fake stuff and real stuff

[Kuma]

A classic problem for those of us to deal with anxiety is overestimating risk. Think of the guy who is afraid of flying, or afraid of driving over a bridge, or concerned when his foot hurts that maybe it is foot cancer. The fundamental problem is a mis-estimation of risk. Sure, it is possible that the bridge will cave in when you drive over it, but you are living life, and worrying, as if the risk were one in three, when in reality it is, say, one in 500 million. If you were better at estimating risk -- if you truly internalized the fact that the risk is one in 500 million -- you would not worry about it.

Anxiety treatments (such as CBT) are good at re-training us to better evaluate risk.

But what about real stuff? What about the guy who actually DOES have cancer? He is not just imagining it, but an oncologist told him he has it? Or the person whose mother or spouse is terminally ill? Or the person whose kid is in coma or on the battlefield. That causes anxiety, of course, but the solution of "better understanding risk" does not work here. Because the risk is really high, and the better you understand it, the more concerned you would be. Is this a whole different kind of anxiety? With different ways to address it?

I am going through some "real stuff" in my own life, these days. And I am sort of thinking that the "solutions" I have learned in the past are much better suited to "imagined stuff" than they are to "real stuff."

Interested in any thoughts you might have.

[gypsylee]

It is a different kind of anxiety with different solutions. In the last year or so my brother died (unexpectedly) and my mother has pretty much ended up in a wheelchair. So I'm an "only child" again, caring for my mum (who I have never gotten along with). This is just an example of "real stuff" :)

The solutions are acceptance of how things are and the ability to cope with change. For me, my reading about mindfulness and impermanence have been very helpful.. Living in the moment, understanding that we cannot control everything, and that the only constant is change. So I guess when it comes to "real stuff" the solutions are more philosophical than scientific, if you know what I mean.

I hope that's what you're getting at :)

Gypsy x

[Atar]

same issue here....I always worry that I m gonna hurt someone with what I said and done ....how can I be sure if I don't?
yes gypsylee I think its philosopical

[Dahila]

I agree with Gypsy, what we can not change we must accept it. I know it is easy to say. When my mom passed away ten years ago, I was devastated, ended up with antidepressants for a year, it was awful. When my dog passed in my arms it caused real health change for me. The doc explained that it was a trigger to switch from low bp to high bp. Hell, it is not imagined. When I am stressed my bp spikes for days, meds or no meds.
My brother is fighting for his life and he decided not to take chemo anymore, I am stressed, it is a real situation. No one knows how to manage it, people survive difficult situations because they have to. They are not strong but their survival instinct is strong. I am not sure , I make any sense. I am so sorry you have to go through tough time Kuma. Hopefully It will get better, easier. We learn to deal with situations.

[Kuma]

Dahila and Gypsylee, I think there is real wisdom in both of your responses. Thanks. I know, intellectually, that I must accept what I cannot change, and that I will survive it because there's no other option. But it sure isn't easy, as you both know from your own experiences...

Gyp, if you could recommend only one book on mindfulness and impermanence , which would it be?

[gypsylee]

Dahila and Gypsylee, I think there is real wisdom in both of your responses. Thanks. I know, intellectually, that I must accept what I cannot change, and that I will survive it because there's no other option. But it sure isn't easy, as you both know from your own experiences...

Gyp, if you could recommend only one book on mindfulness and impermanence , which would it be?

Yeah the old Serenity Prayer from AA is something I still say to myself (God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference). That sums things up nicely.

I'll get back to you re books on that stuff.

[gypsylee]

Probably "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. It's his second book and I think maybe it's even better than The Power of Now.

I've also done a bit of reading into Buddhism (and other religions). The Buddhists are pretty much the masters of mindfulness and impermanence eg the Buddhist mandala where they spend ages making this beautiful picture with coloured sand and then they let it wash away in a river. However you have to wade through a ton of Buddhist texts and it doesn't translate easily into Western concepts.

