Why am I so afraid of leaving my city, when I so badly want to?

[charlottejm]

I've had (diagnosed) Generalised Anxiety Disorder for around three years now, but I've made a hell of a lot of progress over the last few months, facing so many fears and just generally feeling overwhelmingly awesome at times. I've been so excited to get out of my city and try out this new found confidence, I've even been in the process of trying to buy a camper van so I can drive to Europe with some friends. So when the chance came up to drive my friend out of the city for a gig, I thought it'd be a great opportunity to see how I feel driving long(ish) distance and being out of my city for the first time in months - and the first time in almost a year without my parents. I definitely felt better than I have done on the drive down there, however there was a general uneasy feeling. Then, when I was sat in the restaurant having dinner, this overwhelming feeling came over me and it felt like my head was being shaken violently and I thought I was going to pass out, lasting just a few seconds. I didn't mention anything, but after that I was constantly thinking things like 'did I just have a mini-stroke?' 'did I almost have a panic attack?' 'what caused that?' 'will I need to go to hospital?' 'am i going to die tonight?' etc etc etc... I don't know what it was, and I'm still convinced it could have been something serious, but logical me is also thinking that it was probably caused by the subconscious stress going on in my mind about being away from my city in a new environment and having to drive all the way home again the same day.

I am so so desperate to go on holiday and enjoy myself, and I just want to get away from here, but my anxiety disorder is trapping me. I feel like a crazy person, unable to do something so simple that everyone else seems to do so easily. I'm not sure what i'm asking here, but maybe reassurance that I'm not so crazy? And maybe what I felt wasn't an actual physical medical condition but merely a symptom of my anxious thoughts?

Uhg i'm just annoyed that I was doing so well, and now I feel that i've failed myself.

[gypsylee]

I've had (diagnosed) Generalised Anxiety Disorder for around three years now, but I've made a hell of a lot of progress over the last few months, facing so many fears and just generally feeling overwhelmingly awesome at times. I've been so excited to get out of my city and try out this new found confidence, I've even been in the process of trying to buy a camper van so I can drive to Europe with some friends. So when the chance came up to drive my friend out of the city for a gig, I thought it'd be a great opportunity to see how I feel driving long(ish) distance and being out of my city for the first time in months - and the first time in almost a year without my parents. I definitely felt better than I have done on the drive down there, however there was a general uneasy feeling. Then, when I was sat in the restaurant having dinner, this overwhelming feeling came over me and it felt like my head was being shaken violently and I thought I was going to pass out, lasting just a few seconds. I didn't mention anything, but after that I was constantly thinking things like 'did I just have a mini-stroke?' 'did I almost have a panic attack?' 'what caused that?' 'will I need to go to hospital?' 'am i going to die tonight?' etc etc etc... I don't know what it was, and I'm still convinced it could have been something serious, but logical me is also thinking that it was probably caused by the subconscious stress going on in my mind about being away from my city in a new environment and having to drive all the way home again the same day.

I am so so desperate to go on holiday and enjoy myself, and I just want to get away from here, but my anxiety disorder is trapping me. I feel like a crazy person, unable to do something so simple that everyone else seems to do so easily. I'm not sure what i'm asking here, but maybe reassurance that I'm not so crazy? And maybe what I felt wasn't an actual physical medical condition but merely a symptom of my anxious thoughts?

Uhg i'm just annoyed that I was doing so well, and now I feel that i've failed myself.

Hi Charlotte :)

Well it probably is a symptom of subconscious anxiety. Obviously I can't be sure of that but anxiety does a lot of weird things. If you're ok now you probably haven't had a mini stroke or whatever.

What I would suggest is to just do what you want regardless of anxiety symptoms. I know that's easier said than done but you have to tell the anxiety who's boss. You said you've already been feeling "overwhelmingly awesome" so you're winning and you just have to keep pushing through the fear.

All the best,
Gypsy x

[BrookeLynnnn]

You're not alone! I wish so badly I could leave my town & enjoy things in different cities but I cant. Or at least, I tell myself I cant. It's hard. My home is my safe place. Being so far away from it freaks me out. & also I don't like the unknown. So being somewhere unfamiliar is scary to me. I hope we can conquer this fear one day!

