alyssum
04-13-2015, 09:20 PM
I guess Mondays are always hard for me, they make me more anxious than any other day I've come to realize. I had a concert tonight (and did great on my solo this time) and I always get really carried away in the music. I think i might have gotten a little worked up tonight,more than usual. It wasn't stage fright really, more or less just a lack of being prepared but that's why we do that mock concert. Anyways, I know twice today I really just didn't feel well and that I just wanted to have a panic attack to get it over with but I couldn't. I got home and just felt really sad. A year ago today I went through this really terrible breakup but I'm over him now but I thought maybe I felt sad because my brain is just weird like that and remembers awful things from years past. So I started crying for no reason, which is how my panic attacks always start. But I just felt so alone, like no matter who I called or texted or screamed no one would answer and no one would hear me. So I kept crying and layed down on my bed and started sobbing and gasping for air and I realized I was having a panic attack which of course just freaked me out more. Part of me said I can stop whenever I want but another part of me said just keep crying, you'll feel better. In the end I just went through the panic attack, called my friend and he calmed me down. I'm really glad he answered because I just need one person to talk to when this happens, it doesn't really matter who but I prefer my close friends since they know me better. I'm hoping this is just a fork in the road. It seems like things are getting better as a whole, just some days I lose control. Prayers would be much appreciated, I'm going through more than it seems like I can handle right now and I just need help. You all know how hard this is.
Best wishes to you all,
-Alyssa
Best wishes to you all,
-Alyssa