New to this-- New to anxiety?

[bunnyx14]

Hi... this is my first time posting on a forum and I'm not exactly sure how it works so I'm just going to post what I'm feeling / I have been feeling and hope that someone has some advice. I don't know if this information is needed but I'm a 21 year old girl, in college, I don't have any previous medical issues, I take birth control but that's the only medication I'm on, I'm moderately active, my father suffers from agoraphobia and panic/anxiety related issues.

I have not been diagnosed with anxiety so I'm not entirely sure I have anxiety but I have had occurrences of what I think are panic attacks within the past 6 months.

This sounds pretty dumb but, after a friend's pet rabbit died I started obsessing over the thought of death and dying and what's going to happen in my life. This wasn't the first experience I have had with death and pets/family/people dying so I'm not really sure why this affected me so much.

But, this really triggered the first panic attack I ever had. I was meant to be driving back to college on a Saturday to re-start classes on a Monday after Christmas break. But I couldn't sleep the night before because I was obsessing over what is going to happen when I die and why we have to die and so many other disturbing thoughts. I finally exhausted myself and fell asleep at 4 am. I was up at 8 am the next day and I was so irritable I started bawling my eyes out and my mother refused to let me drive back to college. She made sure I was calm throughout the day and let me just cry my eyes out for the whole day and relax and take naps until I felt better. The next day she drove me back herself and I felt fine after that.

But since then I have still had thoughts about dying laying in the back of my mind and constantly creeping into my thoughts on a daily basis.

The next panic attack I experienced was when I was driving back to my dorm room in college from spending a night out with a friend. I had the windows open in my car and it started to make my ears feel and sound funny-- it sounded like wind was rushing by in small bursts which made my ears ring. So I rolled up the windows in the car but that made me feel trapped. Then I started to breathe really shallowly and I thought I was going to drive off the road and die because I was hyperventilating. I took deep breaths and told myself to calm down that I wasn't going to veer off the road and die. I made it back safely and just sat in my car and cried for a good hour before I could bring myself to walk to my room and lay down to try to go to sleep (I didn't get much sleep that night).

The most recent anxiety/panic situation I have had was when I laid down to go to bed about 5 days ago and I panicked that I wasn't breathing. I couldn't feel my breath entering my body and my throat and mouth felt dry and itchy and I kept getting up to go the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror and make sure I was okay. I kept yawning to make myself feel like I had breath in my lungs, and of course I did because I'm sitting here typing this now. I called my boyfriend, we're in a LDR because of college, and had him get on skype and talk to me until I was ready to fall asleep. This seemed to help, but to inconvenience him and make him stay up with me isn't fair and I don't want to always fall back on him to make things better for me.

I take birth control pills and my mom has suggested that I take some time away from them to see if it helps with my feelings, but I don't think this is a side effect? I'm scheduled to see my doctor about this in about 2 weeks but I would really like some help sooner... I don't want to have to deal with these feelings for 2 more weeks before I maybe get an answer.

Anyways, as of right now I feel anxious all the time. I panic over the fact that my ears feel like they're plugged with cotton or something constantly, even though I can pop them and I know that they're fine. I obsess over my breathing and I have to make sure when I go to fall asleep that I'm breathing otherwise I feel like I'm going to forget how to breathe and die. I hate this feeling and I really want it to go away.

Since I've come home from college for the summer I haven't felt tired (I have to force myself to fall asleep by staring at youtube videos on my laptop until I fall asleep by some miracle), and I don't feel hungry at all (I have to tell myself I know I need food in order to function so I force myself to eat, I eat just fine I just don't feel hungry before I do eat).

I have read a ton of things online about anxiety over the past 6 months and they all contradict each other: some say to distract yourself, others say that distracting yourself is wrong and you need to accept yourself as you are. But how do I do this?

Do I even have anxiety? Is this normal? Does anyone else feel this way? What can I do to help this?

[NixonRulz]

Distract yourself. No, don't distract yourself. ��

Funny how we fear death. We fear something that just may be the most beautiful thing that ever happens to us

You, me and all the others here and everywhere will kick the bucket at some point

Tomorrow is no guarantee

You seem to have health anxiety. Why I don't know but that seems like where the wheel stopped spinning with you

Distracting yourself can help with the symptoms but getting to the root cause is the key



I, too had suffered for many years from the same shit. It sucks

[bunnyx14]

It's very strange how we fear something that's going to happen to all of us. And I, on days I'm not feeling like I'm going crazy, find it ironic how the death of a pet that wasn't even mine sparked it.

I think since I obsess over my health so much I may try to become more active this summer to try to trick my brain into thinking I'm getting healthier, and thus getting better.

Maybe my in-activeness and self image sparks my anxiety?

Thank you for taking your time to read and reply to me, it really does help calm me down

[Im-Suffering]

This is our first meeting, and so I will just get right to it with a message.


It's very strange how we fear something that's going to happen to all of us. And I, on days I'm not feeling like I'm going crazy, find it ironic how the death of a pet that wasn't even mine sparked it.

I think since I obsess over my health so much I may try to become more active this summer to try to trick my brain into thinking I'm getting healthier, and thus getting better.

Maybe my in-activeness and self image sparks my anxiety?

Thank you for taking your time to read and reply to me, it really does help calm me down

It's not that you fear death, it's that you fear life.

You must live it. And so intuitively your decision to face and live (become active in your terms) is highly symbolic. You are determined to enjoy the life that you have, regardless of the example dad set.

And yes, that conditioning had its effects throughout your young life. Dad is the role model, you understand? Not only in relationships, but the ideal as far as world views and beliefs.

His beliefs are fearful, as are his value judgments. it's time to take a good look at what those are, and find your own self, your own direction loosened from any 'mental' restrictions.

Understanding the effects those fears had on your own psyche can allow you to think them through, and release them (false beliefs). If a belief or value judgment about self or the world does not feel good, it is meant to be released, dad has not learned this yet. So the fear has trapped him, and those clutches reach out and touch all family members.

You often wonder what dad's life could be, without anxiety. And if you yourself will contract this affliction, which has raised fears in you, and is the incipient reason for the physical symptoms and thoughts. You are simply acting out in those moments of stress that which is in your mind, suppressed.

The rabbit was again symbolic of the need to face life, to get out and live it. In the face of death, one learns the value of life.

And the errors in thought that stand in the way of living it (agoraphobia for example).

That is the message.

[bunnyx14]

Thank you so much. I think this is what I really needed to hear lately.