be able to continue working until I figure this out.