baker333
04-18-2015, 02:39 PM
I am 35 years old and I graduated in 2005,but for the last 10 years I have consistently gone to my Alma Mater. I have done this when I have been in and out of work. Lately and by that I mean the last year, I have noticed a steady increase in my feelings of depression,worthlessness. The reason I feel depressed his because I thought when I was in college that I would be a different spot than I am now. In 2002, after taking a semester off, I came back to get a degree because that was the expectation. Having anxiety back then,but not knowing it, I met a girl who I thought,upon seeing her, had a boyfriend. Long story short, in a implicit way she told me that she liked me. I did not react or reciprocate those feelings because I was fearful due to my anxiety. It was literally dear in the headlights. Now, I am not naive to think that her I had would have fallen in love, gotten married,but I think it's important to overcome your inertia/fear. I believe not acting in that moment reinforced my low self-esteem. Although, it was an ego-boost that she did like me. I liked the idea of that. Anyway, I think about her and that moment more or less on a daily basis. Again, I am not naive to think that we would have fallen in love or my life would be radically different. However, by not acting, I do know what my life is like now. Today, I believe that a girl who is matriculating is attracted to me. That prospect puts me in a good mood and I think to myself I still must be attractive. Now, I am not a lothario and sex is not and never has been important me. Having just begun with a new therapist, I have hope for my future. I want to be independent, in a relationship. The fact that I don't have children makes that an attainable goal in the relative short term. It is however a monumental struggle!!! These feelings although not constant seem like they will not abate.