Does anyone else get this?

[QuietRose]

So... I guess I should start out by saying that I've been suffering from untreated anxiety for most of my pre-teen, teen, and now young adult life. I finally went to the doctor at the beginning of this year after finally giving up on trying to cope with this on my own. For a long time I ignored the panic attacks and anxiousness, assuming that I was the only one who felt this way and that I shouldn't bother anyone with it. I was a huge cry baby in middle school, mostly because when I started to feel overwhelmed by something I didn't know what else to do other than cry. I let others- my teachers, my parents, grandparents, friends, and classmates- tell me who I was and let them define my personality for themselves. I suffered through high school alone, since my friends from middle school and junior high couldn't understand me very well. A lot of people mistook my silence for rudeness or disinterest, and many found my lack of input in conversation frustrating and stupid. They assumed that my silence meant that I didn't want to talk or be spoken to, only they couldn't see the way my mind worked to find something acceptable to say- and by then either too much time had passed or I ended up psyching myself out of saying anything.
My family has always been the type to discredit things like anxiety and depression, especially my dad's side of the family. They just thought I was stuck up, stupid, and ignorant. It wasn't until my mom was diagnosed with depression and started going to a mental health doctor regularly that she started to realize what was wrong with me. It's always surprised me that my younger sister was the first person to really see my anxiety for what it is, even before I began to acknowledge it as such.
Anyways, I just wanted to see if what I'm experiencing is normal or not (and I promise it sort of ties in to everything up above).
I've noticed that when I go out, I get this weird-almost detached- feeling. It grows gradually as time goes on, and ends up putting me in a weird mental state. The best way to explain it... it's kind of like my head is slowly filling up with static. When i'm like this I keep my eyes straight, never looking anyone in the eyes (even less than I normally do), and I don't really think much. Like someone's smothering my mental voice with a pillow, and I have to fight to stay aware of my surroundings and hear myself think. I get like this almost every single time I'm out in public, and now, I can even recall experiencing this while I was in class or surrounded by people I'm not overly familiar with.
I get that this is a sort of coping mechanism I must have unconsciously developed over the years, but I feel like I'm only being hindered by it more than anything. It is mentally exhausting, and I end up feeling heavy and lethargic for a long time afterwards.
Am I the only one who gets this?

[gypsylee]

So... I guess I should start out by saying that I've been suffering from untreated anxiety for most of my pre-teen, teen, and now young adult life. I finally went to the doctor at the beginning of this year after finally giving up on trying to cope with this on my own. For a long time I ignored the panic attacks and anxiousness, assuming that I was the only one who felt this way and that I shouldn't bother anyone with it. I was a huge cry baby in middle school, mostly because when I started to feel overwhelmed by something I didn't know what else to do other than cry. I let others- my teachers, my parents, grandparents, friends, and classmates- tell me who I was and let them define my personality for themselves. I suffered through high school alone, since my friends from middle school and junior high couldn't understand me very well. A lot of people mistook my silence for rudeness or disinterest, and many found my lack of input in conversation frustrating and stupid. They assumed that my silence meant that I didn't want to talk or be spoken to, only they couldn't see the way my mind worked to find something acceptable to say- and by then either too much time had passed or I ended up psyching myself out of saying anything.
My family has always been the type to discredit things like anxiety and depression, especially my dad's side of the family. They just thought I was stuck up, stupid, and ignorant. It wasn't until my mom was diagnosed with depression and started going to a mental health doctor regularly that she started to realize what was wrong with me. It's always surprised me that my younger sister was the first person to really see my anxiety for what it is, even before I began to acknowledge it as such.
Anyways, I just wanted to see if what I'm experiencing is normal or not (and I promise it sort of ties in to everything up above).
I've noticed that when I go out, I get this weird-almost detached- feeling. It grows gradually as time goes on, and ends up putting me in a weird mental state. The best way to explain it... it's kind of like my head is slowly filling up with static. When i'm like this I keep my eyes straight, never looking anyone in the eyes (even less than I normally do), and I don't really think much. Like someone's smothering my mental voice with a pillow, and I have to fight to stay aware of my surroundings and hear myself think. I get like this almost every single time I'm out in public, and now, I can even recall experiencing this while I was in class or surrounded by people I'm not overly familiar with.
I get that this is a sort of coping mechanism I must have unconsciously developed over the years, but I feel like I'm only being hindered by it more than anything. It is mentally exhausting, and I end up feeling heavy and lethargic for a long time afterwards.
Am I the only one who gets this?

Hi Rose :)

No you aren't the only one who gets this. Well what I experience is probably a bit different but I totally get what you're saying. This is typical of introverted personalities because we find it tiring being around people. Do some reading on introverts (and extraverts). If I go to any social situation it completely drains me, even if I'm not anxious. Add anxiety to the situation and I become a complete zombie lol.

So it's not even necessarily anxiety that makes you feel like this, it could just be the way your brain is wired ie introverted personality. They do go hand in hand though because we live in a culture that expects people to be extraverted and the majority of people are. Introverts are considered weird or even rude as you say. I'm sure lots of people think I'm a real snob but the truth is I find socialising exhausting. I'm terrible at making small talk but I can talk about "deeper" things for ages.

I'm sure you also have anxiety and depression but I'd suggest reading a bit about introverts/extraverts because that's what struck me most about what you've written here.

All the best,
Gypsy x

[QuietRose]

Thanks, I'll look into that. I can't really remember a time before my anxiety so I usually just chalk things like this up as another symptom/side effect/ response to it.
I really appreciate the advice.