Friendship Problems

[alyssum]

So I have this friend. He's my best friend and all that mushy stuff but lately things with him have been off. I've been having panic attacks on a somewhat regular basis for about a month now and I guess I'm on edge more than I used to be. I know he doesn't really understand my anxiety and I don't expect him or anyone else to. But today I had a something (close enough to a panic attack but with out so much panic) and I guess I finally was able to put into words what was really bugging me. I feel like he's been blowing me off lately. I found out from his friends that he made plans with them this weekend when we were going to hang out and the last two times we were supposed to hang out he became busy so we ended up not hanging out and I guess it bugs me a lot. It sucks when you care so much about someone and it seems as if they don't even care about you. I'm going to talk to him about it tomorrow and I hope it goes well.

There just seems as if there's two of me- normal Alyssa and anxious Alyssa. Normal Alyssa knows how to make decisions and what to say and when to say it. Anxious Alyssa feels like no one likes her, she has no friends, and even her best friend just doesn't even want to be friends. And lately I've been having trouble separating the two because anxious Alyssa has become more and more prominent and normal Alyssa has just been taking the passenger seat in my life. This whole thing has been really hard lately, I'm still not used to it but I'm hoping it'll get better soon.

[neverag]

I'm starting to learn that It's mostly a function of action. I don't know anything about you. However, you seem to become anxious when you are unsure and need clarity. Perhaps Anxious Alyssa will settle down once you talk to your friend. Regardless, these two different Alyssas are just two different ways of perceiving the world. "Normal" Alyssa probably comes out when you're doing something you're experienced or confident with, so you are not as unsure. Maybe Anxious Alyssa is taking over because you spend less time in comfortable situations.