lbridges253
04-04-2015, 11:58 AM
This will be pretty long.
Ok so a month ago, one night at 9:30 I had taken 2 energy pills with plans to exercise for an hour. When I attempted to go to bed at 12am I could not. Previously I had watched a couple videos on the effects of not sleeping so I was thinking of this when I was trying to fall asleep. But most likely I could not because the pills were still in my system. I had a test early the next morning so when I finally fell asleep, maybe around 2 or 3 I had to get up at 7. I was fine the next morning, a little tired but same as always..However, after the test, when I was going back to my dorm room this overwhelming weird feeling hit me. Its like I was suddenly exhausted. I had never felt that way before. Ever. I assumed I was tired, so later I attempted to nap but couldn't. This started a serious of insomnia which caused foggy brain and a sort of depersonalized feeling. I would be so worried since I wasn't sleeping I would lose my cognitive abilities and have to live out of a hospital bed for the rest of my life.
The only thing that gave me comfort was my family. This happened during spring break so I was staying with my mom or at my grandparents house. I ended up going to the ER because after trying for the millionth time to get some sleep, I got fed up and wanted medical help. Of course, the dr told me it was anxiety, I didn't have a mysterious illness and told me to take 2 Benadryls. So every night I'd take them, get maybe 4 or 5 hours of sleep, feel like a zombie during the day..probably mostly because of the stress I was putting on myself, realizing that if its anxiety I would NEVER be able to sleep without thinking anxiety would keep me from sleeping. I had to sleep with my mom or in my grandparents bed because I couldn't sleep alone. I had another trip to the ER but left because I was panicking and had been there for 2 hours waiting.
I visited my family dr who said again, its anxiety and prescribed me Ambien for 5 nights, since its habit forming. I had a panic attack for the first time in my entire life as I waited for him to come in and tell me nothing was wrong except anxiety. That was one of the worst moments of my life. So that night, I took the ambien and it worked. I would still wake up through the night, maybe twice or 3 times but I felt I was sleeping better. BUT I still felt foggy during the day, very tired, and the world didn't seem as "clear" as it was before all this. I assumed I was still not getting enough sleep. After the Ambien I started taking the Benadryl again, made appts with an optometrist to see if it was my eyes-nope. My vision was 20/20. So I was back at square one, sleeping less than 5 hours a night and feeling like crap the next day- ALL day.
I feared sleeping, I feared waking up feeling the same way I know I'd feel every.single.morning. I ended up having an episode where I almost passed out. I saw bright lights and next thing I know I'm crouching on the floor, knowing if I stood I'd fall. Drs said my blood sugar was really low, since I hadn't eaten anything since 12 the day before (this was around 8:30). I had no idea if something was medically wrong, causing me to be tired or if it was all in my head. I shouldn't have been tired to the point that my eyes hurt all day, if I was sleeping well. But nothing I took made me NOT have that feeling the next day.
I quickly scheduled an appt with a counselor at my university and with a sleep dr. The sleep dr told me it was anxiety- of course- and prescribed me amitriptyline. I also visited a doctor on campus and was prescribed Wellbutrin for the day time. So i begun taking both, Wellbutrin in the morning and amitriptyline an hour before bed. This worked beautifully for 3 days. I finally felt less foggy. I was sleeping at least 7 hours, yes waking up through the night but still sleeping. The world was clearer and I felt I could focus and comprehend better.
Then there was 2 nights ago- I stayed the night at my boyfriend's and did not have my sleep gear which includes- eye mask, ear plugs, Wellbutrin, amitriptylin, and l-theanine+melatonin which works well for me. I didn't have the L-theanine combo that night. I attempted to sleep after eating a big meal full of sugar a little earlier and could not. I wasn't tired at all. So I took the amitriptyline and still was not sleepy after an hour. I tossed and turned the whole night. Didn't sleep a wink. The next morning when I tried my heart would beat so fast, and this sensation of fear would jolt me awake right as I was attempting to sleep.
