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dont_worry
05-01-2015, 05:59 PM
I wanted to post this to offer hope to anyone out there is struggling, as I once did, with depression and anxiety. There was a time I couldn't leave the house for utter terror of crumbling on the pavement a in panic attack.

I won't dwell on my own story - I want to focus on trying to help. I'm no messiah or sage, or doctor - just someone who's been through this sort of thing and come out of the other side.

Here are some points, in no particular order:

1) Self love IS the answer to all your problems. I cannot emphasise that enough. I realised that the primary love must be for oneself. It has been said by many eminent philosophers that the best thing you can do for the world is to love yourself. From such a position you act through unfiltered love and compassion - towards others, and towards yourself. Study a part of your body; remember what it's like to have that childlike amazement that this thing - be it your arm, your toe, whatever - does what it does. It's so complex, so amazing, and it does it all in the service of YOU. See yourself this way and you cannot hate or hurt yourself. Realise that whatever has happened to you in relationships with others, pales in comparison to the importance of love for yourself. If you look around you will see so many people - happy with the one they love, unhappy because they're not - who are really seeking themselves. They just don't realise this.

2) Forgive yourself your perceived shortcomings (though these shortcomings are just fictions of the ego - see #3). You ARE - period. Not you are "something" - you just ARE. You exist. You have the opportunity of love and joy. Find amazement in that fact - a fact modern life does not reinforce. We are all used to being something, not just being. Those somethings that you consider yourself to be are just added, superficial layers.

3) Realise that you may have been living in the past, future, or both. Neither is the source of happiness. The past is gone, and has no power over you other than that which you afford it by keeping it alive in your mind. The future is a fiction that may never happen as you predict it. All you have in the world is you, and THIS moment. Practise mindfulness - a form of meditation to keep you in the now. This is fantastic for waking you up to real JOY - not pleasure (the two are not related), but real joy. There is no limit to the ways you can do this. Sit in the park and stare at a tree. Wonder at the trillions of atoms that make up your dining table, and how they hold together. This may sound stupid, but mindfulness keeps you in the now, which is all you have.

4) Realise you have an ego - that primal part of you whose ONLY consideration is survival, and to that end, the false sense of SELF. The ego is responsible for your fears, for your lack of confidence, for your unworthy attribution of importance to what others think - etc etc. It knows nothing of love. It is an outmoded mechanism that was useful when your ancestors had to run from big, angry creatures - less so in 2015.

5) Realise that modern culture and much of society is built around the sustainment of FEAR - ergo, keeping you scared. In this way, your ego is constantly kept supplied with ammunition. Ask yourself why every film trailer or poster you ever see has someone pointing a gun at someone on it, or why people love horror films, or why trashy magazines exist that feed like vultures on celebrities' disastrous love lives. Or why sport has been transformed to the level of vitriolic, mock hatred between fans of opposing teams.

6) If you don't already, EXERCISE. And I'm talking cardio (i.e. heart-rate-increasing) exercise rather than strength training e.g. weights. I always liken exercise to being like making love to yourself. It is a love story from you, to you, about you. Not only do you get fit, you also release endorphins - commonly known as the happy hormone. In my case, it was swimming and diving. I remember being anxious to the point of fainting, for no good reason, and dragging myself out of the house to go diving at my local pool. I hated every minute of the journey. But let me tell you, it is pretty much impossible to be anxious or depressed when you are in the primal throes of exertion and excitement as you jump off a five metre diving board and find yourself hurtling towards the water.

7) Exercise. Yes, that was point 6, but it's so vital that it's also point 7. Don't think about doing it - DO it. Your ego is your mind, and also the cause of your fears. So if you ask your mind whether you should do exercise, don't be surprised if the answer is no. Remember the ego is drunk on the concept of its own survival; it will not, therefore, vote for doing something that weakens it. You have legs; get yourself to the pool, or to the running track - whatever it is you choose.

