Why can't there be a quick fix -.-

[Kellie]

I live in a flat with 4 other people, 1, I have known since the day I was born (godsister) 2 of them have known since I was 10/11 and the other one I met in feb, and I ended up messing around with him for a while before I moved in..

My flatmates had to save me from committing suicide the other day, they were incredible but I know that I cannot always count on them to get me out of that situation
So mum has been trying to get me to go back to her house for a week or so, Just so she can look after me.
The problem is that when I am away, I am permanently thinking about what they all could be saying about me, am I missing out on something, are the people who know my secrets spreading them to the rest of them? And I cannot get it out of my head, even when I m home in my room and people are upstairs in the lounge, I cannot, not try and listen to what they say.
I cannot be the first person to sleep, I am always the last to sleep just incase I miss out on something or I can be around to hear if anyone is talking about me,

I do understand that these people probably have way better things to talk about but I just can't get it out of my head..

I have to constantly deal with this 24/7 and I don't know how much longer I can deal with this..

[Kuma]

These folks are your good friends, so I doubt they have much reason to trash talk you. More likely, if anything, they are just concerned about your well being. And, besides, as you say, they have other things in their lives. You are not the only thing, or even the primary thing, they have to talk about.

You seem to know that you are imagining this stuff, so you have to discipline yourself not to jump to worst case scenarios.

And even if, hypothetically, they were talking about you, it really does not matter. It's not like having cancer or being unable to afford food to eat, or losing your limbs or getting in a car accident and being permanently disabled -- all things that happen to many good people every week. So try to keep it all in perspective.

By the way, it is really nice that your mom is there for you and wants you to come stay with her for a while. It is great to have supportive family members when you are going through a tough time. You are fortunate about that. I wish you all the best.

[jessed03]

I don't know, Kellie. When you think about it, we're just forms of matter stuck on a spinning planet. Our make-up means getting sick is sadly a huge likelihood. It certainly isn't fair, and certainly isn't easy. Being human is a curse in many ways. Some people try to justify this unfair suffering by saying it has a purpose, or passes on a lesson, or is temporary and something greater awaits. I don't know. I personally feel all you can do in life is focus on damage limitation. If you have more profound beliefs, then hopefully they bring you comfort, but I can fully understand if you view things as pessimistically as I do.

If you'd like to pray for strength or something, then that may be helpful for you. If not, when in such a dire way, you need to connect with your own inner power. I'm not saying you can just flip all of this on its head with positive thinking, but you can change your situation to an extent thanks to good ol' cause and effect.

I've rarely met a depressed/anxious person who was living an unattached life. That is to say, most sufferers are usually guilty of living in the wrong way - most of the time just because of innocent ignorance. They create a comfortable living environment for their dysfunction.

I don't know what you've done so far in an attempt to get better. I'm assuming you've tried some things and they haven't worked and that's why you feel at the end of your rope. Still, there's usually a trigger for most people. Some of the severest cases come from one or two trigger points.

If you haven't tried meds, they seem the most likely of things to take some of your current pain away. If you have, then I would begin to look inside, at your mind, but, perhaps in a different way. The mind can find itself living out dysfunctional ideas, and you never really know it's doing it.

I don't know whether self-esteem issues are something that adds fuel to your anxiety fire, or whether it's the feeling of hopelessness, or whether it's just frustration at your lack of control over the situation. Either way getting right down into the heart of your problem is likely going to be the only thing that produces any results.

If anything stands out at you, that's a start. If not, it's time to get deep in to your mind so you can start making some progress. Take the Cognitive Thinking Errors, for example. How is the state of your mind at this moment in time? When reading through the list of them (which you can find by Googling), how many are you committing on a regular basis?

[NixonRulz]

I live in a flat with 4 other people, 1, I have known since the day I was born (godsister) 2 of them have known since I was 10/11 and the other one I met in feb, and I ended up messing around with him for a while before I moved in..

My flatmates had to save me from committing suicide the other day, they were incredible but I know that I cannot always count on them to get me out of that situation
So mum has been trying to get me to go back to her house for a week or so, Just so she can look after me.
The problem is that when I am away, I am permanently thinking about what they all could be saying about me, am I missing out on something, are the people who know my secrets spreading them to the rest of them? And I cannot get it out of my head, even when I m home in my room and people are upstairs in the lounge, I cannot, not try and listen to what they say.
I cannot be the first person to sleep, I am always the last to sleep just incase I miss out on something or I can be around to hear if anyone is talking about me,

I do understand that these people probably have way better things to talk about but I just can't get it out of my head..

I have to constantly deal with this 24/7 and I don't know how much longer I can deal with this..

Kellie, Kellie, Kellie.

That is a song but not sure of the spelling of the name

Can I ask you a personal question? Okay, thanks

Do you smoke da weed, you know, reefrer, Mary Jane, wacky weed,

I ask because it seems like that would be a reaction of a bit of paranoia causes by blazing a dubie

If not, you are just overthinking things.

Anxiety produces obsessive thoughts and thinking your friends in the flat are talking about you would be in line with obsessing on something irrational

You are too young to let this anxiety shit get to you. You are catching this early and that is a blessing

You will get over this quickly

No more thoughts of suicide. Suicide is whack

You are entirely too awesome to leave before you have an affect on so many

[Kellie]

It's annoying because the more I seem to go get help and shit for my anxiety, the more depressed I get.
I don't have self image issues because I don't care to be honest, but I do care about what people think about me and I have always said that if I could have any super power it would be to read minds, not knowing is the thing that I struggle with, in anything in life and I am paranoid, if a guy rejects me, I continue to ask myself, why? and that has screwed me up alot.

I was on medication for a good year or so and then I stopped taking them because I felt like they weren't doing anything. I was then put on different ones after I tried taking my life, its too soon to see if there will be a difference.