Scared doesn't begin to explain the feeling after realizing my own heart was and probably forever will- keeping me awake. I started to think I would go days without sleeping because now the problem wasn't getting to sleep- it was the fear jolt that I created myself. I thought maybe this was due to the Wellbutrin, which I heard tends to make anxiety worse. Then I saw this was only with 10% of users. I have googled EVERYTHING and scared myself almost to death. I slept pretty good yesterday, I crashed around 7 because I couldn't take it anymore. But still the same fear jolt whenever I would drift off. Eventually I thought good thoughts, took the l-theanine+melatonin combo and by miracle I fell asleep. Of course I woke up several times through the night but I still slept without the sensation.
Now, I realize I still get the sensation when awake. Its so scary. I can't pay much attention to what anyone is saying because I'm so focused on if I'll get the sensation which means I'll have it tonight when I attempt to sleep- and won't be able to. Its to the point that I don't believe I can function in my daily life because I'll keep thinking about this issue and that I'll never get over this. Today makes a whole month of torture. I've always had anxiety- social anxiety but this is the absolute peak. I never even thought about my social anxiety really, but now its like my mind is OBSESSED with this whole thing. Everything was fine until the night I stayed up the entire night.
I just wish my heart would stop beating so fast and that I won't be so scared to live, scared to sleep. My mind is against itself. My biggest fear now is losing my mind because of all this. Going completely crazy and losing all my cognitive abilities in the process. Losings friends because I'm being weird and canceling plans- and eventually living confined to a bed. My family cares but theres this big stigma with mental health issues. My dad has anxiety himself but he and everyone else shuns the anti-depressants I'm taking. Its all just embarrassing. Whenever I am distracted with something interesting it comes back to my fear. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this could still be health related to? Why was I tired and foggy all day long even after a good night's sleep? How am I supposed to live a normal life again?
fears:
1. Not being able to have a normal conversation with people or be my usual funny self because I'm panicking on the inside
2. Becoming "dumb" and forgetful because of my sleeping habits
3. Not being able to sleep without rx pills
Ok so a month ago, one night at 9:30 I had taken 2 energy pills with plans to exercise for an hour. When I attempted to go to bed at 12am I could not. Previously I had watched a couple videos on the effects of not sleeping so I was thinking of this when I was trying to fall asleep. But most likely I could not because the pills were still in my system. I had a test early the next morning so when I finally fell asleep, maybe around 2 or 3 I had to get up at 7. I was fine the next morning, a little tired but same as always..However, after the test, when I was going back to my dorm room this overwhelming weird feeling hit me. Its like I was suddenly exhausted. I had never felt that way before. Ever. I assumed I was tired, so later I attempted to nap but couldn't. This started a serious of insomnia which caused foggy brain and a sort of depersonalized feeling. I would be so worried since I wasn't sleeping I would lose my cognitive abilities and have to live out of a hospital bed for the rest of my life.
The only thing that gave me comfort was my family. This happened during spring break so I was staying with my mom or at my grandparents house. I ended up going to the ER because after trying for the millionth time to get some sleep, I got fed up and wanted medical help. Of course, the dr told me it was anxiety, I didn't have a mysterious illness and told me to take 2 Benadryls. So every night I'd take them, get maybe 4 or 5 hours of sleep, feel like a zombie during the day..probably mostly because of the stress I was putting on myself, realizing that if its anxiety I would NEVER be able to sleep without thinking anxiety would keep me from sleeping. I had to sleep with my mom or in my grandparents bed because I couldn't sleep alone. I had another trip to the ER but left because I was panicking and had been there for 2 hours waiting.
I visited my family dr who said again, its anxiety and prescribed me Ambien for 5 nights, since its habit forming. I had a panic attack for the first time in my entire life as I waited for him to come in and tell me nothing was wrong except anxiety. That was one of the worst moments of my life. So that night, I took the ambien and it worked. I would still wake up through the night, maybe twice or 3 times but I felt I was sleeping better. BUT I still felt foggy during the day, very tired, and the world didn't seem as "clear" as it was before all this. I assumed I was still not getting enough sleep. After the Ambien I started taking the Benadryl again, made appts with an optometrist to see if it was my eyes-nope. My vision was 20/20. So I was back at square one, sleeping less than 5 hours a night and feeling like crap the next day- ALL day.