8) Throw yourself into music. Around the time I was really bad I discovered kundalini yoga, which is amazing in itself, but even more so if don't to the right music. I am a house/electronic music obsessive, and there is a LOT of very spiritual music in that genre that, for me at least, is very conducive to getting in touch with your true self, i.e. away from your egoic self. Try, as an example, CD1 of Guy J's 1000 Words. Sit yourself in darkened room, with one of these playing, with no other distractions. You might be surprised as how you feel.

9) Get rid of caffeine. You don't need it, and it isn't your friend as far as anxiety is concerned. Society has made it trendy and I've met lots of people who like to pretend they can't function without it. Your new friend is - for example - rooibos tea.

10) Related to point 5, remove yourself from any routine or activity that is built around FEAR. And by fear I don't just mean you being scared, but I mean more generally - negativity. Quit the horror films, the Jerry Springer-esq shows pretending to help troubled people but really just hauling them up as circus freaks. In fact, don't read the news! I've had some interesting conversations with friends around the theme of "why do you read the news"? "To know what's going on," they'll say. They read about murders, kidnappings, terrorism - etc. "But what do you gain from it, other than to reinforce prejudices and feed your fears?" That normally ends the conversations. If you're at a computer and loose on time there is no shortage of joyous stuff to read and watch. A friend sent me a YouTube vid of a dog on a trampoline the other day. I forget what I was doing at the time - it stopped seeming important. I just enjoyed watching the manifestation of joy.

This extends to all parts of your life. Diet, for example. Go vegan. Seriously. Otherwise, how can you hope to live through love and compassion if you are causing animals to violently lose their lives for yours? Instead, you have the option to live in such a way as to be in harmony with nature, not its aggressor.

11) Speaking of dogs, engage with animals. They remind us how to live ego-less, as our true selves, with no concern for what others think of us, for how we appear, for the past or the future. Animals are now, and now only - that is their only focus.

12) Treat medication and anti-anxiety products with extreme caution. Yes there are meds out there that can take the sting out of anxiety, but they are not the answer to your problem. They will, at best, merely make it easier to get through the day. You may decide that alone is benefit enough. But in the same way that paracetamol numbs the pain but does not address the cause of the pain, these will not address the cause of your anxiety. The answer is within you, but you have to want to accept yourself and implement some changes, like some of those I've tried to outline.

13) Google "Pale Blue Dot" - a famous image of the earth taken from the far reaches of the solar system. Look pretty small, don't we? And that's a relatively close-up picture - it was taken from within our solar system. In the infinite expanse of the universe, we're as small as it gets. Suddenly, your concerns and fears don't seem that important. If I were prime minister I'd hang this picture in every school classroom rule as a reminder of humbleness and humility, and most of all, as a reminder that what you think matters does not.

14) Laugh! For goodness' sake, laugh. To quote the poet Pablo Neruda, laughter is the language of the soul. In other words, it's up there with exercise and presentness in being something totally foreign to the ego. Ergo, it is powerful in countering the ego. Buy comedy DVDs, read humourous books - hell, amuse yourSELF. If you can make laughter, cardio exercise, being present and acceptance daily facets of your day, you will very quickly see changes.

15) Accept your current situation. Stop labeling it as unideal, and instead projecting yourself to an idealised future where everything will be as you want it. The here and now is ALL you have, all you've ever had. It is beautiful. If you stay present to the here and now - and not in the egoic domains of the past and future - you will find true beauty. Mindfulness is a great meditative exercise to promote this - try it. Sit in a park and stare at a tree. Sound weird? But you want to feel better, right?

16) Finally... love IS the answer. It really is. Make it your daily focus, in all areas of your love. Love and joy are the only worthwhile achievements in life. Abandon grudges held against people from the past, jealousies and suspicions of people in the present. Abandon minor gripes and disgruntlement - none of it's worth it, and it just saps your energy. Accept things are they are, or at least those things you cannot change. Like other people, for one thing.

This has been written very ad-hoc, and I have no idea how it will come across. But I did my best! Good luck, wherever you are.

