I had to leave work early today because I had an anxiety attack..

[im_scared]

I was so embarassed.

I started taking cipralex a little over a year ago and the anxiety attacks went away for awhile. But.. gradually they started to sneak back in. Just little ones at first.. over time they started to get worse, but it wasn't ANYTHING like the ones I had before I started taking medication.

I had an anxiety attack at work a week or two ago. It wasn't a huge attack.. so I muscled through the day and got home and everything was fine. But then today.. today was alright up until about 4pm. I suddenly had a dizzy spell.. and it scared me.. and I think that's what started the attack.
I felt like the blood was draining from my body. I feel sick to my stomach and I was so dizzy. I told my supervisor what was happening and she found me a quiet room where I could wait for my husband to come get me. He took me to the hospital because it was escalating into one of THOSE attacks.

THOSE attacks.. are so.. scary. Choking, heart beating irregularly.. feeling of unreality.. hands and feet tingling. My face and head tingles too.. sometimes it feels like my eyes are going to bulge out of my head. I struggle against it but eventually I just get tense to where I can't move anymore.. and I can't talk. It's almost like I'm comatose. I can think and tears roll down my cheeks because I'm so terrified I'll pass out and die in those long moments. And.. I do mean long. THOSE attacks can last for well over an hour.

Like I said.. I haven't had one of THOSE attacks for awhile. I though the cipralex had helped and I was going to be ok. But now.. I'm so scared because it could happen again. I could be at work and have it happen again. I'm already so humiliated because I had to tell my supervisor.. I don't want people to know about this.

I just want to be normal..

I've tried counselling. I even went to see a psychiatrist.. but all he wanted to do was prescribe more meds.

I don't drink.. I don't smoke.. I don't do drugs.. I don't even drink pop anymore, (it hurts my stomach)..

What can I do? I have a loving husband and an awesome low-stress job. I've got money enough to be comfortable and I've got three cats who I adore. I'm a bit of a socialphobe so I don't have alot of friends.. and those friends that I do have I sort of keep at arms length.. it's just part of who I am.

I'm at a loss. These attacks are becoming crippling. I just want to lead a normal life.. go to work.. buy a house.. live happily ever after.. but.. if I want to be honest.. I just sort of want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

[gypsylee]

Hi and welcome :)

I get the feeling from your post that you are quite ashamed of having anxiety/panic attacks. I assume your husband knows you get them because he picked you up and took you to the hospital? That's a good start having someone supportive around you.

Talking to people here is also a good start because you realise how common this is and that you certainly aren't alone with it. That feeling of being understood and accepted goes a long way in dealing with anxiety.

There's really no such thing as "normal" or a "normal life". Everyone is fighting some sort of battle.. You just don't hear about it much. Once you accept that you suffer from an anxiety disorder and that's your battle, it gets easier. It IS crippling, no doubt about it, but you can overcome it.

All the best,
Gypsy x

[gadguy]

I was so embarassed.

I started taking cipralex a little over a year ago and the anxiety attacks went away for awhile. But.. gradually they started to sneak back in. Just little ones at first.. over time they started to get worse, but it wasn't ANYTHING like the ones I had before I started taking medication.

I had an anxiety attack at work a week or two ago. It wasn't a huge attack.. so I muscled through the day and got home and everything was fine. But then today.. today was alright up until about 4pm. I suddenly had a dizzy spell.. and it scared me.. and I think that's what started the attack.
I felt like the blood was draining from my body. I feel sick to my stomach and I was so dizzy. I told my supervisor what was happening and she found me a quiet room where I could wait for my husband to come get me. He took me to the hospital because it was escalating into one of THOSE attacks.

THOSE attacks.. are so.. scary. Choking, heart beating irregularly.. feeling of unreality.. hands and feet tingling. My face and head tingles too.. sometimes it feels like my eyes are going to bulge out of my head. I struggle against it but eventually I just get tense to where I can't move anymore.. and I can't talk. It's almost like I'm comatose. I can think and tears roll down my cheeks because I'm so terrified I'll pass out and die in those long moments. And.. I do mean long. THOSE attacks can last for well over an hour.

Like I said.. I haven't had one of THOSE attacks for awhile. I though the cipralex had helped and I was going to be ok. But now.. I'm so scared because it could happen again. I could be at work and have it happen again. I'm already so humiliated because I had to tell my supervisor.. I don't want people to know about this.

I just want to be normal..

I've tried counselling. I even went to see a psychiatrist.. but all he wanted to do was prescribe more meds.

I don't drink.. I don't smoke.. I don't do drugs.. I don't even drink pop anymore, (it hurts my stomach)..

What can I do? I have a loving husband and an awesome low-stress job. I've got money enough to be comfortable and I've got three cats who I adore. I'm a bit of a socialphobe so I don't have alot of friends.. and those friends that I do have I sort of keep at arms length.. it's just part of who I am.

I'm at a loss. These attacks are becoming crippling. I just want to lead a normal life.. go to work.. buy a house.. live happily ever after.. but.. if I want to be honest.. I just sort of want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

Don't be ashamed, it happens to all of sometimes, I kept my attacks secret for years until I finally could not...ended up having to tell a couple of co-workers and my boss...they have all been very supportive. On the occasion when it became to much for me to endure at work and was headed to a complete meltdown...all i have to do is tell my boss "I not playing anymore today"...kinda code for major anxiety attack in progress. You sound a bit like myself in keeping people at arms length...I finally had to break down those walls and let some people in and discover why I had built these walls in the first place, process and let go. I am still working on the walls, we all have to face our demons. as for just wanting to sleep and not wake up, I think everyone wishes to excape the anxiety that way one time or another instead of having to deal with it. This is a great place to vent, talk it out, and confide in others...we all know how it feels. Hope this helped some. Best wishes and peace.

[Im-Suffering]

Your words in the following quote. Two sentences put together (ironically or coincidentally the beginning and the end of the post. You could have entirely left out the middle, which is filler) I changed the word 'was' to 'am' in the first sentence.




I am so embarassed.. I just sort of want to go to sleep and never wake up again.



This is the key to finding what this is all about. Including the physical sensations that accompany this type of mental suggestion. For it is a denial of life. And it came from 'somewhere'. It is not innate.

Think back, as far as you can. When can you recall feeling this way? Perhaps you were curled up in bed as a small child, under the covers, embarassed, ashamed, criticized, or maybe unloved - abandoned emotionally, put down, made to feel inadequate - whatever memories come, allow them. This will be the beginning of it all and show you why you feel today as you do.

You must do a little work, a self-exam. This would have been the result of quality therapy to which you might want to contemplate revisiting. The end result will be the opposite of your quote. This is the goal after the crap inside is released and healed :

"I am never embarrassed, I want to live my life to the fullest, squeezing every precious moment out of it. I am fully awake to the joy every day brings"

And so that is how you will experience life. That is how you were meant to experience life.

Not that how you are currently living is somehow wrong, but realize, edify, become self aware of your potential had you not been weighted down. And so it is a challenge of sorts, the crap is only there to trigger investigation into many false ideas you hold that are not conducive to personal growth. That is the purpose, to heal.

Who am I? And what unique gifts do I have, talents, that can help or be of service to the world? You must clear the false ideas, beliefs, and release the bad feelings to express yourself and feel a sense of fulfillment.

[Mr Jingles]

You've already received some good support and advice, so I'll just say I'm another who's read your experience and is hoping things get easier.

You said you just want to be normal. Me, too. Very much.

Sometimes it seems like anxiety isn't much interested in what I want. Maybe it is here to teach and change me, you... But it sure hurts.