jkb
04-26-2015, 11:53 AM
Greetings to all my anxiety and depression suffers out there. It has been a while. My previous journey is below if anything wants a backstory, I'm likely going to use this thread to monitor my progress and hopefully get help and help others along the way.
My Weekly Progress with Anxiety and Medication (Citalopram): http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?23729-My-Weekly-Progress-with-Anxiety-and-Medication-(Citalopram-and-Prochlorperazine)
How I demolished nearly a years worth of recovery
Diagnosed and put on meds Dec 2013. Came off citalopram by I think September 2014. Felt strong, positive, massive possibilities ahead of me.
By this point I had recently moved to London (from North of england after uni - a huge step) in Aug 2014.
Within a few months, an ex-girlfriend came to visit me in London, I think I let it happen because I was a bit lonely in this big city. From that, we saw each other more often and then got back together.
We had ups and downs, some really great times but in recent months we were getting really at each others throats.
I was becoming very stressed about my work, and still have issues with it. It made my focus entirely on trying to make my life better here, this led to my gf feeling neglected and arguments. I have considerable debt for someone my age, I have a job that I find very frustrating, and I was burning myself out generally.
At first it was just general feeling down, being pretty quiet and unemotional. This went on for quite a while, and end all was me and my gf split up last week. It was likely for the best.
A few weeks ago I went in the gym as usual, I enjoyed it to release stress etc. It was after work, I was pretty tired out though, but usually I've just gone anyway and it gave me energy as soon as I got active.
I started on one particular exercise, pendlay rows, and started on a pretty high weight, I've had dizziness coming up from these before and general bent over exercises but I went ahead this time, I did a couple of sets and got to the end of one and as I stood up it felt like my heart stopped and I half-collapsed sitting on a box.
It's possible that it did skip a beat or something, I feel like this happens to me often. I don't know how much of the event was health or anxiety related, but afterwards I had an all out panic attack basically and left the gym.
It took me 20 minutes to walk the 5 minutes back to my workplace where I thought I'd be safer just to get to people I knew, a few times I stopped and sat on small walls etc with my head in my hands shaking.
Of course, as always, I've ended up fine.
So here we are now, I was closing in on a year of feeling relatively anxiety free and I'm back into its depths. It feels different to the last time, this is more general and health anxiety. Before I was having problems going outside etc.
Nevertheless being in crowds for too long is disturbing for me, last night I had to bail on a family member who I was out with because I just pent up anxiety and couldn't shake it off.
So.. there's obviously a fair few factors here that made it happen. Built up stress from loneliness (most of the time) as didn't have many people i knew here, then when I was with girlfriend when I could meet her (she still lived north, far!) it being very stressful on most occasions and meaning that any spare time like weekends i would be seeing her and rarely go back to see family and friends at home, a job that really angers me sometimes, money problems..... I suppose I shouldn't be surprised being an anxiety sufferer before that something like this would happen.
Back story just about done!
Day 1..
Currently dealing with health anxiety (heart palpitations, chest pains, scared to do any exercise), general anxiety, and quite severe depression at times. I replaced the stress of being with my girlfriend with not being with her and the hurt of that, which is a difficulty but of course will subside over time.
Where do I go from here? I don't want to go back on meds, because I remember the side effects during the start, middle, and end of being on them. I don't think they are entirely necessary if I make some good life changes.
Done some research into B-vitamins, and that quite a common issue for people is B12 deficiency. I have one of these Naked fruit smoothie drinks today which had ridiculous amounts of B6/B12 and more, and shortly after I felt very wired and anxious. I think its the kind of vitamin hit I'm not used to, and is apparently expected being that B vitamins are stimulants, but the right levels of them over time help promote serotonin levels (feel good chemicals). BUT later on today (now) I feel I have more energy and a more positively focused mind.
Does anyone have any experience with B12/B6/other vitamin balancing?
I'm also considering trying some St John Wort, preferably in tea form. I have a general bad reaction with tablets/pills in that I find it very difficult to swallow them and negatively increases anxiety levels especially as pills usually activate very quick. Does anyone have much experience with St John Wort, and specifically in tea form?