Kuma
05-01-2015, 09:26 PM
Some good thoughts here (though I will never give up coffee!) Thanks. Tell us some more about your background, so we can understand how you came to these conclusions.

gypsylee
05-01-2015, 10:37 PM
This is a very good post, thank you. I especially agree with number 5.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

dont_worry
05-03-2015, 07:53 AM
Thanks, both.

As for my story, I caught flu on a London tube train as it was held in a tunnel. It was really hot weather and jam-packed with people. I almost passed out and that was enough to instill in me a terror of passing out. And so began panic attacks.

I was bound to my flat for several weeks. My family tried to help me to the local doctor's surgery and I remember thinking I was literally going to have a heart attack. My chest felt like it would explode.

I soon realised the only answer was within me. I read a lot of stuff along the lines of Eckhart Tolle, Burt Harding and other teachers whose central points are that a) there is only now; b) happiness is a daily choice. This is a rewording of the famous Buddha quote that "there is no way to happiness; happiness is the way."

gypsylee
05-03-2015, 08:20 AM
Thanks, both.

As for my story, I caught flu on a London tube train as it was held in a tunnel. It was really hot weather and jam-packed with people. I almost passed out and that was enough to instill in me a terror of passing out. And so began panic attacks.

I was bound to my flat for several weeks. My family tried to help me to the local doctor's surgery and I remember thinking I was literally going to have a heart attack. My chest felt like it would explode.

I soon realised the only answer was within me. I read a lot of stuff along the lines of Eckhart Tolle, Burt Harding and other teachers whose central points are that a) there is only now; b) happiness is a daily choice. This is a rewording of the famous Buddha quote that "there is no way to happiness; happiness is the way."

You seem very wise. Do you have to keep reminding yourself of these things? I mean, I've read a lot of that stuff too but I struggle so much to actually live like that. I wish there was a way to get it through my head once and for all :) Any advice?

dont_worry
05-03-2015, 10:24 AM
You're very kind - thank you.

I understand completely what you mean re: getting it through your head.

The problem is, the language of love and compassion is not one your head - i.e. ego - understands. The mistake is to view these things as academic concepts, as states to be ATTAINED; they are not - they are states you can assume right now. Your ego will tell you you can't, and that you need practise, that it is for other, wiser people etc. Essentially, it will talk you out of it.

The Buddha was bang on when he said there was no way to happiness, and that, in fact, happiness was the way. It is not a state to attain. It means accepting your current situation as what IS, and not deferring your happiness to a future time when "things will be better." The ego lives in the past and the future - ANYTHING but the here and now, because the here and now, in the ego's view, is never quite as it should be.

But it is.

Once you learn the tired, repetetive tricks of the ego you don't have to remind yourself of this stuff, no. It becomes your default state. And I'm no different from you.

P.S. there are many things you can do to assume love and compassion. It covers all parts of your life - what you do for exercise; what you read and watch on TV; what you eat. Vegetarianism - or even veganism - for example, is more or less an obligation if you wish to live through love and compassion. Otherwise, how to reconcile any supposed love with the fact you cause animals to lose their lives for yours?

Kuma
05-03-2015, 10:39 AM
The issue of vegetarianism is an interesting one. Some people believe that edible animals exist, in part, for the purpose of being eaten by humans. That is, of course, a very "human-centric" view of the world. But it is at least possible that this is true. (After all, we don't know for sure why animals exist -- or for that matter why anything else exists). And if it is true that edible animals exist in part for the purpose of being eaten, then we are just doing what "is meant to be done" by eating them. Now I suppose you probably do not believe that animals exist in part to be eaten by humans. And I respect that view. But there is an alternative view as well. And for those who believe in the Judeo Christian bible (I am NOT advocating here any such belief -- just using it as an example) eating animals seems like it was acceptable to God, since he took time to point out which ones could be eaten and which ones could not. Again, I am not suggesting that anyone should be believe in the Bible nor am I suggesting that animals should be eaten. Just saying there are different ways to look at these things and I think it is possible for a human to be happy and at peace with herself and also eat chicken (or whatever).

dont_worry
05-03-2015, 10:53 AM
Of course there are different views - you're quite right. I am merely presenting mine as it forms a crucial part of what I believe helped me through very difficult episodes.