I feared sleeping, I feared waking up feeling the same way I know I'd feel every.single.morning. I ended up having an episode where I almost passed out. I saw bright lights and next thing I know I'm crouching on the floor, knowing if I stood I'd fall. Drs said my blood sugar was really low, since I hadn't eaten anything since 12 the day before (this was around 8:30). I had no idea if something was medically wrong, causing me to be tired or if it was all in my head. I shouldn't have been tired to the point that my eyes hurt all day, if I was sleeping well. But nothing I took made me NOT have that feeling the next day.
I quickly scheduled an appt with a counselor at my university and with a sleep dr. The sleep dr told me it was anxiety- of course- and prescribed me amitriptyline. I also visited a doctor on campus and was prescribed Wellbutrin for the day time. So i begun taking both, Wellbutrin in the morning and amitriptyline an hour before bed. This worked beautifully for 3 days. I finally felt less foggy. I was sleeping at least 7 hours, yes waking up through the night but still sleeping. The world was clearer and I felt I could focus and comprehend better.
Then there was 2 nights ago- I stayed the night at my boyfriend's and did not have my sleep gear which includes- eye mask, ear plugs, Wellbutrin, amitriptylin, and l-theanine+melatonin which works well for me. I didn't have the L-theanine combo that night. I attempted to sleep after eating a big meal full of sugar a little earlier and could not. I wasn't tired at all. So I took the amitriptyline and still was not sleepy after an hour. I tossed and turned the whole night. Didn't sleep a wink. The next morning when I tried my heart would beat so fast, and this sensation of fear would jolt me awake right as I was attempting to sleep.
Scared doesn't begin to explain the feeling after realizing my own heart was and probably forever will- keeping me awake. I started to think I would go days without sleeping because now the problem wasn't getting to sleep- it was the fear jolt that I created myself. I thought maybe this was due to the Wellbutrin, which I heard tends to make anxiety worse. Then I saw this was only with 10% of users. I have googled EVERYTHING and scared myself almost to death. I slept pretty good yesterday, I crashed around 7 because I couldn't take it anymore. But still the same fear jolt whenever I would drift off. Eventually I thought good thoughts, took the l-theanine+melatonin combo and by miracle I fell asleep. Of course I woke up several times through the night but I still slept without the sensation.
Now, I realize I still get the sensation when awake. Its so scary. I can't pay much attention to what anyone is saying because I'm so focused on if I'll get the sensation which means I'll have it tonight when I attempt to sleep- and won't be able to. Its to the point that I don't believe I can function in my daily life because I'll keep thinking about this issue and that I'll never get over this. Today makes a whole month of torture. I've always had anxiety- social anxiety but this is the absolute peak. I never even thought about my social anxiety really, but now its like my mind is OBSESSED with this whole thing. Everything was fine until the night I stayed up the entire night.
I just wish my heart would stop beating so fast and that I won't be so scared to live, scared to sleep. My mind is against itself. My biggest fear now is losing my mind because of all this. Going completely crazy and losing all my cognitive abilities in the process. Losings friends because I'm being weird and canceling plans- and eventually living confined to a bed. My family cares but theres this big stigma with mental health issues. My dad has anxiety himself but he and everyone else shuns the anti-depressants I'm taking. Its all just embarrassing. Whenever I am distracted with something interesting it comes back to my fear. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this could still be health related to? Why was I tired and foggy all day long even after a good night's sleep? How am I supposed to live a normal life again?
fears:
1. Not being able to have a normal conversation with people or be my usual funny self because I'm panicking on the inside
2. Becoming "dumb" and forgetful because of my sleeping habits
3. Not being able to sleep without rx pills