That'll do for one long first post ^_^'..
My Weekly Progress with Anxiety and Medication (Citalopram): http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?23729-My-Weekly-Progress-with-Anxiety-and-Medication-(Citalopram-and-Prochlorperazine)
How I demolished nearly a years worth of recovery
Diagnosed and put on meds Dec 2013. Came off citalopram by I think September 2014. Felt strong, positive, massive possibilities ahead of me.
By this point I had recently moved to London (from North of england after uni - a huge step) in Aug 2014.
Within a few months, an ex-girlfriend came to visit me in London, I think I let it happen because I was a bit lonely in this big city. From that, we saw each other more often and then got back together.
We had ups and downs, some really great times but in recent months we were getting really at each others throats.
I was becoming very stressed about my work, and still have issues with it. It made my focus entirely on trying to make my life better here, this led to my gf feeling neglected and arguments. I have considerable debt for someone my age, I have a job that I find very frustrating, and I was burning myself out generally.
At first it was just general feeling down, being pretty quiet and unemotional. This went on for quite a while, and end all was me and my gf split up last week. It was likely for the best.
A few weeks ago I went in the gym as usual, I enjoyed it to release stress etc. It was after work, I was pretty tired out though, but usually I've just gone anyway and it gave me energy as soon as I got active.
I started on one particular exercise, pendlay rows, and started on a pretty high weight, I've had dizziness coming up from these before and general bent over exercises but I went ahead this time, I did a couple of sets and got to the end of one and as I stood up it felt like my heart stopped and I half-collapsed sitting on a box.
It's possible that it did skip a beat or something, I feel like this happens to me often. I don't know how much of the event was health or anxiety related, but afterwards I had an all out panic attack basically and left the gym.
It took me 20 minutes to walk the 5 minutes back to my workplace where I thought I'd be safer just to get to people I knew, a few times I stopped and sat on small walls etc with my head in my hands shaking.
Of course, as always, I've ended up fine.
So here we are now, I was closing in on a year of feeling relatively anxiety free and I'm back into its depths. It feels different to the last time, this is more general and health anxiety. Before I was having problems going outside etc.
Nevertheless being in crowds for too long is disturbing for me, last night I had to bail on a family member who I was out with because I just pent up anxiety and couldn't shake it off.
So.. there's obviously a fair few factors here that made it happen. Built up stress from loneliness (most of the time) as didn't have many people i knew here, then when I was with girlfriend when I could meet her (she still lived north, far!) it being very stressful on most occasions and meaning that any spare time like weekends i would be seeing her and rarely go back to see family and friends at home, a job that really angers me sometimes, money problems..... I suppose I shouldn't be surprised being an anxiety sufferer before that something like this would happen.
Back story just about done!
Day 1..
Currently dealing with health anxiety (heart palpitations, chest pains, scared to do any exercise), general anxiety, and quite severe depression at times. I replaced the stress of being with my girlfriend with not being with her and the hurt of that, which is a difficulty but of course will subside over time.
Where do I go from here? I don't want to go back on meds, because I remember the side effects during the start, middle, and end of being on them. I don't think they are entirely necessary if I make some good life changes.
Done some research into B-vitamins, and that quite a common issue for people is B12 deficiency. I have one of these Naked fruit smoothie drinks today which had ridiculous amounts of B6/B12 and more, and shortly after I felt very wired and anxious. I think its the kind of vitamin hit I'm not used to, and is apparently expected being that B vitamins are stimulants, but the right levels of them over time help promote serotonin levels (feel good chemicals). BUT later on today (now) I feel I have more energy and a more positively focused mind.
Does anyone have any experience with B12/B6/other vitamin balancing?
I'm also considering trying some St John Wort, preferably in tea form. I have a general bad reaction with tablets/pills in that I find it very difficult to swallow them and negatively increases anxiety levels especially as pills usually activate very quick. Does anyone have much experience with St John Wort, and specifically in tea form?
That'll do for one long first post ^_^'..