anonymoususer
04-30-2015, 12:50 PM
Well I've seen a few therapists/psychologists/etc. They never seem to be able to help me more than I can help myself. For this reason I thought I'd tell my story and potentially crowd source some help.
I have what I feel is just about the perfect life. I have an amazing wife, we're both self employed, we've traveled to over 20 countries, I have close personal connections to some of the most wealthy/powerful people in the world, this gives me the unique ability to ask for financial/business advice that is priceless before I make a decision.
To those outside looking in everything appears to be great. On the mental side things aren't always so perfect. I've excelled at business because I have a very powerful mind, I can't turn it off, and I can't slow it down. Doing so by other means such as drugs and/or alcohol worked as a kid but can be very uncomfortable for me now so those are out too. When I've applied my mind to positive things I am extremely productive and learn things very quickly(though I forget most of it equally as fast when I'm not using it). However, this is a double edged sword as my mind is equally as capable of internalizing and ripping itself and my body apart. I can go from 0 to feeling high as a kite and level 100 nausea is a split second with one bad thought.
Recently I've had major surgery to correct an issue that shouldn't be present until 60s. I was 29 at the time, 30 now. Due to this, I feel like a ticking time bomb. The chance of lifetime reoccurrence is somewhere around 22%. The chance of reoccurrence within the first year is less than 1%. Some days I still feel a little pain though and it throws me into full panic. I don't even know why. I'll admit I'm a bit afraid to die now as the thought of losing my wife shakes me to my core. This is something I'd never felt before(I can honestly say I barely felt fear before I met her). Unfortunately the panic sets in far before any rational thought or fear of bodily harm or death. Once it starts it can take me days to recover. during this period I feel helpless. I can't think clearly(rules out working) and NOTHING can seem to calm me down. I'm in such a panic the whole world feels too slow for me. TV, movies, video games, work, sex(in really bad cases), social interaction, it all begins to feel like torture or repulsive.
I just wanted to know if there is anyone else out there in a similar position that has had notable success. I'm starting to feel trapped. My wife is phenomenal and is always there for me as I am for her. We're working together on this but both feel very lost. I'm not sure if it's age, stress or life events but I am really struggling with this one. Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated.
I have what I feel is just about the perfect life. I have an amazing wife, we're both self employed, we've traveled to over 20 countries, I have close personal connections to some of the most wealthy/powerful people in the world, this gives me the unique ability to ask for financial/business advice that is priceless before I make a decision.
To those outside looking in everything appears to be great. On the mental side things aren't always so perfect. I've excelled at business because I have a very powerful mind, I can't turn it off, and I can't slow it down. Doing so by other means such as drugs and/or alcohol worked as a kid but can be very uncomfortable for me now so those are out too. When I've applied my mind to positive things I am extremely productive and learn things very quickly(though I forget most of it equally as fast when I'm not using it). However, this is a double edged sword as my mind is equally as capable of internalizing and ripping itself and my body apart. I can go from 0 to feeling high as a kite and level 100 nausea is a split second with one bad thought.
Recently I've had major surgery to correct an issue that shouldn't be present until 60s. I was 29 at the time, 30 now. Due to this, I feel like a ticking time bomb. The chance of lifetime reoccurrence is somewhere around 22%. The chance of reoccurrence within the first year is less than 1%. Some days I still feel a little pain though and it throws me into full panic. I don't even know why. I'll admit I'm a bit afraid to die now as the thought of losing my wife shakes me to my core. This is something I'd never felt before(I can honestly say I barely felt fear before I met her). Unfortunately the panic sets in far before any rational thought or fear of bodily harm or death. Once it starts it can take me days to recover. during this period I feel helpless. I can't think clearly(rules out working) and NOTHING can seem to calm me down. I'm in such a panic the whole world feels too slow for me. TV, movies, video games, work, sex(in really bad cases), social interaction, it all begins to feel like torture or repulsive.
I just wanted to know if there is anyone else out there in a similar position that has had notable success. I'm starting to feel trapped. My wife is phenomenal and is always there for me as I am for her. We're working together on this but both feel very lost. I'm not sure if it's age, stress or life events but I am really struggling with this one. Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated.