Uneasy feeling, conflicted.

[gadguy]

OK best friend from college called to tell me he is going to get married this summer, to his 7+ year live in lady friend. I am very happy for him, we've seen each other through ups and downs and our friendship is and always will be solid. I know his soon to be bride and I like her, and for all practical purposes they have been married over the last 7 years except on paper. Now I know our relationship has changed as he and she have built a family so thats not whats worrying me, the living together was one thing but marriage for some reason I think is gonna be a big mistake. There is nothing I can do but watch and and help pick up pieces if it all falls apart. I owe my buddy a lot, he was the one to point out to me I needed help with my anxiety. I also helped him up when he hit rock bottom after a relationship failed in the past. I am happy and worried all at same time, conflicted. My anxiety has been great and no existent over last few weeks, now there is just something under surface. I've got to let this go and just let the pieces fall were they will and hope for best.

[tryingto]

It sounds like you're worried that your friend's relationship will fall through and you'll have to see him in pain; is there any reason you should be feeling like this? Are there any signs their relationship isn't stable? If not, and they're perfectly fine together, you really have nothing to worry about. I understand worrying about the worst outcome, and it really is bothersome. But at the end of the day, it's his relationship. If something happens, it happens. But chances are, they'll be great together, and you have nothing to be concerned about.

It's really kind that you're worried about your friend. You sound like a wonderful and caring person, and everyone needs someone like you in their lives. I hope you feel better soon!

[gadguy]

It sounds like you're worried that your friend's relationship will fall through and you'll have to see him in pain; is there any reason you should be feeling like this? Are there any signs their relationship isn't stable? If not, and they're perfectly fine together, you really have nothing to worry about. I understand worrying about the worst outcome, and it really is bothersome. But at the end of the day, it's his relationship. If something happens, it happens. But chances are, they'll be great together, and you have nothing to be concerned about.

It's really kind that you're worried about your friend. You sound like a wonderful and caring person, and everyone needs someone like you in their lives. I hope you feel better soon!

Yes I worry, there are a few things that make me uncertain of her..she comes from the "Good" side of the tracks and has lived the high life style of a princess, my buddy like myself are working class folks who do what we gotta do to get by and learned long time ago you don't need everything you want. She has adjusted to this way of life...it has taken her a long time, but underneath she is still a "princes". I'm just afraid she may drop him if Something Shinier comes around the corner. I have met her last 2 ex husbands, all they had going for them was $$ she was a trophy wife. I worry because the last time my buddy was in a deep long term relationship he caught her cheating on him...it almost killed him, it took a lot to for him the recover.

[Im-Suffering]

Yes I worry, there are a few things that make me uncertain of her..she comes from the "Good" side of the tracks and has lived the high life style of a princess, my buddy like myself are working class folks who do what we gotta do to get by and learned long time ago you don't need everything you want. She has adjusted to this way of life...it has taken her a long time, but underneath she is still a "princes". I'm just afraid she may drop him if Something Shinier comes around the corner. I have met her last 2 ex husbands, all they had going for them was $$ she was a trophy wife. I worry because the last time my buddy was in a deep long term relationship he caught her cheating on him...it almost killed him, it took a lot to for him the recover.

Better to watch yourself - what are you being (expressing), doing, having (creating). If you had to recount today in the mirror at bedtime, how would you grade it against what is the highest regard for self, using your abilities, and sending your energies out in the right directions to attract constructive experiences.

If you worry, you send those signals to your friend, and the girl - you understand - which does not help you to get you what you want, or help them. Worry begets worry. Thoughts are things - and so watch the energy you send out -

In that context, act, speak, think in ways that are constructive to their relationship. That is loving, you see? Worry is fear, and so you are acting from fears which adulterate your purpose, to see him happy - examine your beliefs and motive. Then change to encouragement, belief, and faith that this time will be different. (and indeed it is 'new'). Do not use associative thinking to blend this and past relationships together so the line is greyed and it would seem he is doomed to repeat. This is a 'new' experience for both of them. She indeed has learned some of her money lessons and to an extent has outgrown her old self. She is not the same person now as with the past relationships. You must see her in this light -

Don't fake it - you cant think one thing and expect another outcome. But work on your beliefs and ideas that cause the stress that you then project onto them. You get what you expect, wanted or unwanted.

I am telling you to expect the best, and then picture that. Now even as I make that statement, you feel the opposition rise into awareness (conflicts). Face those thoughts, question them, find the beliefs behind them, and work it out, so when you say "I am happy for you" you mean it. You 'do' want them to be happy, but the work is always with the self. The conflicts in your mind are only there to resolve them. They have no other purpose.

You do understand all of this, I know - But understanding is not enough, you've got to get to work on it - You know I am always with you in spirit.

[gadguy]

Better to watch yourself - what are you being (expressing), doing, having (creating). If you had to recount today in the mirror at bedtime, how would you grade it against what is the highest regard for self, using your abilities, and sending your energies out in the right directions to attract constructive experiences.

If you worry, you send those signals to your friend, and the girl - you understand - which does not help you to get you what you want, or help them. Worry begets worry. Thoughts are things - and so watch the energy you send out -

In that context, act, speak, think in ways that are constructive to their relationship. That is loving, you see? Worry is fear, and so you are acting from fears which adulterate your purpose, to see him happy - examine your beliefs and motive. Then change to encouragement, belief, and faith that this time will be different. (and indeed it is 'new'). Do not use associative thinking to blend this and past relationships together so the line is greyed and it would seem he is doomed to repeat. This is a 'new' experience for both of them. She indeed has learned some of her money lessons and to an extent has outgrown her old self. She is not the same person now as with the past relationships. You must see her in this light -

Don't fake it - you cant think one thing and expect another outcome. But work on your beliefs and ideas that cause the stress that you then project onto them. You get what you expect, wanted or unwanted.

I am telling you to expect the best, and then picture that. Now even as I make that statement, you feel the opposition rise into awareness (conflicts). Face those thoughts, question them, find the beliefs behind them, and work it out, so when you say "I am happy for you" you mean it. You 'do' want them to be happy, but the work is always with the self. The conflicts in your mind are only there to resolve them. They have no other purpose.

You do understand all of this, I know - But understanding is not enough, you've got to get to work on it - You know I am always with you in spirit.


You are correct on all points, and for the last 7 years I have been truly happy that he found someone who made him happy....that is until last year when I attended an event were they were and her boss. I got a bad vibe. It just seems that there may have been more going on between the two than met the eye..spent to much time one on one, he did not bring his family( although this was family style get together), all circumstantial but it gave me an uneasy feeling then and I still have it, generally my impression/feelings are not wrong. I've got to be happy for him and put my suspicions aside.