As an atheist, I am pretty much deaf to anyone who defers their sense of morality to that written in a highly spurious book. But this is no place for debate on religious beliefs, of course. By all means have those beliefs, but belief, of course, is what you have in the absense of fact ;-)

I feel confident that, assuming responsibility for one's own morality, and living from a standpoint of love, it would be very difficult to such a person to continue to justify taking away life so frivolously.

gypsylee
05-03-2015, 10:56 AM
You're very kind - thank you.

I understand completely what you mean re: getting it through your head.

The problem is, the language of love and compassion is not one your head - i.e. ego - understands. The mistake is to view these things as academic concepts, as states to be ATTAINED; they are not - they are states you can assume right now. Your ego will tell you you can't, and that you need practise, that it is for other, wiser people etc. Essentially, it will talk you out of it.

The Buddha was bang on when he said there was no way to happiness, and that, in fact, happiness was the way. It is not a state to attain. It means accepting your current situation as what IS, and not deferring your happiness to a future time when "things will be better." The ego lives in the past and the future - ANYTHING but the here and now, because the here and now, in the ego's view, is never quite as it should be.

But it is.

Once you learn the tired, repetetive tricks of the ego you don't have to remind yourself of this stuff, no. It becomes your default state. And I'm no different from you.

P.S. there are many things you can do to assume love and compassion. It covers all parts of your life - what you do for exercise; what you read and watch on TV; what you eat. Vegetarianism - or even veganism - for example, is more or less an obligation if you wish to live through love and compassion. Otherwise, how to reconcile any supposed love with the fact you cause animals to lose their lives for yours?

Do you think some people have a harder time with their ego than others though? I feel like mine is really stubborn or something..

dont_worry
05-03-2015, 11:13 AM
Definitely, but then it can be a viscious cycle; we develop an egoic notion of wanting to be free of ego, but as long as it's an egoic notion, of course it never happens! The ego won't destroy itself - or as Burt Harding (Google him - helped me a lot) put it, that which asks the question cannot also answer it.

Kuma
05-03-2015, 11:22 AM
As an atheist, I am pretty much deaf to anyone who defers their sense of morality to that written in a highly spurious book. But this is no place for debate on religious beliefs, of course. By all means have those beliefs, but belief, of course, is what you have in the absense of fact ;-)

Well, the atheists think religion is bullshit, and the religious people think atheism is bullshit. And each side is very confident that they are right and quite dismissive of those who disagree with them. So, for example, you say the bible is spurious. But then the religious people say Madalyn Murray O'Hair is spurious. You dismiss "belief" as "what you have in the absence (or, as you say, absense) of fact." And I suppose that is right (or at least the absence of dispositive facts), but it is equally true of atheism.

I think the world would be a better place if atheists, and religious people, were a little less dogmatic and a little more humble -- each recognizing that "just because you are confident does not mean that you are right." The love that you speak of cannot truly be achieved while dismissing or ridiculing the beliefs of others.


I feel confident that, assuming responsibility for one's own morality, and living from a standpoint of love, it would be very difficult to such a person to continue to justify taking away life so frivolously.

Yes you are "confident" in this belief. But others -- no less smart, thoughtful or principled than you -- are confident of their own different beliefs. They do not see eating animals as "taking away life so frivolously." Instead, they see eating animals as "just doing what is meant to be done" (or carrying out God's will or just eating something yummy).

A part of true love is striving to see past your own beliefs and prejudices, seeking to understand the views of those with whom you disagree, and not ridiculing them or their beliefs. You say you are "pretty much deaf" to people with whom you disagree. That is too bad. (As it would be if they were "pretty much deaf" to you). Maybe you and the religious people should open up your ears, and your minds and your hearts and listen to each other, with mutual respect.

dont_worry
05-03-2015, 11:28 AM
I wouldn't say I ridiculed anyone's belief. You brought up the bible - I simply responded. Needless to say I disagree with pretty much every point you just made, but as I said, this is no place for a dogmatic debate, far less one in which you might believe your position is enhanced by drawing attention to a spelling error on my part.