[Kuma]

You're not alone! I wish so badly I could leave my town & enjoy things in different cities but I cant. Or at least, I tell myself I cant. It's hard. My home is my safe place. Being so far away from it freaks me out. & also I don't like the unknown. So being somewhere unfamiliar is scary to me. I hope we can conquer this fear one day!

CBT can be helpful with this sort of thing. But you have to REALLY WANT to conquer this. Some people seem to just sort of accept that this is why they are and this is the way it will always be. For those people, it is hard to change. But for those who really want it to be different, and are willing to work hard and push themselves to make it different, CBT can be terrific.

[Deano99]

I feel exactly the same. I so desperately want to venture out of my town and live my life but my brain is stopping me from doing so. It is a sad irony a lot if us suffer with

But perhaps you might be better doing things in smaller steps. I think you have the right attitude, you may need to be a bit more sympathetic to your illness. For example, if I had broken my leg and was unable to walk for several months, the first day I could walk again I wouldn't try to run a marathon.....even if I really wanted to. You would build yourself up again at a pace that's manageable for you over time.
So be sympathetic to your brain like you would with a physical injury. Recognise that you have an 'injury' and be gentle in your recovery. Try small steps to overcome your illness and recover. You could try a day trip to the next town, then perhaps a weekend break, and little by little building yourself back again.

Remember, love yourself for who you are and be kind to yourself

[PanicCured]

I've had (diagnosed) Generalised Anxiety Disorder for around three years now, but I've made a hell of a lot of progress over the last few months, facing so many fears and just generally feeling overwhelmingly awesome at times. I've been so excited to get out of my city and try out this new found confidence, I've even been in the process of trying to buy a camper van so I can drive to Europe with some friends. So when the chance came up to drive my friend out of the city for a gig, I thought it'd be a great opportunity to see how I feel driving long(ish) distance and being out of my city for the first time in months - and the first time in almost a year without my parents. I definitely felt better than I have done on the drive down there, however there was a general uneasy feeling. Then, when I was sat in the restaurant having dinner, this overwhelming feeling came over me and it felt like my head was being shaken violently and I thought I was going to pass out, lasting just a few seconds. I didn't mention anything, but after that I was constantly thinking things like 'did I just have a mini-stroke?' 'did I almost have a panic attack?' 'what caused that?' 'will I need to go to hospital?' 'am i going to die tonight?' etc etc etc... I don't know what it was, and I'm still convinced it could have been something serious, but logical me is also thinking that it was probably caused by the subconscious stress going on in my mind about being away from my city in a new environment and having to drive all the way home again the same day.

I am so so desperate to go on holiday and enjoy myself, and I just want to get away from here, but my anxiety disorder is trapping me. I feel like a crazy person, unable to do something so simple that everyone else seems to do so easily. I'm not sure what i'm asking here, but maybe reassurance that I'm not so crazy? And maybe what I felt wasn't an actual physical medical condition but merely a symptom of my anxious thoughts?

Uhg i'm just annoyed that I was doing so well, and now I feel that i've failed myself.

You are engulfed in the illusion of the Safe Place and I am sure in your neighborhood, you have the Safe People as well. You did not fail! You just haven't come to terms with the illusion that the safe place and safe person are figments of your imagination that you created, that helps perpetuate the anxiety. I could barely even leave my home at one point. There were times I would shake to even leave my room! You did not fail in any way shape or form. Take some time and really see through this illusion of the Safe Place, but you do have to physically remove yourself from it to really heal. But you can do this little by little a little progress at a time instead of making one huge trip if you want. In any case, when you feel that obsession to return to the safe place, sit and practice my Quick Guide to Stopping Panic Attacks:
http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?9512-The-Quick-Guide-to-Stopping-Panic-Attacks

It is tackling that panic feeling head on and overriding that obsession for the Safe Place. I have been there, and from what you have written, I was way worse off than you. Now, I am anxiety free, which means you can get there too.