After several months of misdiagnosis, I am just anxious

[willheal]

Gosh I want to write this without including health details but it's really hard. I guess that makes the story shorter.

I have been jerked around for 3 months about my health, and it turns out that my anxiety disorder was just making my heart race.

I've seen around 7 or 8 doctors; cardiologists, electrophysiologists, whateverologists. My first diagnosis was way out in left field and just didn't make sense, but every follow up appointment they saw it in my file and ran with it.

At one point I had a doctor check my pulse and he told me I was going to die if I didn't get help soon, offered to call an ambulance, and told me to just calm down and breath when I reacted with a panic attack! Hey are you fricken kidding me or what? Just breath? That's all I needed to do this whole time, while I'm actually dying? holy crap thanks dude for this mondo advice.

I was fine at the time, by the way, and nothing was wrong with me as it turns out. The doctor really was just a crackpot.

More doctors, more meds, yada-yada. And like I said they kept going with this diagnosis. Until my last hospital visit. They caught something on the EKG and found I have something extremely benign (uncomfortable, but benign) and my anxiety is triggering it! Ultimately, it really is just my anxiety disorder at the core for me. They shoot me up with a little bit of ativan and I'm back to normal in an hour. Holter monitor for a week and it's confirmed.

Anyway, that closes another chapter in my crazy life. I had a chance to look back at my journal entries the past 3 months and the whole episode looks identical to the last one. Slightly different anxiety symptoms. Slightly different obsessions about my health. But same anxiety. It doesn't feel like that when you're going through it.

This experience riled me up. There are people like me going to the hospital, doctors, etc. Maybe they're sick or maybe they have anxiety, but the doctors are overbooked, under-dedicated, and don't follow through with the treatment--I have 4 different doses of the same medication on my desk because they didn't confer with each other about how much I should be on.

There are other people going through the same thing as me. They're confused, they feel like their health is in the balance, they want to know WHY is this happening to them, and they need someone to comfort them. I wish I could walk with them through it. Maybe one day when my own health is settled I will.

[gypsylee]

Are you the guy who had that doctor you described as a "bastard"? Lol. Sorry I forget people's names..

[willheal]

Are you the guy who had that doctor you described as a "bastard"? Lol. Sorry I forget people's names..

That's me! That son of a diddly is still working at my doctors office and I want to crush him with my big strong arms!

[gypsylee]

LOL@son of a diddly. You could write to the medical association and complain about him.

[Im-Suffering]

There are other people going through the same thing as me. They're confused, they feel like their health is in the balance, they want to know WHY is this happening to them, and they need someone to comfort them. I wish I could walk with them through it. Maybe one day when my own health is settled I will.



THIS ^ - YES, WALK WITH THEM !

You understand?

That is what it is all about, pay it forward, give, give, give. This is one of your special unique gifts (and one of the purposes of your anxiety!) that could enrich your life if explored other than just a fleeting thought.

Do not complain about any doctors (to the association), or rehash it other than how you can use those experiences to help others (help, not hinder or complain). And don't wait for your health to settle.

Begin at once to give, understanding, friendship (kinship - affinity), empathy, reason, comfort, safety, rest - to others as you so intuitively deduced. That will be the final step in your healing, and ultimately you will settle as the journey plays out. In teaching others that they will be ok, you will teach yourself the same thing.

Use where you have been to get to where you want to go by paving a dirt road and building bridges for others to cross. Never forget your intent no matter how many stones to clear. Never join the pity party - but see the best in them, the brightest light they can be, when free of all the crap that weighs them down, remember your journey. It has chiseled enough stone out from inside you that enough light can shine through the cracks of your psyche to illuminate the way for others !

I am in this short post today offering you the tools to pave those roads, but ultimately you must reach out, that's your story, your life to flesh out. What will you do? Will you change the world?

Will, willheal heal ?

[gypsylee]

Complaining to the association might save others from being treated by that "bastard" though no? Probably not but he can still help others AND make a complaint.

[Im-Suffering]

Ultimately it was all part of 'willheal's' experience. Meeting a 'bastard' (especially one in the medical field) and reaching a brick wall overall was just part of the drama. The frustration, anger leading up to a release with an epiphany. Which was :

"There are other people going through the same thing as me. They're confused, they feel like their health is in the balance, they want to know WHY is this happening to them, and they need someone to comfort them. I wish I could walk with them through it. Maybe one day when my own health is settled I will."