Peace out.

gypsylee
05-03-2015, 11:34 AM
Definitely, but then it can be a viscious cycle; we develop an egoic notion of wanting to be free of ego, but as long as it's an egoic notion, of course it never happens! The ego won't destroy itself - or as Burt Harding (Google him - helped me a lot) put it, that which asks the question cannot also answer it.

Okay thanks. I've read Eckhart Tolle but not Burt Harding.

Goomba
05-03-2015, 12:07 PM
Gypsy,

It's important to remember that the ego is a concept. A way to understand the self. The ego is not separate from you, and in that respect, you certainly do not want to kill it.

Your ego is, at it's core, is the way you make sense of, and operate within your reality. The idea is to grow/transform the ego. If you are fighting, it will always seem stubborn. This is because you are fighting a part of yourself, without owning/recognizing that part of yourself. In other words, instead of trying to grow the self through insight, it becomes attempting to eliminate the self through fear. And, when the ladder happens, you fight back (not wanting to die) inducing anxiety, more fear, panic, etc.

If you kill the ego, you cease to operate on a physical level.

So, when people say that they have beaten/killed/grown past their ego, it is a misunderstanding. They have either built up more defenses to protect them from that part of their self, or they have matured the ego to a point where they are able to look beyond it without it fighting back.

Anyways, since you are constantly care taking your mother - or at least have a lot of issues there - you have a "stubborn" struggle with way you are operating in reality. Trying to grow, but being held back by a lifetime of what mom has instilled in you. I mean no disrespect. I think that is a lot of where your ego battle is coming from.

Goomba
05-03-2015, 12:24 PM
Heated debate aside -

Kuma's last two paragraphs are essential to progress.

The entirety of this thread was a good read to wake up to. Good stuff.



The love that you speak of cannot truly be achieved while dismissing or ridiculing the beliefs of others. Yes you are "confident" in this belief. But others -- no less smart, thoughtful or principled than you -- are confident of their own different beliefs. They do not see eating animals as "taking away life so frivolously." Instead, they see eating animals as "just doing what is meant to be done" (or carrying out God's will or just eating something yummy). A part of true love is striving to see past your own beliefs and prejudices, seeking to understand the views of those with whom you disagree, and not ridiculing them or their beliefs. You say you are "pretty much deaf" to people with whom you disagree. That is too bad. (As it would be if they were "pretty much deaf" to you). Maybe you and the religious people should open up your ears, and your minds and your hearts and listen to each other, with mutual respect.

jessed03
05-03-2015, 01:20 PM
Kuma writes some great stuff, but I dunno, I just can't seem to take any of it seriously. I can only really listen to someone's advice when they say, "THIS WILL CURE YOU!!! 100% Guaranteed! BEST ADVICE EVER!!! YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW IT" ;)

Jokes aside, thanks for coming to share your insights, OP. Many of the points you made were things I used myself to get into a better place. Sadly I did have to give up caffeine like yourself. It just made my head spin, which was depressing!

Goomba
05-03-2015, 01:37 PM
Kuma writes some great stuff, but I dunno, I just can't seem to take any of it seriously. I can only really listen to someone's advice when they say, "THIS WILL CURE YOU!!! 100% Guaranteed! BEST ADVICE EVER!!! YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW IT" ;) Jokes aside, thanks for coming to share your insights, OP. Many of the points you made were things I used myself to get into a better place. Sadly I did have to give up caffeine like yourself. It just made my head spin, which was depressing!

Lolol

I think there are two big approaches to tackling anxiety.

Alleviation through logical and practical means - medicine, therapeutic techniques, bringing the body back to balance, etc. <---"THIS WILL CURE YOU, IDIOT" My opinion is that these techniques are often effective short term, but are prone to relapse.

