QuietRose
03-29-2015, 05:52 PM
So... I guess I should start out by saying that I've been suffering from untreated anxiety for most of my pre-teen, teen, and now young adult life. I finally went to the doctor at the beginning of this year after finally giving up on trying to cope with this on my own. For a long time I ignored the panic attacks and anxiousness, assuming that I was the only one who felt this way and that I shouldn't bother anyone with it. I was a huge cry baby in middle school, mostly because when I started to feel overwhelmed by something I didn't know what else to do other than cry. I let others- my teachers, my parents, grandparents, friends, and classmates- tell me who I was and let them define my personality for themselves. I suffered through high school alone, since my friends from middle school and junior high couldn't understand me very well. A lot of people mistook my silence for rudeness or disinterest, and many found my lack of input in conversation frustrating and stupid. They assumed that my silence meant that I didn't want to talk or be spoken to, only they couldn't see the way my mind worked to find something acceptable to say- and by then either too much time had passed or I ended up psyching myself out of saying anything.
My family has always been the type to discredit things like anxiety and depression, especially my dad's side of the family. They just thought I was stuck up, stupid, and ignorant. It wasn't until my mom was diagnosed with depression and started going to a mental health doctor regularly that she started to realize what was wrong with me. It's always surprised me that my younger sister was the first person to really see my anxiety for what it is, even before I began to acknowledge it as such.
Anyways, I just wanted to see if what I'm experiencing is normal or not (and I promise it sort of ties in to everything up above).
I've noticed that when I go out, I get this weird-almost detached- feeling. It grows gradually as time goes on, and ends up putting me in a weird mental state. The best way to explain it... it's kind of like my head is slowly filling up with static. When i'm like this I keep my eyes straight, never looking anyone in the eyes (even less than I normally do), and I don't really think much. Like someone's smothering my mental voice with a pillow, and I have to fight to stay aware of my surroundings and hear myself think. I get like this almost every single time I'm out in public, and now, I can even recall experiencing this while I was in class or surrounded by people I'm not overly familiar with.
I get that this is a sort of coping mechanism I must have unconsciously developed over the years, but I feel like I'm only being hindered by it more than anything. It is mentally exhausting, and I end up feeling heavy and lethargic for a long time afterwards.
Am I the only one who gets this?
My family has always been the type to discredit things like anxiety and depression, especially my dad's side of the family. They just thought I was stuck up, stupid, and ignorant. It wasn't until my mom was diagnosed with depression and started going to a mental health doctor regularly that she started to realize what was wrong with me. It's always surprised me that my younger sister was the first person to really see my anxiety for what it is, even before I began to acknowledge it as such.
Anyways, I just wanted to see if what I'm experiencing is normal or not (and I promise it sort of ties in to everything up above).
I've noticed that when I go out, I get this weird-almost detached- feeling. It grows gradually as time goes on, and ends up putting me in a weird mental state. The best way to explain it... it's kind of like my head is slowly filling up with static. When i'm like this I keep my eyes straight, never looking anyone in the eyes (even less than I normally do), and I don't really think much. Like someone's smothering my mental voice with a pillow, and I have to fight to stay aware of my surroundings and hear myself think. I get like this almost every single time I'm out in public, and now, I can even recall experiencing this while I was in class or surrounded by people I'm not overly familiar with.
I get that this is a sort of coping mechanism I must have unconsciously developed over the years, but I feel like I'm only being hindered by it more than anything. It is mentally exhausting, and I end up feeling heavy and lethargic for a long time afterwards.
Am I the only one who gets this?