IamthePancake
05-04-2015, 12:47 AM
Hello there,
I'm going to just start with the basics: I'm 17 years old, and a junior in high school. I've had social anxiety for as long as a I can remember. In addition to this, I also suspect I have generalized anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder. But those two wont be the focus of this post. The idea of talking to someone else in person to get these diagnosed is quite far fetched, as I lack the confidence. It took me several months just to gather the courage to make an account here.
My social anxiety has been getting worse with time. It's been probably 3 or 4 years since I've had the fortune of having a single friend. I can not talk to people that aren't family unless they speak first, and if that happens I typically find the fastest way of escaping the conversation. I would consider myself more fortunate if the horror ended there, but it doesn't. I spend sometimes weeks going through the conversation in my head, and criticize everything I responded with and the way I said it. I always make myself believe they interpreted whatever I said in the worst way possible. Not exactly a confidence booster. I also truly believe people despise me right off the bat, doesn't matter if I've spoken to this person or not. I will also see myself as inferior to just about anyone. I avoid any activity that may result in me being seen in public if I can, even as small as walking around the block or going to see a movie. The thing that kills me the most is being around people I know I would get along very well with, but not being able to do as little as say hello to them. That, and knowing how much of my life has been wasted on just being alone.
My symptoms are not as obvious at home, but are still very powerful. I can talk about most things at home with ease as long as it isn't personal. Personal being even things that are small, and things that seem absolute ridiculous to not feel comfortable telling family members. I still can't admit I listen to music to really anyone. Nor can I comfortably express interest things. And of course, I am not able to tell them how much social anxiety impacts my life.
I really appreciate those who have read this all the way through. It's taken months to get myself to post this on a forum. I'm leaving a lot to prevent ot from being too long. Any feedback is appreciated greatly.
Thanks
I'm going to just start with the basics: I'm 17 years old, and a junior in high school. I've had social anxiety for as long as a I can remember. In addition to this, I also suspect I have generalized anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder. But those two wont be the focus of this post. The idea of talking to someone else in person to get these diagnosed is quite far fetched, as I lack the confidence. It took me several months just to gather the courage to make an account here.
My social anxiety has been getting worse with time. It's been probably 3 or 4 years since I've had the fortune of having a single friend. I can not talk to people that aren't family unless they speak first, and if that happens I typically find the fastest way of escaping the conversation. I would consider myself more fortunate if the horror ended there, but it doesn't. I spend sometimes weeks going through the conversation in my head, and criticize everything I responded with and the way I said it. I always make myself believe they interpreted whatever I said in the worst way possible. Not exactly a confidence booster. I also truly believe people despise me right off the bat, doesn't matter if I've spoken to this person or not. I will also see myself as inferior to just about anyone. I avoid any activity that may result in me being seen in public if I can, even as small as walking around the block or going to see a movie. The thing that kills me the most is being around people I know I would get along very well with, but not being able to do as little as say hello to them. That, and knowing how much of my life has been wasted on just being alone.
My symptoms are not as obvious at home, but are still very powerful. I can talk about most things at home with ease as long as it isn't personal. Personal being even things that are small, and things that seem absolute ridiculous to not feel comfortable telling family members. I still can't admit I listen to music to really anyone. Nor can I comfortably express interest things. And of course, I am not able to tell them how much social anxiety impacts my life.
I really appreciate those who have read this all the way through. It's taken months to get myself to post this on a forum. I'm leaving a lot to prevent ot from being too long. Any feedback is appreciated greatly.
Thanks