And then there is an approach that is more spiritual in terms of recognizing the true self, embracing love, pursuing dreams, recognizing your place in the universe, challenging beliefs, etc.

I personally enjoy the second approach because it challenges you to keep growing as an individual, however, the results often arent as black and white as the first approach, which can cause more anxiety, and be confusing.

But, I think the best approach is a balance between the two.

jessed03
05-03-2015, 01:50 PM
Lolol

I think there are two big approaches to tackling anxiety.

Alleviation through logical and practical means - medicine, therapeutic techniques, bringing the body back to balance, etc. <---"THIS WILL CURE YOU, IDIOT" My opinion is that these techniques are often effective short term, but are prone to relapse.

And then there is an approach that is more spiritual in terms of recognizing the true self, embracing love, pursuing dreams, recognizing your place in the universe, challenging beliefs, etc.

I personally enjoy the second approach because it challenges you to keep growing as an individual, however, the results often arent as black and white as the first approach, which can cause more anxiety, and be confusing.

But, I think the best approach is a balance between the two.

Completely agree. At least, from the experiences I've had, that's how I see it

Im-Suffering
05-03-2015, 02:28 PM
Devoid of false value judgments, one can feel emptiness.

Fear thrives in that (empty) space. The seat of anxiety.

This is why it is so difficult for everyone.

gypsylee
05-03-2015, 09:40 PM
Gypsy,

It's important to remember that the ego is a concept. A way to understand the self. The ego is not separate from you, and in that respect, you certainly do not want to kill it.

Your ego is, at it's core, is the way you make sense of, and operate within your reality. The idea is to grow/transform the ego. If you are fighting, it will always seem stubborn. This is because you are fighting a part of yourself, without owning/recognizing that part of yourself. In other words, instead of trying to grow the self through insight, it becomes attempting to eliminate the self through fear. And, when the ladder happens, you fight back (not wanting to die) inducing anxiety, more fear, panic, etc.

If you kill the ego, you cease to operate on a physical level.

So, when people say that they have beaten/killed/grown past their ego, it is a misunderstanding. They have either built up more defenses to protect them from that part of their self, or they have matured the ego to a point where they are able to look beyond it without it fighting back.

Anyways, since you are constantly care taking your mother - or at least have a lot of issues there - you have a "stubborn" struggle with way you are operating in reality. Trying to grow, but being held back by a lifetime of what mom has instilled in you. I mean no disrespect. I think that is a lot of where your ego battle is coming from.

Thanks Goomba.

The thing with taking care of my mother is like living with the stubborn ego literally! Last year I was reading all the Eckhart Tolle/Buddhist stuff and then I had to start looking after mum in December. It's like the universe threw in a nice big challenge there..

Edit: I often think I will only have peace once mum is gone.

Some great insight from you guys, thank you :)

Im-Suffering
05-04-2015, 06:21 AM
Edit: I often think I will only have peace once mum is gone

.

No. It will be thrice as difficult, with regret, remorse, blame, and an empty pit if you don't make your peace before she moves on.

"Why was I not able to earn your love?" (all I ever wanted was confirmation, validation, consideration). The kind of love that nurtures, embraces, heals, warms, replenishes, secures, comforts. The kind of love a mother is supposed to have.

You must ask many questions, and get to the answers at all costs.

You will know you have accomplished that when you no longer need to vent, feel angry, or even the slightest bit hateful, you don't blame her anymore, and stress is gone (associated with her).

Release all of these things now, and forgive her. Then when she passes on you will grieve "naturally", with no ill will or regret, repression, and move on with life with a degree of joy and fulfillment given that relationship. Speaking highly of her, in future conversations, "this was my mom".

You're doing this for you. This is the main reason you are even here on these boards - to heal in a sense the family traumas and shared experiences that were such a shock to the system. (of everyone).

The reading of Tolle and other material, was to soften your exterior (open the heart) just enough to get you ready for what was to come (healing work) - certainly there are challenges, which are catalysts to begin this work described in this post. He, has a great influence in moving this along- he, wants you to work it out - because you have plenty of life left to live.

dont_worry
05-04-2015, 06:25 AM
Im-Suffering is quite right.

