Social Anxiety that spread like wildfire

[atmywhitsend]

Hi everyone...

I am new to this and really hope some fellow people could reach out and give me some guidance.

My story;

I am a 23 year old, bubbly, outgoing and smart young girl. I feel like I really do (or did) have my life on track. Except for one thing, my anxiety.
For as long as I can remember i was always a 'worrier', a scardycat if you must. However, I still did the daring things, you know say the inappropriate joke and pull pranks- and it was my personality and I have friends and family who love me for it. Apart from me. I really don't like who I am and I am constantly in fear that everybody judges me, even though they act like it isn't the case.

My main anxiety arises whenever I drink too much and I go into panic mode. Overthinking EVERYTHING that i did or could have done. I obsess over pictures and videos of myself surfacing online of me doing god knows what and I convince myself that I am a super slutty slut who will be named and shamed (even though I do not sleep around or never have done). It drives me INSANE because I always go into the social situation not feeling or thinking like this, feeling like I am happy with who I am, and then afterwards I HATE myself. And it isn't just a hangover guilt, it is SHEER FEAR of who I am and what people think.

So if anybody could reach out with some advice or just guidance as to they understand I would greatly appreciate it because, just as my username tells, I am at my whits end!!

Thanks for your time in advance.

[gypsylee]

Hey, did your post just appear or did you do it again?

Well you know I'm glad there was no Facebook or anything when I was going out and drinking because I was one of those girls who got blind drunk and cannot remember anything the next day. It's a horrible feeling and I can imagine it's way worse when people take pics and post them online. But the thing with alcohol is, it makes any anxiety ten times worse when it wears off. I used to wake up with such panic that there may as well have been someone pointing a gun at my head. So I'm not sure what your situation is with alcohol but if you can avoid it, do so.

That's all I can think of right now sorry. Hopefully you'll get more advice from others here :)

Gypsy x

[atmywhitsend]

Hi Gypsy,

I re-posted and it came up straight away- obviously I didn't do it correctly the first time.

Thank you for replying- so fortunately I have never actually been victim to compromising pictures of myself posted online, however there is this deliberating irrational fear, but I question how irrational is it? Do i just lock myself away and never enjoy myself in the fear of pictures surfacing?

My anxiety rockets even when I don't blackout, my mind thinks up all these scanarios of maybe i did do something and I don't remember, making myself feel tainted and that no man will ever love a girl like that. It is horrible.

I guess my question would be is this anxiety in the social sense or a more deep rooted problem with the way I view myself?

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Many Thanks x

[gypsylee]

Hi Gypsy,

I re-posted and it came up straight away- obviously I didn't do it correctly the first time.

Thank you for replying- so fortunately I have never actually been victim to compromising pictures of myself posted online, however there is this deliberating irrational fear, but I question how irrational is it? Do i just lock myself away and never enjoy myself in the fear of pictures surfacing?

My anxiety rockets even when I don't blackout, my mind thinks up all these scanarios of maybe i did do something and I don't remember, making myself feel tainted and that no man will ever love a girl like that. It is horrible.

I guess my question would be is this anxiety in the social sense or a more deep rooted problem with the way I view myself?

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Many Thanks x

I'd say social anxiety IS a deep rooted problem in the way we view ourselves :) I mean my social anxiety is completely irrational.. I'm sometimes too scared to go to the supermarket and see other people but I have no idea why. It's all low self-esteem and thinking we aren't good enough for one reason or another.

[atmywhitsend]

You are right. I just find it odd how it only comes about with my drunk self. Its like I don't trust myself as a person I guess. Constantly thinking that I despicable things when drunk that are just unforgiving. I am not sure how to combat this because while I do not drink anymore, the memories and anxiety is still there. Any sugesstions? Would it be CBT?

Thanks x

[gypsylee]

You are right. I just find it odd how it only comes about with my drunk self. Its like I don't trust myself as a person I guess. Constantly thinking that I despicable things when drunk that are just unforgiving. I am not sure how to combat this because while I do not drink anymore, the memories and anxiety is still there. Any sugesstions? Would it be CBT?

Thanks x

So you still think about when you were drunk and what you did (or imagine you did) and feel anxious about it? I actually still dream that I'm really drunk and it makes me anxious in the dream (drunk and anxious at the same time!) I guess it's like this subconscious part of ourselves that we're afraid of and yeah, not trusting ourselves.

Some kind of therapy might be a good idea. Just talking about these things actually creates changes in the brain. I needed meds for my anxiety because I couldn't function properly at all it was that bad. But I didn't have support like this place back then and had no idea what was going on with me. If you're able to find a counsellor to just talk about this whole drunk thing it would probably help a lot.