Eckhart Tolle is more accessible - he incorporates various religious ideas into his writing and he writes well. I know you aren't a big fan of religion and New Agey stuff but give it a go :)

[Dahila]

Oh Gypsy buddysm is the only "religion" I can stomach it. I love buddysm, it is a way of living; peaceful, and creative. It is the appreciation of what we have now, and working without goal. From Mahatma Ghandi to Dalai Lama I went long way and it saved me so:))
Now I know why there are such good vibes around you. This place makes me sick sometimes, but I met here awesome people, it is worth it:)
Full Catastrophe living by Jon Kabat Zinn; easy to follow for western people :))
the miracle of mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh
8 minute meditation by Victor Davich; it actually teach how to meditate starting from 8 minutes. It is a book that my children started to meditate. For beginner it is awesome
the Fundamentals of Meditation Practice by Ting Chen,

[gypsylee]

Oh Gypsy buddysm is the only "religion" I can stomach it. I love buddysm, it is a way of living; peaceful, and creative. It is the appreciation of what we have now, and working without goal. From Mahatma Ghandi to Dalai Lama I went long way and it saved me so:))
Now I know why there are such good vibes around you. This place makes me sick sometimes, but I met here awesome people, it is worth it:)
Full Catastrophe living by Jon Kabat Zinn; easy to follow for western people :))
the miracle of mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh
8 minute meditation by Victor Davich; it actually teach how to meditate starting from 8 minutes. It is a book that my children started to meditate. For beginner it is awesome
the Fundamentals of Meditation Practice by Ting Chen,

Yeah I think of Buddhism more as a philosophy than a religion. I went and saw the Dalai Lama years ago in Melbourne and he has such good vibes; very humble and good humoured. I don't consider myself a Buddhist but it's my favourite "religion". Also I love Buddhist chanting - when I want to stop thinking about things I sometimes say a Buddhist mantra in my head.

Thanks for those recommendations - I will take a look for sure :)

[Dahila]

Yeah I think of Buddhism more as a philosophy than a religion. I went and saw the Dalai Lama years ago in Melbourne and he has such good vibes; very humble and good humoured. I don't consider myself a Buddhist but it's my favourite "religion". Also I love Buddhist chanting - when I want to stop thinking about things I sometimes say a Buddhist mantra in my head.

Thanks for those recommendations - I will take a look for sure :)

so do I. I wish I could see him, but when he was in Canada I could not to go to Toronto. eh life. I say mantras for years also, my favorite is " I am healthy, I am happy, I am safe and I have easy of being" Few years back when I still was dreaming in my mother language, I used mantras in Polish language but not anymore.

Have you read the "The book of Death" it is about Tibetan way of taking soul to through phases of dying. Does not help with anxiety but helps with the fear of dying

[gypsylee]

I listened to the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, I think it's called? The Buddhists just see death as part of life and they prepare for it in their way of living.

[Im-Suffering]

There is no clear cut answer here to 'Fake stuff vs real stuff". The ideas presented by the others on meditation are certainly important and relevant in that the answers would come from within. Rather than go into a whole reading myself I will suggest the following book. And I do know it is especially difficult times for some of you. So I send you my own energies, peace and love -

But most of all, go easy on yourselves, be kind (to you), and have patience while learning and growing from whatever you are experiencing.

http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Psyche-Human-Expression-Seth/dp/187842422X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1428927530&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Nature+of+the+Psyche+-+jane+Roberts

"“Your experience in the world of physical matter flows outward from the center of your inner psyche. Then you perceive this experience. Exterior events, circumstances and conditions are meant as a kind of living feedback. Altering the state of the psyche automatically alters the physical circumstances.

“There is no other valid way of changing physical events. It might help if you imagine an inner living dimension within yourself in which you create, in miniature psychic form, all the exterior conditions that you know. Simply put, you do exactly this. Your thoughts, feelings and mental pictures can be called incipient exterior events, for in one way or another each of these is materialized into physical reality.”

The Nature of Personal Reality
Session 613
September 11, 1972

Now,

'Altering the state of the psyche automatically alters the physical circumstances'

This is important here, for I know the difficulties as mentioned some are experiencing. Please recognize the importance of maintaining a positive outlook, you see (even amidst what would 'look like' a dire situation). Regardless of the 'risk', you understand. While the 'risk' may not be in your favor (or someone else's), your thoughts, expectations, and outlook can be.

And will be, helpful.

[Dahila]

I listened to the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, I think it's called? The Buddhists just see death as part of life and they prepare for it in their way of living.
Yes, you are right, I just took a look at the book shelf:))
IMs we know that we can change the physical around us. It must come from within us. It is easy, if one could follow kind word sent to the world, a smile, one would know:))