Though I would suggest that there is nothing to forgive. Forgiveness is a concept routed in the past, where, along with the future, our ego thrives most. If you can make the present moment - no matter whether you consider it ideal or not; don't label it - your daily focus, you see there is nothing to forgive. Other past-based concepts such as guilt, bitterness etc also become redundant when you live in the here and now, not in the past.

Good luck.

gypsylee
05-04-2015, 07:32 AM
Thanks both of you :)

I watched some Burt Harding videos on YouTube just before. Then I lay down because I felt tired and ended up having a bit of an anxiety attack! I mean I liked what he was saying but then I always get millions of questions pop up in my mind with this sort of thing. Then I think "OMG I'll never get the hang of this!" and so on..

dont_worry
05-04-2015, 08:03 AM
Yeah I know what you mean. I used to have the same response. It's the ego's initial response to go "oh, sure, SOUNDS great but it's for other people, not me." I believe the first step is to accept your current situation, without labels or thoughts of a better future - just accept what IS now. I found that only then did I start being receptive to the stuff Burt and co were saying. Acceptance is the gateway to it all.

The crucial thing about acceptance is it makes sense only when things are not how you would want them. It's easy to go "I'll accept things later, when everything's fine." Of course, by then, there's nothing to have to accept!

gypsylee
05-04-2015, 08:11 AM
Okay I can do that I think :)

namaste87
05-05-2015, 10:14 AM
Hi! yesterday when you (dont_worry) wrote about self love in my thread about health anxiety, I really didn't know how that would help me. Then I sat down with my journal and wrote. And I realised that I do love some parts of me, but some parts I seriosly despise. I hate them and I wan't them to go away. And one of the main reasons I belive is that I think that other people despise me for it and eventually will abandon me. The parts I hate are my anxiety, my fear, my worry, my uncertainty. And I think it was a big step for me to realise that. Off course I still want to get rid of all my negative and difficult emotions but it's stressing me a little less to know that I wan't them to go away because I belive that otherwise I will be abandoned by the people I love. I think it like.. peeled of one layer of the pain.

And also acceptance... And that has to do with self love to...
The hardest part is to accept that I don't know how this all will turn out. It's impossible to know that now.

Thank you so much for your advice <3

namaste87
05-05-2015, 10:16 AM
believe the first step is to accept your current situation, without labels or thoughts of a better future - just accept what IS now. !

that sure is tricky (and important)!!! to realise that those thoughts of a brighter future just is another piece of the worrying-puzzle...

Im-Suffering
05-05-2015, 10:24 AM
"I belive that otherwise I will be abandoned by the people I love"

Yes, epiphany ! Good work.

You are chipping away at the validity of your belief systems. Each 'chip' unearths the 'real' you, without all the crap.

Excellent ! Mark this day as a turning point. And use the same 'inquisitiveness' to lead you into other areas that were previously hidden. Acceptance, allows you to let go (loosen the mental rigidity) just enough to reveal insight.

I am proud of you (and 'dont_worry'). Continue the work, and if you need help, just chime in.

gypsylee
05-05-2015, 09:55 PM
Guys, I've decided to find a psychologist/psychiatrist to specifically talk to about mum. My dad's coming today and while I was getting ready I could feel this mountain of stuff inside me I want to say about her ready to come out. So I figure, why not talk to a professional?

:)

namaste87
05-06-2015, 11:32 AM
Im-suffering: thank you :) :)

Im-Suffering
05-06-2015, 11:57 AM
Guys, I've decided to find a psychologist/psychiatrist to specifically talk to about mum. My dad's coming today and while I was getting ready I could feel this mountain of stuff inside me I want to say about her ready to come out. So I figure, why not talk to a professional?

:)

YW Namaste87.

GL hows this going?

gypsylee
05-06-2015, 12:05 PM
I talked to Dad and went on and on, it was great, but I can't talk to him forever :) I'll ask the GP for a referral when I see him next week.