sae
05-03-2015, 11:25 PM
3 record days for me. Friday was both fun and nerve wracking. I, the insufferable shut in that keeps her curtains tacked closed so no one can see in, invited people over for a Cards Against Humanity game night. I didn't vacuum in the middle of the game, move the throw pillows around a million times, I left the dip bowls in the sink dirty after they were empty, and I didn't even turn on all my stupid wax melters (my place has had a slight weird dog smell since I moved in, and I have two small dogs so I am sure they add a little to it.) On occasion I had the "what if they're horrified by my housekeeping" moments but i shoved them away and had fun. Once my guests left I left the mess and actually was able to sleep for a while with dishes in the sink and soda cans on the end tables.
Yesterday I was completely alone from 8 am to almost 10 pm (kid's curfew). I Untacked the curtains, opened the windows, played my music loud and actually enjoyed picking up after the party without the fear of not getting things just right. By 3:30 I had had enough of seeing people pass by on the sidewalk and closed the windows and the curtains, but I am leaving those stupid tacks in the drawer. Another restful night's sleep came, albeit a bit later than usual (I had a little caffeine yesterday and normally I stay far away from that stuff).
I woke this morning and dragged myself to real church instead of catching the podcast. I sat in church (or rather outside the sanctuary watching the screen, I am braver than ever but I still can't pay attention while sitting amongst hundreds of people) and felt great, although I seem to have tired myself out some.
After church I did another things I am notorious for not doing, I asked for help. I have had a broken washing machine in my tiny laundryroom for a little over a month. I have tried numerous times since it flooded to move it out but I am no longer the pinnacle of strength and ability I once was. There it sat until today. Finally tonight it sits on the curb waiting patiently for heavy trash day. All I was permitted by my helpers to carry (I am technically still on pretty strict lifting and exertion limitations ) was the cabinet facing for the machine.
I sit now, my house in okay order (i am learning slowly to accept okay over perfect), dishwasher splashing in the distance, watching the lights go by through my unpinned curtains and life is good. My hope is that someday very soon I can rejoin the workforce while finally going back to school this summer. It has been a source of anxiety, the prospect of being outside on a daily basis, but if everyday herafter can be even a portion as good as today I think I will be just fine.
Yesterday I was completely alone from 8 am to almost 10 pm (kid's curfew). I Untacked the curtains, opened the windows, played my music loud and actually enjoyed picking up after the party without the fear of not getting things just right. By 3:30 I had had enough of seeing people pass by on the sidewalk and closed the windows and the curtains, but I am leaving those stupid tacks in the drawer. Another restful night's sleep came, albeit a bit later than usual (I had a little caffeine yesterday and normally I stay far away from that stuff).
I woke this morning and dragged myself to real church instead of catching the podcast. I sat in church (or rather outside the sanctuary watching the screen, I am braver than ever but I still can't pay attention while sitting amongst hundreds of people) and felt great, although I seem to have tired myself out some.
After church I did another things I am notorious for not doing, I asked for help. I have had a broken washing machine in my tiny laundryroom for a little over a month. I have tried numerous times since it flooded to move it out but I am no longer the pinnacle of strength and ability I once was. There it sat until today. Finally tonight it sits on the curb waiting patiently for heavy trash day. All I was permitted by my helpers to carry (I am technically still on pretty strict lifting and exertion limitations ) was the cabinet facing for the machine.
I sit now, my house in okay order (i am learning slowly to accept okay over perfect), dishwasher splashing in the distance, watching the lights go by through my unpinned curtains and life is good. My hope is that someday very soon I can rejoin the workforce while finally going back to school this summer. It has been a source of anxiety, the prospect of being outside on a daily basis, but if everyday herafter can be even a portion as good as today I think I will be just fine.