There is no 'one day' however, if he/she does not act on this 'hunch' they would lose much of the reason for this precious learning experience.

'Complaining' well, is that who he/she wants to be? If it is in the 'self' to meet a 'bastard' then no one can stop that. Just like a childs experience meeting a bully every day in the schoolyard, who is able to stop that experience? Maybe 1 in 10,000. This is the childs experience. How it shapes his future? There are multitudes of probabilities, so no one knows.

Im not suggesting ignoring a problem, just perhaps handling it in a way that feels good. Maybe-

Send that doctor a letter :

I just wanted you to know, when I was in to see you, you treated me badly, and I did not feel you offered the care (by your physical diagnosis) and compassion (emotionally) that I needed. I am disappointed that I had that experience with you. Although I understand you may have had an 'off' day. We all do. I wont be coming to see you again, but I just wanted to express my feelings.

Now, that's just an example, he can write his own letter and then either send it or tear it up, symbolically releasing any hurt from that experience. That would be more constructive than a letter 'to the association'. Teach 'willheal' to face his peers one on one lest he have any grievances with them (personally). He may receive a letter back which would be much more satisfying and add closure for both of them to this event !

"I am so sorry, one of my long term friend/patient had just passed away, and I was upset that day which may have ..... and so on"

Giving the doctor a chance at redemption without harsh discipline or punishment. Humanely.

___________________________


Different topic, willheal, look at what you wrote :


"Anyway, that closes another chapter in my crazy life"

Now, 'out of the mouth, the heart speaks' - And so here you have an influential belief 'slip out'.

Should you want your life to 'settle' I suggest you confront and debunk that belief (find the reason for it in the past). 'Crazy' and 'peace' cannot occupy the same space. Make a decision which it will be, going forward.

You create the crazy - first, period. You are not at the mercy of 'crazy' experiences that then shape your life.

[gypsylee]

Well it was really just a passing thought on my behalf, but the doctor has a duty of care to his patients. It's a professional relationship and if he was a "bastard" to the patient (he actually gave the OP an opinion that was completely wrong and detrimental to his health) he should perhaps be reprimanded by the appropriate association. One letter is unlikely to do that but maybe others have had similar experiences. It's pretty cut and dried really, like a mechanic who makes a car unsafe.

[willheal]

Thank you both very much, I needed that.

I haven't decided what to do yet about the bastard doctor. Confronting him with writing had not crossed my mind. I really wanted blood. My first reaction was I want this man fired. My second reaction was he is probably hurting other people too -- he should be fired. In context this saga was my own personal hell. I needed the doctors & everyone who was in charge to be understanding and compassionate because I did not have the strength to endure it by myself. But maybe the right thing to do is to surprise him with a letter and (maybe) some compassion too, even though I feel like he doesn't deserve it. Maybe it will change his life in some way and make him a better person/doctor. Who knows. I appreciate challenging my view about this guy.

Edit: I really do think that the years of medical school, internships, etc, should be enough to make you realize you're going to be caring for PEOPLE, not flesh machines, and that compassion is equally or more important than the health aspect. This guy was absolutely wrong with his diagnosis, his behavior, etc, and he's potentially harmfully doing it to other people to. So the views you both expressed here are representative of my internal conflict about the situation: should I send him a letter to warn him to get his act straight? Should I file a complaint to the clinic that employs him? Both? Will either of them even care? I really have no idea, but I will mull on it some and take action soon.

I was told a few points in my life by wiser people than I that I should teach and help others. I think you had a really strong point Im-Suffering, that there's no time better than the present.

[Im-Suffering]

Thank you both very much, I needed that.

I haven't decided what to do yet about the bastard doctor. Confronting him with writing had not crossed my mind. I really wanted blood. My first reaction was I want this man fired. My second reaction was he is probably hurting other people too -- he should be fired. In context this saga was my own personal hell. I needed the doctors & everyone who was in charge to be understanding and compassionate because I did not have the strength to endure it by myself. But maybe the right thing to do is to surprise him with a letter and (maybe) some compassion too, even though I feel like he doesn't deserve it. Maybe it will change his life in some way and make him a better person/doctor. Who knows. I appreciate challenging my view about this guy.

