she cannot handle it anymore

[ace-sprinter-collin]

hey everyone... i'm collin, i'm from holland, and my anxiety has been ruining everything lately.

i have a very sweet and caring girlfriend, and i adore her very much. but like me, she's got her own problems; she has been diagnosed with ptsd and chronic fatigue.
my anxiety has taken over control and every day i need to ask for confirmation because it's been ruining my perception badly. my girlfriend always handled me with care and with love, but she's come to a point of melting down.

her ptsd is related to emotional abuse, which included anxiety, and our situation is heading down the same road, something which i had never wanted. my anxiety has gotten so bad, that i have scared her away from all good things, because my anxiety drains her so much, and she wishes i'd stop confronting her about it.

i don't want to confront her with it so much either, but i always mess up - the past two weeks, i've triggered her three times, and i feel torn up and guilty about it. today she snapped at me and told me that she doesn't want to lose me over this, but she's at a really big loss and doesn't know what to do. she binge ate an entire bag of popcorn and almost threw up because she was so desperate. i'm trying my best to get help for my anxiety, i've been looking for therapy and medicine, but nobody seems to be available yet. my girlfriend told me that if i can't learn to not confront her with it and give her a break, she can't talk to me anymore.

i've offered a week rest for her, but she said she couldn't handle my absense, because due to her condition, she's got very few people left to interact with... she also told me that she loves me for who i am as a person - happy, energetic, optimistic.

i'm so scared that i won't be able to keep myself in check and that she'll always be scared and i'll lose her. i absolutely don't want to lose her, she's my treasure...
i don't know what to do... i've lost myself...

[Im-Suffering]

You cannot change if you are blind. So lets take off the mask.




she loves me for who i am as a person - happy, energetic, optimistic.



You are the antithesis of that description. That is how she wants to see you (ideally), or is blinded into seeing you. The same way she was blindsided (blinded) by the emotional abuse of someone else that she also trusted.

You should know, chronic anxiety cannot exist within an emotional framework of 'happiness, positive energy, and optimism'. Fear and love do not mix in the same head space. For years, (be honest) you have been thinking the worst, been unhappy and pessimistic. That 'train' of thought led you to where you are today.

So step one for you is to get to the truth. I am being afront because you asked for a 'wake up call'.

So that is what you received. Will you listen? Or do you need the acute pain of loss to trigger the lesson (like most people). You can do things 'the easy way'. And keep your relationship. (if it is meant to be).

Next time you get the acute fear of a knee jerk reaction to act in unwanted ways STOP!, and realize this is NOT the you that you wish to be, and every knee jerk impulse motivated by fear is the wrong move. What would love do differently? There would have been no abuse if that question was asked and acted upon.

Acting out of fear in a destructive way is no more than false beliefs you hold, were told about who you are and about reality itself. So your actions are haphazard and unwieldy, propelled by false ideas and self lies, worries, doubts and fears.

STOP !

[ace-sprinter-collin]

You cannot change if you are blind. So lets take off the mask.



You are the antithesis of that description. That is how she wants to see you (ideally), or is blinded into seeing you. The same way she was blindsided (blinded) by the emotional abuse of someone else that she also trusted.

You should know, chronic anxiety cannot exist within an emotional framework of 'happiness, positive energy, and optimism'. Fear and love do not mix in the same head space.

So step one for you is to get to the truth.

except, when i'm sober i'm happy, energetic, and optimistic. she's not the only one saying this - people in my daily life know how i am when i am sober and when i am overwhelmed with anxiety.

before anxiety hit the sensitive subject - my relationship - i was exactly that. that's how i am every day, maybe minus the optimistic part, even when things are rough. you're setting things in black and white here.

[Im-Suffering]

Which face will you show the world today ?




when i'm sober - interesting terminology

"that's how i am every day, maybe minus the optimistic part"



You would not be in the position you are now if you were coming from a happy, calm, secure place, no exceptions.

Denial wont help you.

Its your choice. I am only a wake up call.

I have nothing further.

[ace-sprinter-collin]

Which face will you show the world today ?



You would not be in the position you are now if you were coming from a happy, calm, secure place, no exceptions. Denial wont help you. So listen up!

Its your choice. I am only a wake up call.

I have nothing further.

it's true that i don't come from a happy environment, but i had people that kept me upright, including my girlfriend. they made me very happy, and i do have fun with them, still. i can still laugh, i can still appreciate and experience joy. i truly do love my girlfriend. the thing is, i know how things are - i know what the truth is. but my anxiety still causes me to act upon the irrational things.

[gypsylee]

except, when i'm sober i'm happy, energetic, and optimistic. she's not the only one saying this - people in my daily life know how i am when i am sober and when i am overwhelmed with anxiety.

before anxiety hit the sensitive subject - my relationship - i was exactly that. that's how i am every day, maybe minus the optimistic part, even when things are rough. you're setting things in black and white here.

What do you mean by "sober"? As in not intoxicated?

[Im-Suffering]

my anxiety still causes me to act upon the irrational things.

You created your anxiety, not the other way around. If you can accept that, then you can begin to heal. And recapitulate your life to find the reasons.

Rephrase :

"I acted irrationally and this causes me anxiety"

Now, why do you act irrationally. That will uncover many things about you that you have been hiding from, including the 'unhappy environment' you 'came from'. You must face the mirror. And not worry about the girl. She is only a projection reflected back at you, your whole environment reflects your inner feelings at any given point.

You must have a breakthrough here, and at least begin to accept this is possible, for healing to occur.

[Im-Suffering]

I cannot stay here with you any longer this morning. I have other commitments, but I was able to get enough out there.

Instructions :

Print or reread this thread several times until you understand its message.

Peace to you

[ace-sprinter-collin]

You created your anxiety, not the other way around. If you can accept that, then you can begin to heal. And recapitulate your life to find the reasons.

Rephrase :

"I acted irrationally and this causes me anxiety"

Now, why do you act irrationally. That will uncover many things about you that you have been hiding from, including the 'unhappy environment' you 'came from'. You must face the mirror. And not worry about the girl. She is only a projection reflected back at you, your whole environment reflects your inner feelings at any given point.

You must have a breakthrough here, and at least begin to accept this is possible, for healing to occur.

i know i'm feeding my own anxiety, because i obsessively try to get rid of it, which causes more discomfort. i act irrationally (overflooding her with questions in panic) because i'm scared that if i don't fight, nothing will happen. but because i fight, my anxiety gets worse, and i end up doing stupid things, such as sending her too many messages.

for a ew days i've avoided sending her any messages before she came to me, and that worked. i felt better, but now that i've triggered her once again, i feel terrible, especially now that she's said that.

[ace-sprinter-collin]

What do you mean by "sober"? As in not intoxicated?

when i don't have any weird feeling in my stomach, chest, or when i'm just not afraid. that's what i meant with sober.

[gypsylee]

when i don't have any weird feeling in my stomach, chest, or when i'm just not afraid. that's what i meant with sober.

Ok I wasn't sure :)

[Im-Suffering]

when i don't have any weird feeling in my stomach, chest, or when i'm just not afraid. that's what i meant with sober.

This will take introspective work, ace.

Take a look back at that 'unhappy environment'.

Ask, who there was irrational? And hardly ever 'sober'.

Where did all this come from?

Get your answers.