As for smoking weed, I did up until I tried to take my life, my doctor said that I wasn't allowed to for the rest of my life, also drinking, and I know I shouldn't because it is a huge part of anxiety, especially the morning after. But that also brings alot of anxiety because I feel like a social outcast and I get left behind by all of my flatmates when they go out to get high or drunk and that's when I start to think that they talk about me. I am a very open person with those I am close to so my flatmates do know pretty much everything I am thinking, the thoughts I can comprehend anyway, and I tell them alot about my life so when they do go off without me, I can't get it out of my mind that they are gossiping about me.. It's so annoying.

I do know a lot about what I have to do to reduce my anxiety but I just haven't worked out how.. I don't know. I am just over it.

Thankyou all for your responses <3

[Im-Suffering]

We are always showing you the way out - the light at the end of the tunnel because we know the greatness inside you, who you really are.


It's annoying because the more I seem to go get help and shit for my anxiety, the more depressed I get.
I don't have self image issues because I don't care to be honest, but I do care about what people think about me and I have always said that if I could have any super power it would be to read minds, not knowing is the thing that I struggle with, in anything in life and I am paranoid, if a guy rejects me, I continue to ask myself, why? and that has screwed me up alot.

I was on medication for a good year or so and then I stopped taking them because I felt like they weren't doing anything. I was then put on different ones after I tried taking my life, its too soon to see if there will be a difference.

As for smoking weed, I did up until I tried to take my life, my doctor said that I wasn't allowed to for the rest of my life, also drinking, and I know I shouldn't because it is a huge part of anxiety, especially the morning after. But that also brings alot of anxiety because I feel like a social outcast and I get left behind by all of my flatmates when they go out to get high or drunk and that's when I start to think that they talk about me. I am a very open person with those I am close to so my flatmates do know pretty much everything I am thinking, the thoughts I can comprehend anyway, and I tell them alot about my life so when they do go off without me, I can't get it out of my mind that they are gossiping about me.. It's so annoying.

I do know a lot about what I have to do to reduce my anxiety but I just haven't worked out how.. I don't know. I am just over it.

Thankyou all for your responses <3

Hello, again, Kellie.

Why such sad eyes in your picture? You have been unhappy for a very long time.

From 4/8/2013 : (2 years ago, may as well be today. same thoughts)

"So in the past few months i have been having this fear where i feel like my friends are constantly talking about me or i get the feeling they don't want me there, i feel like that they are only my friends because they feel sorry for me. I have had the same group of friends for years now and i only started feeling this for a lil while, but i cannot get it off my mind and i feel like my family and friends are always talking to each other about me when i aren't around.. Its kind of like a hallucination but not.. Hard to explain, does anybody else get this"

4/7/2013 2nd post (just joined) :

"anxiety has taken over my life and i didn't even know what anxiety was till the end of last year. I was always bullied by my family to harden up and they didn't get what i was going through.. It's the worst and Its like every time i wake up its a disappointment because i then know that i have to deal with all the pain and brokeness, i haven't quite got the hang of this yet but i'd like to talk to some of you"

"Everytime i wake up its a disappointment" - Very powerful words. (that come from unfaced abuse)

Would you like to talk about the abuse in your life? Was it physical (violent), emotional (cruelty), or sexual (rape) ? Your dad is an alcoholic, what is that relationship like? We know you feel you are stuck on this tiny island, literally, with seemingly no way out.

We (I + my channels) have written many notes to you. But we would like it, if you stopped considering suicide as a way out. You have a body, and a mind to use - to travel to new places, meet new people, meet your special soul mate, even get out of NZ completely. Because of dads influence, you dont seek companionship with people who are good for you, rather those that hurt you, tear you down, that do drugs and drink to excess, and because this was dads example, you believe this is all you are worth.

You have to heal from the abuse. Then you will drop these people and move on to the special friends who are waiting for you to get yourself together. Yes, you will meet new, special, best friends, soul mates, that will bring unimaginable joy and fulfillment beyond your wildest desires. You wont have to wonder what they think of you, they will show you, include you, honor and respect you.

We want you to understand that you are not stuck with your current life for much longer, not in the sense of suicide, but personal growth and moving on to a much better existance. You can leave all of this behind, the childhood friends (who are not good for you), the parents (who abused you), and everyone else including your town, city, country. Even with a million miles of ocean out there, there is still a place called happiness, youve got to find it. At all cost, no matter where it is. Even if it is America.

You cannot release and heal the emotions from abuse if you are still surrounded by abusers that feed off of your negative energy like a parasite and drain you of your own good constructive energies. Keeping you down and almost out, all of the time.

Now, I cannot fly to NZ and drag you out - but get out you must. Up and onward- out and about, away and anew, washed and cleansed of all the shock and trauma. If you are still in it - you cannot see the light. And we know you want to live, you dream about it. What you will do, who you will marry, children of your own, health, wealth, beauty, enrichment - None of this will come from your current surroundings, so called friends, or conditioning from the abuser.

We do not tell you this to throw you into further despair where you become more stuck and helpless. But to empower you to live, to FEEL LIFE, to WANT TO FEEL LOVE, to make PLANS to GET OUT, so that when we speak again in another 2 years, your life will be your own, loving and happy.

What will your story be Kellie? Choose the fairytale ending. And stop thinking about suicide, that is not what you think it is, there is no fairytale there. Your soul mates (that you have yet to meet) are HERE, on earth, waiting for you.

If you want more from me, PM. If you want a rock to lean on during hard decisions, PM, If you want to bounce ideas around, PM.

Take a happy picture, smile more, lets see a little sparkle in those beautiful eyes.

Sincerely,

Your unseen friends