Edit: I really do think that the years of medical school, internships, etc, should be enough to make you realize you're going to be caring for PEOPLE, not flesh machines, and that compassion is equally or more important than the health aspect. This guy was absolutely wrong with his diagnosis, his behavior, etc, and he's potentially harmfully doing it to other people to. So the views you both expressed here are representative of my internal conflict about the situation: should I send him a letter to warn him to get his act straight? Should I file a complaint to the clinic that employs him? Both? Will either of them even care? I really have no idea, but I will mull on it some and take action soon.

I was told a few points in my life by wiser people than I that I should teach and help others. I think you had a really strong point Im-Suffering, that there's no time better than the present.

Forgive. These are the qualities in self that you are learning. One day you will need forgiveness, and it shall be dealt to you in proportion to how much you have forgiven. There is a human underneath every identity. Cultivate therefor those attributes of compassion, mercy, kindness, and so forth that you want to see in others, in self first. This in itself will relieve many of the anxious symptoms.

It's not about anyone else. There is only you, as you walk around with your mirror.

Take care. Believe in you.

[gypsylee]

Thank you both very much, I needed that.

I haven't decided what to do yet about the bastard doctor. Confronting him with writing had not crossed my mind. I really wanted blood. My first reaction was I want this man fired. My second reaction was he is probably hurting other people too -- he should be fired. In context this saga was my own personal hell. I needed the doctors & everyone who was in charge to be understanding and compassionate because I did not have the strength to endure it by myself. But maybe the right thing to do is to surprise him with a letter and (maybe) some compassion too, even though I feel like he doesn't deserve it. Maybe it will change his life in some way and make him a better person/doctor. Who knows. I appreciate challenging my view about this guy.

Edit: I really do think that the years of medical school, internships, etc, should be enough to make you realize you're going to be caring for PEOPLE, not flesh machines, and that compassion is equally or more important than the health aspect. This guy was absolutely wrong with his diagnosis, his behavior, etc, and he's potentially harmfully doing it to other people to. So the views you both expressed here are representative of my internal conflict about the situation: should I send him a letter to warn him to get his act straight? Should I file a complaint to the clinic that employs him? Both? Will either of them even care? I really have no idea, but I will mull on it some and take action soon.

I was told a few points in my life by wiser people than I that I should teach and help others. I think you had a really strong point Im-Suffering, that there's no time better than the present.

Sue the bastard! ;)

[PanicCured]

"At one point I had a doctor check my pulse and he told me I was going to die if I didn't get help soon" Did this really happen like this?

[willheal]

"At one point I had a doctor check my pulse and he told me I was going to die if I didn't get help soon" Did this really happen like this?

Yes, he told me I had afib and if I didn't seek immediate treatment I would have a stroke. He wanted to put me on a daily medication where I would have to be monitored closely days after to make sure I did not faint or die. The medicine also carries a small risk of degenerating my normal, healthy heart rhythm over time into a chronic arrhythmia. I asked him directly, "am I in immediate danger?" He refused to answer, saying that the risk was uncertain and offered to call me an ambulance to take me to the hospital right away.

This doctor is a family physician. He had checked my pulse at my wrist and told me that my heart was missing beats very frequently and I should be taking this more seriously. I checked it after him. They were regular beats, just fast. I told him that it seemed fine and regular, just fast (120 at the time). He said that there's no way I would know, myself; that he was the expert, not me.

He insisted on explaining that my heart is beating irregularly, what happens during afib and my risk of stroke. He explained in detail what would happen to the pooling blood and the inevitable clot. I told him to stop several times ("I have severe anxiety," "please stop," "you're making this very hard on me," "just order the tests or send me in for the EKG"), but he would get irritated and talk louder or return to explaining the same details after the subject was changed. He seemed compelled to make me upset.

Before he left the office I told him he made it worse for me. My heart was racing faster (but still regular) because of anxiety now. He told me to breath slowly and I will calm down. I told him I'm beyond the point of breathing exercises because he told me I was going to die. He said very loudly, "so you're telling me biofeedback doesn't work?" and then became belligerent until I left. I cannot express this strongly enough: he was extremely mean, detached, and rude the entire visit.

After the months of visiting specialists after him I find out that I have no chronic arrhythmia--just a relatively mild case of tachycardia, which appears to be triggered by stress. I am young and it would be almost unheard of to see complications like this from a short episode of atrial fibrillation that he was describing. He was clearly not qualified to diagnose me, and took no EKG, and was alarming me for no reason. He put in my file that I had a chronic arrhythmia and made it difficult for my later cardiologists to pinpoint what was actually wrong with me afterward.